A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I have a relationship problem.I've had a boyfriend for almost 2years (I am 19 now) I love him dearly and he loves me. He is sweet, kind and I'm his everything. His dad also treats me like family.However there is something missing in the relationship; that 'spark' has seem to have faded. It may be because he is now working a full time job while I'm at Uni and I only get to see him on weekends, I'm not too sure.Recently, due to my boyfriends work days; his bestfriend and I have been both seeing my boyfriend on the weekends and we have gotten closer. We have always been close friends but I've developed a stronger crush on him than the one i've had for years. And there is a spark.He has told me he likes me and vice versa. However, he has a girlfriend who isnt ready for a relationship and he told me he cheated on her.This whole situation is totally confusing me. I don't want to act on my feelings for him because 1: That would hurt my boyfriend, his girlfriend, me in the end. and 2: I don't want to be another girl he'd use, because for all i know, he might not ever like me at all, he could just be messing with my head.But then again, he's so amazing and we really click well. Its like the excitment of a new relationship again, that spark that has been missing.My head and heart hurt and I'm so messed up i dont know what im doing anymore. I dont want to do this, but then again i do. My heads being logical, but my heart isnt. help
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crush, has a girlfriend, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): i guess you would feel okay if your boyfriend cheated on you with his best friend's girlfriend
A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (17 December 2010):
If I were in your age I would not resist this seduction, that is sure. At about 20 there is no real cheating or faithlessness. Then the sensibility is dancing in all healthy person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): Just take your time. You're too confused now to make a serious decision that could hurt people.
It is hard to reconcile your logic side and your emotional side. But you have to reach a compromise between the two. Sometimes you can't please both: in that case, don't please either of them.
What to I mean by that? Take a break from both men. Ask them to give you some alone time. You might want to tell them the truth about how you're feeling, and that you don't want to hurt either of them or allow yourself to be hurt. Be sure to tell your boyfriend you still love him, and talk to him about what you think is wrong with the relationship. They won't like it, but they'll have to agree as long as it's fair.
Carry on with your life as if you were single and don't focus too much on relationships. Eventually you'll probably miss one of them more than the other one. If you don't, then it means none of them were fulfilling your needs.
Hopefully your boyfriend will take advantage of that break to make more time for you and find ways to bring back the "spark". Meanwhile, the best friend will hopefully sort things out with his girlfriend.
Personally I'd suggest you give your boyfriend a chance to rekindle the relationship, not only because he loves you, but simply because the other guy is not to be trusted! He cheated on his girlfriend, and doesn't seem concerned about stealing his best friend's girlfriend!
And remember that every relationship starts with that spark. Not every relationship stands the test of time and distance. But that's just the logical side of the issue. Only time will tell what your emotional side really wants.
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A
female
reader, Sandglade  +, writes (17 December 2010):
By the sounds of things you are aware of the issue, this is common for alot of people as work and university will often get in the way of a relationship. You can either keep going with this relationship which no doubt is worthwhile since you have been together so long, or simply accept that as with many relationships couples grow apart. However, if you can continue with the relationship in these times, you may find you develop a stronger relationship and appreciation for one another when you can spend more time together.However when it comes to this friend, from what I have read you know whats best, from the use of 'crush' and 'Its like the excitment of a new relationship again, that spark that has been missing', you should consider the long term as you know a crush isnt the same as loving someone, and isnt always a long term feeling, as you have mentioned 'the excitment of a new relationship', Just don't get yourself into a similar situation by going on these initial feelings. In this situation its best to consider how far you've come with your boyfriend so far, remember what brought you together in the first place etc. Better yet why not discuss this with your boyfriend, tell him how you feel, as you have mentioned and as it is with every relationship, its hard to stay with someone if you don't spend time with them. As you have said previously though, the 'spark' with your boyfriend hasn't gone it just needs to be rekindled, as this is a situation encountered in many if not all great relationships.I hope this helps...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): well probably you must move on with this new guy and forget your boyfriend this is because you and your boyfriend are not meeting each other anymore and also never trust in long distance relationships. if you love the guy and if he too loves you then just move on with him if your fine because later in life you must not be compramised in your life.dont think about this too much and listen to your heart.
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A
male
reader, Jason Michael  +, writes (17 December 2010):
Dear friend, there are a couple of things which I would like to say. I shall deal with those pertaining to you first. Not to be cruel, but you must stop thinking with your genitals! You know yourself that this boy (your boy friend's best friend) that he has been unfaithful. Would you employ someone who admitted stealing from another employer? No. So be careful with men who cheat - it is a life long habit, and not a good one. He has told you this because he is 'giving you the open door' to be the next fling. You are worth more than this.
You don't feel that spark with the boy friend? This happens. You must now seriously consider ending the relationship or seeking out some relationship counselling. You simply cannot continue to string him along; this is bad for the both of you. His family are irrelevant in this. If you don't feel that 'spark' for him and you are sleeping with him - you are cheapening yourself, and seriously doing wrong to him. This must be sorted and fast.
If you 'run off' with his friend, you are at risk of being cruel to him. His friend is not available; this is a big hint. A fling with the friend will break your current boy's heart and likely end his friendship with the other guy. Stuff like this lasts a lifetime. My advice: don't do it. There are other fish in the sea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): you boyfriends freind mentioned to you that he cheated on his girlfriend? Red Flags, what makes it so sure that he will not cheat on you?
If he is your boyfriends current friend that he cant be that great a friend to hit on you? Friends do not do that.
There may be no spark in your current relationship as you are over the moon with a feeling of a new relationship, dont replace one with the other, you may choose tyo move away from your current boyfriend but you need a period inbetween than jump from the frying pan into the fire in this case.
Last of all how would you feel if your boyfriend went out with your girlfriend, i am sure you would not be able to forging him, your girlfriend and in the end yourself.
Looks like this guy just wants to get into your pants....rest its your life
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A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 you already know what's right you are only asking because of guilt because maybe just maybe one person in this crazy world would say go ahead ruin 3 relationships gosh girl what are you thinkin
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