A
male
age
41-50,
*opelessbluesguy
writes:I am looking for a younger girl to start a family with. I am in my mid thirties but rarely feel any chemistry with girls this age. Nor do I feel that it would be wise for a girl of 34 to start having children. I am an artist and a musician. Ive found that it just doesnt feel right when Im with someone who isnt into music and art. I play piano and there is nothing better than a girl who also plays. I would like to start a family with someone who could help me raise a house that is musically and artistically educated. I dont believe in pushing children to pursue the arts if they are not interested, but they would definitely be in a fun and healthy household. Maybe we could even start a small family band someday. Ive heard Im at the ideal marrying age but I feel time is slipping from me yet I have so much to offer. It is so hard for me to meet anyone who is ideal. Ive been in search of her for many years now. No luck. What can I do? This is what I want and what I feel Im meant to do. Ive tried to be patient but I cant stop time Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 August 2015):
 Welcome to life. Lower your expectations and limit key qualities to look for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2015): Maybe try looking for someone who's company and personality you enjoy rather than a tick list of things they must be able to do. Maybe the person you will get on with the most might not play piano! Also you do know that a lot of women have children in their thirties and (shock horror!) Even older right?!
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (25 August 2015):
 Hi, what you say makes sense, but much of what you've stated, especially regarding a womans age and even your age, may i tell you quite forthrightedly, is totally untrue!! Just so you are aware, i am a nurse and i specialise in fertility coincidentally and i can assure you that this warped view, regarding childbearing and age is a very false and an outdated claim, that btw, was set back in the 1800s!The facts are, that so long as a woman is still fertile and healthy, then regardless of her age, she actually can and will get pregnant, even if sometimes she needs a helping hand getting there.I had my second beautiful son when i was 38 and i got pregnant naturally. I even knew i would, without the need of any extra fertility assistance. It was my gut instinct and i defied the social norm, i was ultra positive.Remember, yes, it may be different for some, but that is regardless of age alone anyway.I have had many young friends, who've had difficulty getting pregnant even in their twenties and early thirties, so you just never know.Sure, there are many women and regardless of their age, who will require fertility treatment of some sort or another, but not all.Also, men too, are often the source of their partner not getting pregnant, so it's not always the womans body that isn't doing it's job properly.You obviously aren't aware of these facts, nor are many people, so i wanted to shed much light on this for you to read.Btw, my partner fell in love with me when i was of mature age and he had no issue with this whatsoever and if he'd had an issue, he'd have missed out on the very best relationship, that he himself admits, to having ever had.We knew i could still have a baby and although he was neither here, nor there about having children, at a point during our relationship, we both decided we'd love to try for a baby and it happened approx 6 mths after we married, which is pretty quick to fall pregnant, although it can go either way, for women from all age categories.Please do not ever throw in the towel with a woman who is a bit more mature, because she could actually be what you've been waiting for and if you are overly picky, you may not meet Mrs Right, although it's your right to choose.There are many men and women who marry, re-marry and never had children, so by the time they did meet, 'the one', they were much older and there is nothing wrong with marrying and having children at an older age anyway.Actually, i will let you know that there was a story via the news here, regarding older parents being better parents and this is mainly due to the fact that older parents have more life experiences, they hold more knowledge and wisdom and this btw, comes naturally with maturity, they more often than not, have more financial security/stability as they've worked much longer than somebody younger, they are definitely more patient and committed to their relationships, their parenting and even i will vouch for this. They have above all, more quality time to give to their child, bec life isn't all about work, making money, the daily pressures and it's not about rush, rush all the time.I am not implying here, that younger parents do not make good parents, bec of course they can and do, but this story was focusing on older parents, who sadly, are forgotten often.In Indigenous cultures, the old are worshipped and revered, but in the West, only the young seem to be. We Westerners have 'SO MUCH TO LEARN'!What bothers me greatly about your post is your hang up on age.What you think, what other have said to you.Does it really matter that much what others tell you, may i ask?If somebody asked you to jump over the highest cliff, would you do it?If somebody asked you to get drunk every day, would you do it?If somebody told you you're too 'old' to get married and have kids, would you believe them?You are still very young and i know of many, many men who married and re-married, much older than you, i can assure you. They're actually much, much happier now.My dads brother, my Uncle married 5 years ago and he and his wife had a gorgeous baby boy early last year and my Uncle was 63 when he became a daddy for the first time and do you know what?He has told everybody that he's so glad he waited, because he's now so ready for the biggest job of his life and he is thoroughly enjoying his new role. He simply 'adores and dotes' on his new son every day. He's a great father and role model.My Uncles wife was almost 40 when she fell pregnant, so you see, it can and does happen.These old wives tales conjured up in the West, stipulate that you're over the hill and you will never get pregnant, unless you get treatment through IVF and unless you see a fertility specialist and whilst this may be true for many, it definitely does not apply to everybody, just as one 38 year old woman may well be more fertile than a 26 year old female who has had fertility issues at a younger age.There is no right or wrong here, but as a nurse, i have seen it countless times over. Women talking to me within the many hospitals i've work in and they tell me they're pregnant again, but now they're much older and they're so excited to be and actually looking more forward to the experience of becoming a mum again, as they're more mentally mature now.Many men get married at the later stages of their lives too and if you don't believe me, all you have to do is google or visit, simply out of curiousity, different dating sites globally.More and more men are seeking older women and there are many reasons as to