A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I THINK I'm gay and I don't want to be. This is causing me mega problems and I think it's at the root of the depression I've suffered for years. I've felt like this since I was around 13. I've had counselling, seen a psychiatrist and been prescribed anti-depressants. Nothing has helped. I have attempted suicide four times but didn't succeed, so I never told anyone. I'm 17 now. People say I'm depressed because I'm not working, not at college or in any form of training. But I know it's not because of that. It's because I'm gay and I hate it. It goes against everything inside me and everything I believe. I just want to be normal, to get married and have children, like everyone else. I've been denying my sexuality for years and the depression is the outcome. But you can't pick and choose and there's nothing I can do about it.I know you'll think this isn't normal, but I know I don't want to be gay having heard about such things as "gay-bashing", homophobia, turning down employment on grounds of sexuality, and the fact I know deep down that I want to be straight.I feel like I've nowhere to turn and just want to be "normal" [in the sexuality sense], even though I am normal in every other way.
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male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (26 June 2009):
Being gay is normal. A certain proportion of the population is gay, and you're part of that normal proportion.
You'll never feel any better until you come to terms with it. You are gay, and that is okay. It is just the way you are and there isn't anything wrong with it. Wanting or trying to be straight doesn't change that you are gay -- all it does is make things harder for you.
Accepting you are gay doesn't have to be anything more than acceptance. You don't have to tell anyone, do anything or be any different BUT you do need to personally accept who you are. Trust me you will feel a whole lot better if you come to terms with it.
Being gay isn't all that bad. Most gay guys have never been bashed or been rejected employment.
I get that you'd rather be straight (I've been there) but you're not. Full stop. Being gay is fine. It doesn't mean you'll have a bad life. You are young and have years ahead of you to sort yourself out so just take a breath, it is all okay!
A
female
reader, Cat_87 +, writes (25 June 2009):
 I think u are using your homosexuality as an excuse! Of course you can't be turned down from employment because your gay thats ridiculous! Its not the 1950's! We live in a world were everyone is treated equal, sometimes you will get a few ignorant people who will pick on you but everyone gets that! Gay or straight fat or thin etc etc. Get yourself a career, get out there and meet lots of people then you will fully understand yourself and your sexuality. Getting a job will not only allow you to meet like minded people but it will also improve your self worth and self esteem!17 is to young to be pigeon holing yourself into gay or straight, your teenage years are all about exploration and finding yourself! Enjoy it! I wish i could relive those years! Have fun! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): I wouldn't define being straight as 'normal', it's just the majority. You should talk about it to friends/family, they may be suprised at first but they will get over it and see you as the same guy. If you want to be happy, then you have to accept that it's who you are, and if other people can't accept that then it's their loss.
Your sexuality should not affect your future employment. It's none of their business and it's up to you whether you want to broadcast it or not, but you certainly shouldn't be ashamed either.
I suggest you open up to the people you're closest to, that will be a relief and maybe then you can start accepting who you are, once you figure out yourself.
If you don't think you can talk about it to your friends and family, perhaps you should go back to a counsellor or psychiatrist, not because of your depression (even though this is the cause) but because of your sexuality. As you said you've been lying about why you're depressed, so that's probably why it's not worked.
Good luck
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