A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here's the thing.I never thought that I will reach this stage, It's not my thing to ask advice from the internet but I'm just confused and uncertain. I've been dating this guy since 3rd year highschool. I'm 22 now. I graduated college and I had my first job. We started having sex when I was 18. The first few years of doing it were great. But now, I felt like I'm not into it anymore. Is it possible to lose interest because we've been together for so long? I'm so young and I feel like we've been married for 40 years already! He still wants to do it with me, and I always make excuses not to. He's very understanding and we're still completely monogamous. We only have sex once every 5 weeks. unlike before when we do it almost everyday. I love him, and my family adores him! I can't imagine having a new guy because it will be big adjustment for everyone in our lives. This dry spell started out last year around october, so its been a long time.There's no third party. But sometimes, I catch myself fantasizing about other men.Help! I love him but is it possible to lose sexual appetite when you've been doing for a long time? Especially since we're still very young.I don't know. =(-cold
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): My boyfriend and I are going through the same thing.We used to do it all the time in the beginning but now it feels Blah sometimes.What we do is we try to keep it interesting with new positions, new moves, new fantasies, etc. You need to have a talk and be open about what turns you on and what doesn't.I've even found that going out and buying something that I know will turn my guy on makes me feel.. I don't know... Kinky!We have also developed the habit of texting, emailing or calling randomly and just talking about what we're going to do when we get home, it builds so much anticipation that we can barely contain ourselves and we pounce. Sex feels so much better when both parties are into it, and I'm sure your partner feels it too.Just be open and have fun:) Good luck
A
male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 "I can't imagine having a new guy because it will be big adjustment for everyone in our lives."
Are you sure you love him fully? That looks like a real possibility here.
Increase libido by watching porn, alone or with your guy. It helps in most cases.
Try to take sexual actions, and the thoughts/mood will follow.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 I guess it's possible, but highly improbable to lose your sexual appetite in perpetuity at your age. It sounds more like garden variety lack of interest or just plain old boredom. 5 weeks? yikes! I'm much older than you and I couldn't endure a 5 week sabbatical. They say familiarity breeds contempt, so perhaps you're only bored. You can still love the guy,and not be in lust with him. Have you tried talking to him about this to be fair to him? The "new" can wear off in a long term relationship and so both parties may need to put some effort into keeping the fire going. It doesn't just stop working one day and that's the end, sweetie. I suggest talking to your B/f, honestly, let him know how you feel about this, it's only fair since he may have some things he needs to get off his chest, too. Be nice, be honest. This goes both ways. It's not just about you. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, brklynsis81 +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Lack of libido could be a sign of a health problem, or depression. Do you show other signs of being depressed? I think you should seek help with a counselor. You are at a pretty pivotal yet stressful point in life and depression is not uncommon.
Here are some common signs of depression (from help-guide.org):
-you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
-you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
-you feel hopeless and helpless
-you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
-you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
-you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
y-ou have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)
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