why, but it's the truth and they're not overly worried about age alone. They're simply looking for the one they can deeply connect with and the rest will automatically follow.Please try not to label women and men based on age alone, because this is what you and countless many do do and as a mature woman myself, i will tell you that you are wrong.I am now in my 40s and i am about to have my third child, so you see, it does happen contrary to popular belief.Also in countries such as Afghanistan, many parts of Africa, Asia and Latin America, because of poverty and because of lack of birth control, many, many women are still falling pregnant naturally at 40+. It is actually quite common and the new research that i've been doing much of, now states that more often than not, it's not that a womans body can no longer conceive or carry over 40, but simply because of other factors such as pollution, pesticides, sprays, toxins in the air all around us, plus others that we add into our lives.If we took all this away, the human body, the woman's fertility would re-peak and she would be able to reproduce without serious setbacks.Relaxation is another big factor in getting pregnant at any age.We live in a pretty artificial and toxic world, so most of us are immune, to thinking beyond this, when it comes to conception and fertility success.I don't have your email address, however, i have many Oxford and Harvard links in reference to what i am saying within this msg.There are many real life stories of women who got pregnant naturally, multiple times, over the age of 40. It's very impressive reading indeed!!You need to stop worrying about everything you've mentioned, seriously!What you ought do is go out, put yourself out there, maybe try different meeting places to the ones you've already been and talk to many different women and don't be shy, don't be totally picky, just place yourself out there and so long as she is a decent, kind person, with a good disposition, you can take things from there.Who knows what could happen for you, but if you sit there, thinking about all that is wrong, all that could go wrong, all that you want but cannot have, it's little wonder that you have yet to meet, 'the one'.Your expectations are high and in the real world, you may not succeed, sorry to say.I too, am a part-time musician and i have been for many years now, but when i was searching for 'the one', i didn't care about him being a musician too, nor did he have to be, but so long as we connected deeply and there was a real spark there, i knew there'd be more to come and there was.We both feel deeply in love for the first time in our lives and he'd been married twice prior to much younger women, may i point out, yet he was attracted to me the most and he loves me more than any woman he has ever loved.How do i know?Because he tells me often and because i feel his sincerity.Btw, there are many who will never have heard of what i am saying regarding fertility etc;, so they would not be able to comprehend the facts, but they are.Sure, if you have children much later in life, there may be some risks both for mother and baby, but more often than not, so long as she is healthy and so long as she receives very good pre-natal care and post natal care, there is nothing to suggest, she'd be an otherwise poor candidate to become a mother.Many older parents are out there, google and you'll see and many are doing a fine job of rearing their children and they're not too old, or too unhealthy to keep up with their kids either.It's 'SOCIETY AT LARGE', who says it's bad!!'SOCIETY' doesn't know everything about everyone.With all due respect, i do know that there are many unhealthy younger people out there too, so if a younger woman/man is generally unfit/unhealthy, they too, may not be able to reproduce successfully.I wish you all the best, but do try to give more people a chance to show you their worth, who they are and do not stop at something potentially marvellous and amazing, simply because of age!I am older, but i cycle over 40kms per week, i play bass weekly, i do personal training weekly, i am studying, i have always worked 2 or more jobs since i was a teen and i have raised 2 boys and i have a third precious baby on the way, plus i have a house to run and errands to run weekly and you know what?I am coping, i am not dying slowly because of my age and i am a very healthy woman who, with the exception of giving birth, has never spent time within a hospital ward and i thank God daily for the gift of my good health.For many men/women, good genes play a huge part too and so too, never having abused their bodies by way of heavy drug taking, heavy smoking, heavy drinking etc;.Also, there are those who despite their biological age, may be much younger from a health standpoint.Think about this.Maybe your time hasn't come yet, maybe you've something very important to learn in this life. This is food for thought. :-)Best of luck to you and let me know how you get on in due time. :-)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 August 2015):
 Your post sounds like an advertisement in a matrimonial column!
You might want an ideal type but its very unlikely that you'll get all that you want because it doesn't happen like that!
Don't you know anyone from the piano fraternity who could introduce you to someone? Look, at the risk of sounding harsh, you may have to lower your standards because lets face it, having a Von Trapp family may not necessarily translate into reality.
Or if you're that keen on settling down soon then go to local clubs and meet people; it might just click.
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A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (25 August 2015):
Blimey - you don't want much do you?!!I am a single lady who can play a bit of piano and loves her music - but I am over the age of 34 so would not fit your requirements!! I could be the lady of your dreams and so could 100s of other women - but you are putting too many limitations up. When I was in my teens and 20s - I used to think like you - I wanted this person to be like that or that man to be like this...and in the end I'm still single because I was TOO FUSSY!! You should relax and just let the right person come along. I have been involved with a couple of men, in my time, that I would never have dreamed of dating before I met them - but sometimes the chemistry is just there! You say you don't want a woman over 34 to start a family with - but there are plenty of women in their late 30s and early 40s who are fit and healthy enough to still have fit and healthy children.So what if you do find that young 20-something year old to marry and have kids. She may have terrible taste in music because she is of a different generation to you - or worse still - she may run off with a 20-something year old lad, because she may find you 'over the hill'!! - What then?So I would suggest you lower your sights and just let nature take it's course. Sometimes what we plan in life never really works out like that - but you never know - something even better could be just round the corner!
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