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age
36-40,
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writes: Please help me. I really need someone's help. I feel very depressed and frustrated. How do I get over someone I think stole my heart. I'm just hurt. How do I overcome this "rejection" and go on with my life? I think about him constantly. He's been on my mind less now, but time isn't really making it any easier for me. The sex or would be sex did not occur. I know he's a jerk and that I am too good for him so why do I still...why is he still in my thoughts when I'm alone at times? I picture the two of us together all the time and it seems like I think he was just going to used me anyway if I were to continue seeing him. I really thought he was a genuine person and I really thought he cared for me. We were sort of like friends with benefits. It's a long and confusing story so I don't wanna bore you but I've never felt this way about anyone. I guess it's also my fault since I've been reading all these pregnancy stories on the internt and watch shows about pregnancy and kids and I thought we were in the same page with our goals. I was thinking ahead if you know what I mean. He even hinted at those things to be (kids, and a family) and it was so romantic, I felt like I could fall in love with him at that moment. Please, I'm desparate. No one on the internet (like yahoo answers) cares to answer me or truly understand. They seem bitter, hateful and jealous over there. So I am giving this a try. I am in my mid twenties and he's 22. Please, I don't want to think that my time is running out for kids and I know that it's not because being 24 (almost 25) isn't at all too old for children. nor is it too late. I just want someone to help me move on. Thanks.P.S. I'm just very glad I didn't end up sleeping with him, catching anything or (gulp) getting pregnant by him which is also many of the last things I want right now for me since I can't afford to even care for myself. I still live with my folks and so does he but we're both in college and I'm working part time.
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depressed, friend with benefits, jealous, move on, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bootyboot  +, writes (9 March 2009):
really girl, take it easy on the 14 yr olds, she was trying to help.anyway, just focus on yourself right now, find something to distract yourself from this guy. you need to just take it easy, don't think of this guy as the last one on earth! you'll meet someone better, and you'll forget old what's-his-name in no time. i dated a guy who i thought liked me more than i liked him, and everyday i was like 'ok i'm gonna dump hi, no tomorrow.' well i never did, and guess what, he dumped me because he doesn't want a relationship at all right now. and then i was briefly devastated and can't stop thinking about him because my ego is bruised, and maybe i did like him more than i thought.well, lesson learned, but i'm ready to meet someone else, and forget that creep..although we're still friends, so i shouldn't call him that. but the point is, life is all about experiencing great pain and joy, it can break you down, but it can make you stronger. you need to learn from this experience. figure out why the rejection seems to hurt you more than being without him. it sounds like me, that you desperately wanted a relationship and was willing to settle.just be glad you didn't have sex with him because then it gets really tricky. having sex releases a hormone called Oxytocin in females, and it has an opiate like effect that you feel really connected with this person, even though truly you might not. So just beware next time you date someone, take it slow, don't feel like you need a relationship and let it take it's course. hopefully i learned my lesson too.
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female
reader, bich-15  +, writes (18 January 2009):
 i no what you mean about yahoo answers they were useless, when i asked any questions. i understand how you are feeling in a way, by the sounds of it you were very happy with this guy, and your right you probably are way too good for him because most men are idiots! any that aren't are either your dad or gay so no win. no one is too young to have genuine feelings for another, im only 17 and ive just had my heart ripped out and put through a shredder, dealing with break-ups is probably one of the hardest things anyone has to go through. there is no way you are too old for kids, i live in guernsey, there is a family and there are 16 kids in this family and the mother (mid 40's) is pregnant again and is gona keep getting pregnant untill she gets twins, life is too short to waste! you just need to take a little time to get over him then concentrate on keeping your self happy and doing what is best for number 1!!!
all the best hun, if you need to chat i'm here feel free to private mail me
from bich x x x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Boy you are in a bad mood and I think you are getting bitter and you have a bit of trouble comprehending what you are reading here on the page. Sweetist thing does not indicate that she wants to get married she indicates that she understands that is what you want to do, give her a break, she is a kid, but she is trying to make you feel better which is very sweet.
Me on the other hand did not indicate that you are TOO YOUNG, it is just that when you get old and crusty like me and look back on the loves of your life, you can sit there and realize that the jerk that dumped you did you a favor, or he would have wasted years of your life.
Desperation and bitterness are not attractive qualities to a guy, so take the time to be on your own and get your legs back up under you so that you can get over being rejected. Rejection happens to every one every day in one form or another, it is a part of life, and until you can come to a place where you can actually believe that it doesn't matter what people say about you or do to you, you don't believe anyone's rejection of you because they have their own issues and perceptions and agenda that has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
Love is a choice, not a feeling, and if you don't understand what I mean by that, here is some suggested reading for you "The Road Less Traveled" by M Scott Peck, it is a book that will help you understand what true love is and how it isn't your fault that someone doesn't love you back....it's theirs, you can't make someone want the same things you do, you wouldn't want them if they did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe sweetest thing, YOU’RE FUCKING 14! Don't you think 14 is a little too young to think about settling down???!!!
