A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My girlfriend just dropped out from university and is now finding a working job, while I'm still waiting to go university next year due to national service for my country. I still left another 10 months before getting my civilian status. The reason she quitted school is because she wants to lead a more independent life and she has the mindset of settling down. I am feeling insecure because she is already making a salary and I still can't provide her anything yet. And that's for at least another next 5 years! I wished to talk to her about this but as a guy, I feel a little uncomfortable/awkward to raise this up. I want to be a responsible guy for her, but I'm really lost. Should I start working instead?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (1 November 2015):
 University will secure your long term future. It will allow you the freedom to move into a far better career path in the future.
Life is very competitive and the idea of immediate gratification and the lack of patience of some people leads to some very poor life decisions.
Dropping out before you've even started will limit your choices in the future in a competitive world.
Yes there are people who had a great idea and chose to drop out and not finish their education. Such people are rare. For every Bill Gates (of Microsoft fame) who dropped out there are thousands more who did not finish their education who find their career path blocked because employers prefer to take on new graduates who have shown that they have the discipline and commitment to finish their education.
Your girlfriend appears to be impatient for material success, and certainly she is enjoying an income right now.
Short term, for the next few years she will enjoy her spending power. That's great for immediate gratification. But later when she yearns for more material wealth and security she will realize that life with more responsibilities ( a family, housing for that family) that she will wish she had pursued her education instead.
Do not be persuaded to forgo your education even if she chooses to abandon her education.
No doubt she expects that one day she will have a husband who is there for her and will be able to contribute to the relationship to ensure she can enjoy the lifestyle she craves.
She also sounds to be very independant and a woman who pursues what she wants.
Are you worried that she will abandon you if she is earning good money and you are not? With little prospect of that situation improving in the next five years?
If that is your fear then talk it over with her.
If she would abandon you under such circumstances then she is too fixated on herself and not respecting how important it is for you to look wisely ahead for a better long term future for you in every way - by you choosing to pursue and complete your education.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 August 2015):
 Your girlfriend took a shortcut and made a bad decision.
Do not quit your plans for any reason. You are not thinking long-term, and if your reasons for wanting to drop out of university is because you're afraid of losing her, then you REALLY need to stay in university because your relationship is flimsy.
I'm not making a judgment against your girlfriend, but she made a very shortsighted and rash choice. Yes, now she's getting an income, but you and I both know that college opens the door to make a lot more money in the long run as opposed to a job where you make money now, but you're seriously restricted in financial growth as the years go on.
Look at it this way - say she's in retail working at a store. In her mind, she has no husband, children, or home. The case is simple and helps her get things she wants now. Fast forward 5 years from now, and now she has adult expenses instead of living at home with Mommy and Daddy. All of a sudden, the money will seem like not much.
In the meantime, you stay in school and graduate. You use the university resources to keep a network of job postings and opportunities. You get a job, work hard, and 5 years from now with those same grown-up expenses, your salary is growing at a rate higher than hers. You've spent 5 years building up an educational and experience portfolio, and THEN the timing is right for you to take care of someone else if you so choose.
Let me give you another analogy:
What she's done is the equivalent of putting a TV dinner in the microwave for 5 minutes versus you preparing a gourmet meal. Yes, she's eating earlier than you are while you're prepping your meal and waiting for the 30-minutes to an hour it takes for it to cook properly, but in the end, when her stomach is hurting from the cheap food and she has nothing left to show for it, you are enjoying a delicious healthy meal with leftovers to spare for the week.
Don't cut corners. Don't take the easy way out. Don't make providing for her your goal. Make your own future your goal. Go to school now, graduate, think about what you want to do with your life, and in 20 years time, she will either be severely regretting dropping out of school, or she will have many kids and a guy is providing for her (again, if you want to be that guy, do NOT drop out!), or she will still be living on that cheap microwave sustenance.
If you feel insecure now because you're doing your national service and she's planning on settling down, think of how insecure you'll feel when you can't give her hardly anything because you hamstrung your earning potential by making a rash decision. She is planning on living off of someone else. That's not true independence.
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A
female
reader, chipmunk37  +, writes (25 August 2015):
 This is really a question you can answer yourself but I would suggest a few things you should ask yourself while you are deciding.You decided what you were going to study at university, what you were going to university for... because you had a goal in mind. How important is that goal to you?You are thinking of abandoning university to work not for yourself but for your girlfriend. Do you see yourself with your girlfriend for ever, do you look at her and can in vision a whole life with her? The decision you make now can have life altering affects, make sure you are making it for the right reasons. If you don,t see a life with her don,t alter your life to suit her when you don,t think she will be in it in the future.Do you have a guaranteed place in a university?Do you have a guaranteed job with the qualifications you already have? Just some things to think about.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (25 August 2015):
I would strongly suggest that you complete your education. If you do so you will be able to provide better for her in the future. Rushing into a decision right now, would not be a wise choice.
What she chose is for herself. Do the right thing for your future. And I do suggest talking to her. Don't let you being a guy stop you from that. It's nice what you want to do for her. You should talk to her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2015): Depends what you are studying at uni is it something with a 'proper' career attached to it? I went to uni never got a job in the subject I studied and have the debt of it for nothing really. I wouldn't personally recommend it to anyone unless its a specific job related subject or you are learned a useful skill\trade. But it is your life and your choice it should be about want you want to do in the future not to do with your girlfriend. You are v young and might not even be with this girl later on. With new jobs and\or at uni you will meet a lot of new people.
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