A
male
age
41-50,
*hris_123
writes:I've got into a really difficult situation. I've got involved with a woman I work with, but she's married.She says that she feels she's found someone she can spend the rest of her life with and I feel the same about her. But she's said she won't leave her husband, and I'm not going to try and force her if she won't do it of her own accord.My question is...how do I deal with this? I've really fallen for her, but if it's going nowhere I need to try and get on with things...any advice is greatly received.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): I am in a similar situation to yours; my involved man is not married but lives with his partner and her parents! It hurts a lot to be in a grey area with someone. A lot of people looking from the outside have and will say "finish it now! stick to your/her vows!" But life isn't that black and white is it? There are many factors in leaving someone you have committed to apart from feelings. What you have to ask yourself is whether you like this woman enough to be her bit on the side while you wait for her to make up her mind. Yes, she may be wanting the best of both worlds, but if you are not the jealous type and can deal with the guilt when thinking of her husband, then enjoy her company while you can. If, however, you cannot deal with this situation, you do need to ask her for a final decision. It doesn't do a right lot for your confidence to be hanging on. And you're right; while involved you're not looking for anyone else, yet stuck in a relationship with no potential. Some people are happy with that; some people need more.
It's up to you darling, but make sure you don't get hurt.
A
male
reader, logicdebates  +, writes (22 June 2008):
Why not just be friends? If she cheats on her husband for you, she may cheat on you for another man and the game keeps going on. Please stay faithful, you married, stick to it!
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A
female
reader, accused +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Dear Chris_123: I am going to say this with the best regards to your situation.. You need to leave that woman alone! and let her be "MARRIED"... She won't leave her husband, but she will cheat on him, lie about being totally faithful to him (which by the way are in wedding vows)... What makes you think that if you get married to this woman she will not do this to you? Sounds to me that this woman wants her cake and eat it too! Just don't let this be at your expense! Its hard to stop seeing someone when you've fallen for them. Did she ever tell you why she wouldn't leave her husband? You are correct, you can't make someone leave or stay anywhere. Just ask yourself if this is the road you really want to drive down? Keep me posted! Best of luck,
Accused
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): everybody knows stay away from married people,they will never leave their partners,you will always get hurt,you just have to accept it and move on the best way for you to deal with
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