A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I'm 16 almost 17 years old. I'm breaking down more than ever right now. I've been in two past relationships that were both ended horribly.When I was 13 my first ex decided to treat me like crap and never want to do anything and then have sex with a random guy from a mental hospital. My second ex which was a long distance relationship decided on valentines day to go with her ex to the movies. Little did I know until a couple days after that she gave him a blow-job and then lied to me.I'm currently just freaking out whenever my current girlfriend is near other guys and I'm like crying as I write this because I don't know what to do :'(I met her on vacation and spent a wonderful week with her, and we shared our first kiss with each other. Then when that week ended we both had to go back to where we lived. She currently lives in Michigan around 575 miles away. A 10 hour drive. I'm 16 and she's 14. I just don't feel comfortable with her being with this one guy she used to have a crush on. Which she just went to the beach with just recently with two other guys and one parent. I checked her buzz account and saw this message.@guy - lol tht was a GREAT car ride home:) hope u likd it:) :P Thnks for the hug!The thoughts going through my mind is they were cuddling in the back seat, teasing each other, holding hands, kissing, hugging. I just think of all the worst things that could have happened and I just can't stop. How do I stop these thoughts and feelings. I trust her, but I just don't want to lose her. I love her so much... I just don't want us to work.She also is homeschooled and the guy's mom is teaching one of her classes which the guy is in. So not only does he see her more often than me that gives them time to become better friends and forget about me... They also have swim together which is another 5 hours of her day 4 - 9. So basically I get until from 10 until she sleeps or her mom makes her go to bed...I need help... I've been hurt so badly, and I don't want to get hurt again. I need her so much. She does say that her crush is long gone and that she doesn't feel that way towards him. They are just really good friends.Excuse me for the extremely long question, but I just wanted to get this all out. I need help with this otherwise I dunno what I'm going to do. Thoughts just keep going around my head.If it is also any bit concerning I'm on the drug Accutane which has a lot of side-effects which cause my emotional breakdowns, but I don't want to come off as messed up in front of her.Please, I seriously need help and any responses are appreciated... I love her so much...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys! I talked it over with a close friend and getting another perspective on it, sounded like I was overreacting. Which I was, extremely. I talked to her about it and she understands that I'm emotionally unstable right now and she knows about my ex's.She told me what she did and it was far from anything I was thinking about. She was playing cards with him, and something with skittles. Lol. I really only freaked out because we had doubts about how long it would take the day before she went to the beach. So... yeah. We're better now though.My parents don't want me really to move to Michigan, and the jobs for the career I want aren't very good there. I plan to attend college, which is around 5 hours away from where she lives. Still better than 10 and I can visit her more often since it doesn't take half a day to get to her. I know LDR's don't work when you're young, but sometimes you just gotta do what your heart tells you.OhGetReal,I want to personally thank you for your response and say that it helped me a lot. :) I also do have to say that Accutane doesn't "cause" depression and stuff like that. It is however a major side effect from the drug. I had to sign this iPledge thing that had all the side effects, also agreeing to not get pregnant(I haven't personally tried), or get someone else pregnant while I'm taking it. A quick google search and you can find all the side effects.Her and I are better now, and I just had a breakdown because I didn't really get to talk to her at all that day. She sorta did random texts throughout the day. We also planned how to talk as much as we can when she starts school. Thanks for the advice, but we're going to keep going and see where it goes. If it stops working for us then we'll end it.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (28 August 2010):
 Hi, hun
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time and feeling so low and I'd like to make you feel better, but I am not sure you're going to like what I have to say.
Just know that you are entitled to all of your feelings, even the ones where you don't trust this girl, and being hurt by the past actions of other girls and I am not trying to judge you or blame you for anything by telling you what I think.
You are a teenager that has a lot of changes going on in your body including hormones that can cause you to be pretty moody.