Rhythmandblues, thanks for saying I’m still young, but I wouldn’t call me TOO YOUNG. I have cousins, a friend, and a family friend’s daughter who are 17-23 and have kids out of wedlock and I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling “left out”. Also, how did he do me a favor by dumping me? Doesn’t make sense what you are saying. I just don’t want to be 35, single and an old maid. However, if I didn’t have choice, then so be it.
Thank you sky77 and UnfinishedSymphony.
One question though: Why does Dear cupid change my title from “Is it just my hormones? Is it lust not love?” to the one above?
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male
reader, sky77 +, writes (17 January 2009):
Sweety there’s so much more of life beyond 20s. I realize it’s a painful time for you right now but he may have done you a big favor. He just doesn’t sound like someone who’d keep you satisfied and happy into your later stages in life. Life is full of bumpy roads and this is just another bump on a long journey. Don’t dwell on it and in time you’ll meet another person who’ll appreciate you for who you are and you’ll look back and realize this was just another of life’s many little scars it leaves behind over time. As far as having babies, as long as you keep yourself healthy you can have as many as you want when you are in your 30s. So cheer up and be ready for tomorrow.
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female
reader, UnfinishedSymphony  +, writes (17 January 2009):
 Is it a relationship you miss or him as a person?
Seriously.
The exact same thing happened to me a year ago. I now realise the familiarity, closeness, the lack of an explaination from him to why i was dumped and the thought of seeing him moved on made it difficult for me to move on so quickly. Babe, I know you hear this all the time but it just takes time.
Seriously.
You'll look back in a few months and see why it didn't and wouldn't work out. In the meantime, although you'll have a s sudden urge to contact him, don't.
Give it time. The whole "theres a chance we could get back together", "if he saw me now all his feelings for me will come flooding back"...will go out of the window.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): So you were friends with benefits but you never slept with him? And somehow this got very romantic because he told you a few things you wanted to hear?
You are both very young and in college so he sounds to me like he is just an immature boy of a man and he couldn't really offer you a real relationship.
No one likes rejection especially when you really thought you liked him, but that said you can't let him take over your thoughts and make yourself sick or cause you to think less of yourself or less hopeful about the future.
I know it is hard to beleive right now, but he did you a favor. You don't need that aggravation or distraction of a guy who mistreats you in any way. Try focusing on your studies, and what I have found is when you feel that loss or that void, try giving something to someone else or listen to someone elses troubles and help them. It really will make you feel better. Also, try to reconnect with your family, sometimes it really helps being around your family as you may be a little disconnected from them because of school and this guy, and they really love you for you and can remind you of what an amazing young woman you are.
You are young, and likely this won't be the last time you have your heart broken...it happens a lot in life, but like every one else you will get through it. Do not allow yourself to wallow in self pity, get out of the house fix your hair and makeup and strike out on your own....you will meet some new people as soon as you can put a smile on your face. He isn't worth it to make yourself so miserable....Next time, don't allow someone to be your friend with benefits, it is a good deal for the guy but not for the girl. You may not have slept with him, but it sounds as if there was other sexual activity and intimacy, and unless you are in a committed relationship, this can hurt you because we women get very attached to our sexual partners, where men are different, they do not. Sex is not the way to make a man love you. You have to engage his heart and find a true connection and friendship for that to happen, and he has to be the one to give to you, not the other way around.
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female
reader, theeSWEETESTthing +, writes (16 January 2009):
 im only fourteen but i sware you must be my twin because we are goin throgh juss about the exact same things right now. . .what i think though is that you are juss havin detatchment issues cause i kno its hard to go from being with somebody and wanting to grow old with them and juss planning your future together to turn around and not be with them at all being so comfortable with somebody and wanting to be in love so bad and how disgusting the thought of being single is when your exactly sure of what you want more then ever before. . .but like you said you felt that he was juss gonna wind up using you and if you felt like that then you must have had some second thoughts in the back of your mind juss lingering like what if this. . .and what if that i think that time doesnt heal all wounds you juss move on from them but im sure that if you want a family and to settle down then theres a guy out there thats lookin for a girl juss like you who's serious and you deserve more then juss to have friend you deserve a man who will love and cares for you not one whos gonna end up doin you wrong in the end the most important thing though is that you have to believe that for yourself- love theeSWEETESTthing
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