A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, however, recently I met another great guy. I really like him and although I know I should stay with my boyfriend because he has helped me so much in the past and has a good future ahead of him I can't help being attracted to this new guy.I'm 17, my boyfriend is 21 and the guy I'm interested in is 23. We just have so much in common and get along so well. I've already kissed him and feel really guilty for doing that to my boyfriend but at the same time I know my boyfriend won't find out. I know if I slept with this new guy my boyfriend wouldn't find out about that either most likely. But I don't want to do something like that to him.I really care about my boyfriend but I want to be able to be a teenager and go out and have a laugh with everyone but atm I feel like I can't without him going into a mood with me. Before I got together with my boyfriend I was in an abusive relationship with another guy for nearly 2 years who used to hit me and basically treat me like his property. He took my virginity when I was 14 and just generally hurt me. He cheated on me atleast 4 times but I was stupid enough to put up with it because it was my first proper relationship and he told me he loved me.I guess what the real problem is is the fact that I've been in a relationships for the past 4 years non stop and I just want to be able to be single and go out and do what I want but at the same time I don't want to lose the guy I'm with because he is the sort of person I know I should marry.
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female
reader, shiraz * +, writes (20 February 2009):
hiyah i think your really confused and without getting worse id do whats best and end the relationship, deep down you dont want to be there and in the end no matter how good you are at covering it it will begin to show. you need to sort your head before you go any further. dont give your boyfriend false promises though, i dont think its him you want to be with really hes just the safe option and he gives you the security you need but its unhealthy for you and him if your not 100% in it for the right reasons. everybody needs that space and freedom whre thet can be what they want do what they want and not hurt people. your young and deserve fun but he could be out getting fun too, so let him, let him live his life and you be happy livng yours. he may be the safe option but your heading in different directions and you cant have a future where you dont have the same ideas of where you want to be with each other. yeah hes good for you 3 years down the line but what happened to living for now! people get so prepared and serious so soon they forget who they really are and they fall into this life of another person living the life thats 'best overall'. you are 17 have options and are currently unhappy, nobody will change that for you, its something you have to do yourself.
i think you need to let him go in order for you to find yourself because underneath the relationship your lost and are being placed into a life ahead of yourself before your ready so stop this and take control. you are your own person with your own mind.
just for the record kissin another guy- not good hun and its the most obvious sign that your unhappy with what youve got, so change it for yourself as well as your boyfriend. good luck xxx
A
male
reader, 23ConfusedOne23  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 It doesn't sound like you want to be single, it sounds like you want to be with the other guy and that sounds like lust to me. Usually you like about 80% of your partner and the 20% is dislikes but you compromise because 80% is better then 0%. Sometimes someone comes along who will fill that 20% gap and you feel like you should go with them becuase they feel the void of that 20% but he will not be like your current boyfriend. I think just because you are 17 it doesn't mean that you can't be happy in a serious relationship with one person. If he makes you happy then stay with him and if there are things that bother you just talk to him. Tell him you would like to go out more because you are not having too much fun at the time. Talk about what is wrong and see if you and him can make a compromise.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (20 February 2009):
 Maybe it would actually be nicer if you did split up with your boyfriend and tell him you want a bit of time as a single girl. He won't like it but it will hurt him less than when he finds out that you are cheating on him.
If after a break he wants to take you back all is well. The question is... Is the other guy worth it?
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