A
female
age
30-35,
*himsey
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating 1 year and a half, I love him but I've lost so much respect for him because of his porn use. I find his internet history full of porn videos, with titles like illegal teens, incest, and other disgusting things that make me sick. We've talked about it multiple times, and Ive always been clear that I wasn't judging his actions, but he cant respect the fact that I need him to stop. I'm on the verge of breaking up and i need help! What should I do?
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male
reader, CommandoDude +, writes (3 September 2010):
 If he is neglecting you for porn, he could either have a serious porn addiction (Yes, there is such a thing) or your interests could seriously just be too different and he uses porn as an outlet for his sexual frustration.The main differentiation to look at, is if he resorts to porn in all circumstances or only because you may not want to carry out his sexual fantasies during your own time. If it's the former the problem lies with him, if it's the latter the problem lies with you.If you can't handle what he watches, then you're not the woman for him. You should stop trying to give him ultimatums or control his life, it seems that you two are just too incompatible, you're too vanilla, he's too kinky. And men especially resent when women try to control them.This is not an issue about "Choosing between you and porn" that's over simplifying the situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): Thankyou person12345! It's almost over, because I've had enough. Your answer helped me alot! And soon567, my (ex) bf did not watch kiddie porn, not what I said at all, and also I didn't appreciate your remarks. I am a strong woman, I needed time to get my head straight and build the courage I needed.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 July 2010):
 If he won't stop even though he knows how much it hurts you and that you can't stay with him, he's never going to stop and you need to leave if it's something you can't deal with. Maybe leaving him will be the incentive for him to stop to hold on to you, but it could be that he values his right to porn more than you. If that's the case, you're definitely better off without him anyways.
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A
female
reader, Whimsey +, writes (30 June 2010):
Whimsey is verified as being by the original poster of the question it has been so difficult remaining with him while I know he's fantasizing about things I find disgusting. My boyfriend is not a pedophile in anyway, of course men are going to want to see younger girls, but I realize that they are really 20 somthings! I've given him ultimatums before, and I told him how heartbroken I am this time, and he said that there will never be a next time. As much as I want to believe him, I'd be stupid to. The issue is the amount of porn he watches, the content of it, and how (most) porn contradicts everything I believe in as a strong woman. I love him so much, but I dont know if I can leave! ahhhh
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): does it bother you if he watches 'regular' porn? If not why not simply ask that he look at that instead of underage stuff etc
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): I could not be with someone that 'made me sick'. You have every right to feel sickened by what your guy watches - its hardly mainstream porn. Despite what everyone says there are limits on the benefits of porn to a relationship and I think your boyfriend has gone beyond that, time and time again. You sound emotionally more mature than him, you have been considerate in talking things through with him but the fact is, as he has not taken your feelings seriously then he is not taking the relationship seriously. How much longer do you want to be in this situation.... how many more chances? It is damaging - my advice would be to leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): threaten to break up with him if he doesn't stop and if needed say he cant use the computer if he still doesn't stop
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): check out whether he loves you truly and deeply.and then take your next step for breaking up!
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A
female
reader, meowmeagan +, writes (30 June 2010):
Theres a lot of pyschology that goes along with these sorts of things. Just because he may look at images and videos that many people would find sickening, he does not necessarily have the desire to act on those things he sees and may need pornographic material in some cases to reach a satisfying climax. He may watch these.videos because it is something unusual and "naughty". The best thing to do is give him an ultimatum since this is something you do not agree with. He may love you deeply but finds himself addicted to these pornographic materials and if forced into a corner where he must choose between you or the porn, he may try to work on this issue for you. Unforthnately that's all you can do because you cannot force someone to change especially if they don't want to.
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female
reader, Jesc +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Well, If you honestly feel that you are on the verge of it.I vote you should do it.Yes it seems harsh and hard for you. But maybe that's what he needs a dose of reality. Let him know this has come in between you two.If he truly loves you he will try to change or at lest come to terms with his problem and try to work on it. He might need help from you being supportive. But that's a different subject.Breaking up with him might let him see that you are serious about his problems. I personally give you mad props putting up with what he has interest in is just incredible, I would have felt so wrong being with someone who looks at those. I'm not trying to sound rude in anyway, I was not trying to state that, You are a very strong young women. I believe it might help you both on this problem if you let him know, "It's me or your porn"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Yeah that is quite sick. What it comes down too if he will chose porn over you, if he chooses porn then he obviously does not love you. It doesn't matter how 'normal' people think it is, it comes down to that.
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