A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with a girl for about five months now and she's very special to me. We dated for one month in school, 3 months during the summer and one month while SHE'S in college.I've always had issues and I've been clingy but I've been trying to get through them.But recently they almost ruined our relationship.I can't go into ALL of the details because it's too much to write and the details are becoming hazy.But, basically, I keep tormenting myself with thoughts that she doesn't care about me and I'm not a priority in her life. I end up venting it all at her, and I blame her for things that are MY fault, such as us not hanging out the one weekend she comes home because I tell her to be with her family (expecting her to say "No, I want to be with you") and she chooses them. I got mad at her and said that I don't matter to her even though she acts like I do.I need to grow up. I need to change, but I don't know how. This girl is genuinely special to me, and I'm not saying that just because of infatuation. I want to CHANGE for her.But how? How do I stop being so clingy and taking out MY own stress and personal demons on her? I've ruined EVERY one of my relationships EXACTLY this way. She's giving me one more chance, because she "has a small sliver of hope" that I can change. I don't want to lose her. Help me, please. Anyone? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, debbie_cool +, writes (28 August 2010):
I first step in correcting oneself is to realize one's mistake. And u r very good at it.
Do not let your last chance go down the drain.
Speak your mind to her, rather than asking her to do all the guess work.
Always be honest with your relationship.
And if u feel u r too possessive, well that too could lead to problems.
love unconditionally, but be careful not to take each others freedom for granted.
hope this helped
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 August 2010):
 It is admirable that you wish to change for this girl. It will be very difficult, fighting your own mind for change but it is entirely possible.
What makes you so clingy? No one clings to another thing/person for no reason. Is it paranoia? Is it loneliness? You have to give her space but you have to do so without causing your self anymore stress. Remember the way she treats you the next time you have an urge to vent on her. Remember how she's giving you one more chance and rethink your actions. If you need to let off some steam, do it alone. I know that when I'm angry, I find a place I can be alone where no one can hear me scream, no one can see me and no one can get hurt. You need peace.
You need a mental weapon to fight your anguish, remember how she makes you feel like you are important to her and don't forget it. It helps to pre-plan a conversation. For example, if you know that you'll get into an argument, think about how you SHOULD react, it helps me, it might help you too, you've found yourself a great girlfriend, don't forget how lucky you are so don't ever yell at her or make her feel bad. Remember to keep her smiling and remember your want for change. Good luck.
I hope that helps.
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