A
female
age
41-50,
*ena79
writes:I've recently got back together with an ex. We dated for a year, 7 years ago. (I was 25 and had ended it because I'd felt it was too intense - he was very much in love with me, proposed etc., and I wasn't ready, then.)He still feels the same way about me now, and I for him. We haven't slept together again, yet, and I'm sooo afraid he will not be attracted to me when he sees me naked, as I'm about 15 pounds heavier than I was back then (I'm 5 ft 8 and 147 pounds, and feel really self-conscious as I looked much thinner then, than now.)Can a man who loves you lose interest if you're a little over weight, or can he look past it if he's really in love??? You get such conflicting advice. Many wonderful men say "if he loves you, he won't care about the few extra pounds". But many others say you have to face the reality that "excess weight turns most men off, end of story". It's so confusing... sorry if it sounds like I'm being stupid, but I care so much about him and am really worrying about this...Thank you for any reassurance or harsh truths!!
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male
reader, steph007  +, writes (20 December 2010):
Many things can happen, but you have to go forward on this "reunioning" way. My feeling is that this man has already realized that you have got some extra pounds, and calculates with it. At least he did not to break away, yet. Anyhow, in your situation I would just asked him about this possible problem.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): Some women wear 15 extra pounds really well. Others dont. A lot depends on the woman and the weight ranges before and after.
I don't think 15 pounds should be any big deal-breaker. Not unless you were already on the far edge of what kind of woman he was attracted to originally.
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A
male
reader, Bamadave1000  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 Please, don't listen to the men who say it turns them off. If a man really is in love with you, then it won't matter one bit if you've gained some weight. If he turns out to be that kind of man, then he never truly loved you. I've only had that kind of love twice. With that kind of love, you see the object of your affection the same as the day you fell. You should not be the one that's being insecure. He should tell you that you're his fantasy-15 extra lbs or not.
Ladies, there are many men who will hurt you. When you fall in love, you fall deeply, madly in love. It's awesome, the power of a woman's love. Make sure the man is going to give you the same depth in return. I hope this one is still the one for you. If he is not, then throw his butt to the curb-his loss. Good luck to you
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): No he won't care, even guys that aren't in love you won't care, we don't care about weight as much as you think.
Morbidly obese women are the ones we don't like. A little extra weight is normal and sexy.
Look we guys aren't all built like models either, you don't mind a little bit of extra weight do you? Girls don't really give that much of a crap about bodies unless he has a giant beer belly or something. Well we guys are the same. We like average built women like you because most of us guys are average built too. I like women with a bit of a protruding belly, I really like a soft belly that I can jiggle a bit. Flat ones aren't my thing at all.
If he found you beautiful once a little extra weight won't matter, guys only really have a problem when it's a lot of weight 15 pounds isn't a lot at all. The main problem we have with our girls putting on weight (for the guys it matters to, which is very few) is not the weight but the lack of confidence, the diminished sex drive, the health problems etc only the most shallow guy cares about the weight itself.
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A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 I think excess weight is a minus (ie most guys prefer thin girls) but once the relationship gets going, it becomes a minor detail. In other words, IMHO, it takes more then 15 pounds extra weight to kill a relationship.
Besides if you guys want to marry you're going to get old and all so seriously 15 pounds more is not much compared to that.
Anyway in your case you guys were separated so you both maybe changed and all... it is nice being self conscious but remember appearances are not everything. Good luck.
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female
reader, marcia99116 +, writes (17 December 2010):
 I know you wanted a man's perspective but I have been with a woman... I got curious. In reality it depends on the man - like women men can look beyond a body to a person. It just helps if the person is soft and has nice parts about them (whatever turns him on). Contrary to our womanly beliefs, curves are nice - they enhance the softness of a woman's skin. The accentuate the parts of a woman that let you know she is healthy. It really doesn't matter if your stomach is slightly pudgier than the last time you got together. If he is into you it will be more than just what your body looks like now. Besides who wants to be with someone that shallow? Do you know what happens after you have kids... you can never get back to your skinny jeans then! So if he cannot accept you whatever your size then that is a trait that will last longer than you might be willing to work out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): To my mind, if he truely loves you, 15 lbs is unlikely to make much difference.
Also, 15 lbs just isn't that big of a deal. If he's seen you with your clothes on already, he probably has a pretty good iea of what you will look like with your clothes off.
If he feels the way I do about my girlfriend (we were together for about a year, then split for 6 years, but got back together about a year ago), a couple extra lbs would be nothing compared to the joy of being reunited with the one you love.
If you are really worried about it, you can start exercising, watching your diet, etc. to get back in the weight range you were before. I go to the gym with my GF now, it's a new activity we discovered that we like to do together that we didn't before. She's getting hotter by the day now!
There are all sorts of things you can do to further your relationship if you have a solid place to start from. Don't let one minor potential issue control every thing.
If you could post a follow up and let us know how it went after you do see him, I'd like to know how it went.
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