I understand you are on Accutane and thing it is causing emotional breakdown, but there has been no evidence that the drug causes depression in teens or anyone else. I have some experience with this as I have lived with Adult Acne most of my life which started in my mid twenties. What I think might be going on with you is that if you have cystic Acne and it was bad enough for your doctor to put you on Accutane, that having the acne is causing you depression, and low self esteem. Let me tell you, it is really hard to deal with having bad acne and it does hurt your self esteem and make you think that people, especially the opposite sex are not going to desire you, that you are unlovable because of your Acne.
I think your low self esteem is sort of making you gravitate towards girls that are either promiscuous and are not capable of returning your feelings, or choosing to attach to a girl that lives 575 miles away and expecting to have the power to make her love you from afar so much so that she will never have another male friend but you.
Sweetheart! You are only 17, you should not be having a long distance relationship with a girl that you met on vacation! Holiday romances are intense and fun because they are on holiday, but going back to real life, they have to be let go, they aren't going to "work", especially when you are only a teenager and have no financial means to fly back and forth to maintain the relationship.
What you have done here is set YOURSELF up for failure, you can't blame this girl for not being trust worthy, she's a girl, and she is going to change her mind about as often as she changes her underwear! Teenage girls are like that! It has nothing to do with how lovable you are or how attractive you are. I know rejection hurts, it hurts a lot, but it is part of life and everyone experiences rejection whether they suffer from Acne or not.
You are a person with a good heart and a keen mind and your Acne is treatable and hopefully for you will end with your passage through adolescence into young adulthood.
Try to take care of yourself so that you don't get too emotionally attached to impossible women and relationships, you are just adding to your own stress levels.
I am probably not making you feel any better, or making your racing thoughts go away by telling you this, I just want you to consider what I am saying to you because I have been there, only I'm a female.
I do think you are depressed or suffering from quite a bit of anxiety which is coming from your racing thoughts, if you can try to distract yourself from those thoughts with some activity but allow yourself to actually feel those painful feelings, work through them and let them go, trying to stuff them down and ignore them is making you anxious. You aren't going to die from hurt feelings, they go away and the better ones come along afterwards. And the thing you have to remember is feelings are not reality. What you actually feel may have no basis in reality, you are being hard on yourself or you are sad, and it's part of being a human to experience sadness over loss especially....but you are not to blame for that loss...it's just an impossible relationship you have set up for yourself here, and it would be the kindest thing to do for you to move on and focus on something else that you want to do or accomplish.
You don't need a girlfriend to define yourself as a desirable, loving worthwhile, attractive human being. You are as God made you and I don't think God makes junk, do you?
You might want to make an appointment with your regular physician and tell him about the racing thoughts and the depression you are feeling and see if he can't recommend someone for you to talk to about all of this. It really helps to have a professional therapist help you work all of this out and process what you are going through.
Growing up is hard, but you have so much life ahead of you, and so many girlfriends you haven't even met yet...you have a lot to look forward to!
Take care and I hope you take my words to heart and that I helped you see things more realistically.
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A
female
reader, xoxDrkrosexox +, writes (28 August 2010):
well....u should just talk to her. She probaly didnt do the things you think she did. You might just be thinking wrongly because you've been hurt before. And if this relationship is causing u so much stress and break downs then end it. Its not healthy. If she really cares about you then if you tell her about the drug your on then she'll understand. Tell her you've been hurt before ( many times) and dont want it to happen again. And tell her that kindly...dont break down. Think about what your gonna say before you say it. Dont make her think that you think shes a whore or slut. Not all people in the world are bad people. Ive also been hurt twice, the last one 2 days ago. I had broken up with my sweet and kind boyfriend for a perv who broke my heart. I thought the guy was sweet but he was a bad guy. Watch what you do and the way she reacts. And cross the line for anything. hope i helped :D
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A
male
reader, James the Rocket  +, writes (28 August 2010):
You need to move to Michigan. Get some support to move to college or something up there, where you can have a dorm room and get meals (you being so young and all) or yes, she will forget about you.
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