A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i've got a bit of a dilemma because I have fallen for a guy who is older than me by 7 years, married and who has a kid. We both really like each other but I don't know whether to take this relationship further. We haven't actually done anything yet but I know something could happen and then there would be no going back. We flirt like mad and everyone else can see that there is something between is too. The worst thing is that i have known him for 4 years as i met him when i was 18, but ive only started to fall for him in the last few months.it's not like I didn't know about his wife and kid when i first got to know him. Also i've always beleived that marriage is for life so i don't know how i have got myself into this mess. we are both fighting against our feelings for each and we can only do that for so long until we give in. it's not like i can get away from him either because we live close by and i always see him around. what can i do to get myself out of this situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I am in a smililar situation to you. However, I have taken things further. The consequence of going futher? I got hurt. Ask yourself this question: If you do go further, do you know that he will definately leave his wife?. I found out to my horror that although we really liked each other and he said he no longer loved his wife, he wants to stay with her. I feel like an idiot now and totally rejected.
On the other hand. The time we spent together was brilliant and totally worth the hurt and pain I'm feeling now!!
A
female
reader, miss fit +, writes (7 May 2007):
straight to the point, no sugar coating- do you actually care about his wife and kid? when you and him could go of on a 2 week whirlwind romance, who cares about his distraught wife and upset kid? your pysical-attraction based infatuation is much more important.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): I wholehearted concur with Eddie. This should be a no brainer.
A married man shouldn't even be conceived as an acceptable husband or boyfriend-sex is not real intimacy so stop lying to yourself and smack start your self worth and self esteem back into override.
He is a loser, plain and simple and he knows this. Thus his sly manouvering...I suspect he is smarter and in control as he targeted you for a reason-predators know prey when they see one.
And emotional cheating, 9 times out of 10, leads to physical contact or affair/cheating.
I say tell the butt wound that he is to leave you the hell alone until he has separated and filed for divorce otherwise it will only bring you heartache.
Don't equate the taboo of an extra marital affair as spark flying, it's just the idea that it shouldn't be happening, the thrill of being "bad" or "Dirty" that is appealing. For some reason, a weaker mind does operate this way.
How about running this by Mom or Dad and see what their advice garners. NO?
Then you know it's an idiot idea.
Join POF or some other online dating site and make sure you MAKE AND KEEP a STANDARD or RULE that NO MARRIED MEN EVER.
Get smart. Love yourself.
*hugs*
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 You say you haven't actually done anything yet. Yes you have. You've played the part of a flirt and helped him in being morally bankrupt. You do know what you're up to so it is a form of mental cheating, even if you haven't crossed the line physically. You see, it's not innocent. The reason it's not, is because you want to go further with him. It's not a chance meeting or a surprise encounter, it's planned flirting.
You're spending way too long deliberating over a situation that you have no business being in. Back off and do the moral thing here. Leave him alone. I always like to ask people what they would do in this sitution......Let's assume you go for this guy and he gives in. He leaves his wife and kids for you. The following year you start to flirt with a new guy who likes you too. You're really attracted to him also. Are yo going to leave your man for the new guy? Or the one after that, or the next..next..etc? You see, you'll aways be attracted to people. It's how we're wired. A relationship isn't about that as much as it's about a bond that develops between two people. It doesn't mean you are blind and out of tune with what's going on around you, it means you've established a bond with one other person.(despite what else might come along in the future) By the way, if you nurture a relationship, whatever else comes along will pale in comparison with what you're got at home.
Do the right thing.
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (7 May 2007):
Ask yourself this question:
Do you like the man he is?
Because the moment he chooses to cheat on his wife with you, he ceases to be the man worthy of your love. If you really like him, the best thing to do might be to remove the temptation that you represent until the emotionally charged, sexually charged tension between you two can fade.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 May 2007):
 Simply tell him that although you like him, you think it would be best if you didn't talk to one another any more. You are NOT a marriage wrecker and couldn't forgive yourself if you broke up an innocent family. At least that way you show you have morals and respect for yourself.
You know if you did get involved with him it would only turn out in hearbreak for you and his kids and wife. Don't waste your time on him, busy yourself and up your social life a bit more. There are lots of eligible batchelors out there who can give you the love and attention you deserve.
Eve
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