A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I had a child last October, we were soon engaged after that. However, a few months ago we broke up for I was very surprised to find out he was cheating on me and once it was confronted he left me for this woman he was cheating with me on at work. He also kicked my son and I out of our place we had together. I moved back into my parents house now and I'm still looking for a place for us to live. I just want to move on, but I'm not sure how to? I honestly don't feel like I could trust any guy again enough to date again. Every guy I have been with (2 serious relationships) have cheated on me and I feel like every guy just wants a piece and doesn't care about anything else. I have been asked a few times out and while I want to say yes, but something stops me from going and I just make excuses of why not to go. This probably seems really simple to most people, but unless your in this position I'm not sure if anyone knows or understands my position. How can I get over all this and just move on with my life? I want to, but I just can't figure out how and it's killing me!
View related questions:
at work, broke up, cheated on me, engaged, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jayed  +, writes (13 August 2011):
Hello,
It is said that the average girl will have her heart broken three times and be in five failed relationship in her lifetime before finding the right guy. That is just statistics, personally I've been in only two and had my heart broken, yes you guessed, twice. Each relationship is different, but when it fails it follows the same exact pattern, you fight, it ends, you suffer and move on. You seemed to be stuck between the last to and really need to just take that step towards moving on. Life is about moving forward and trying to improve yourself all the time.
I got word about your boyfriend and he's just a complete loser. Who would want to be with someone like that? Really. You need to move on and fast, that scumbag doesn't deserve this, what your putting yourself through.
You will have to take my word on this one, there is a happy life for you out there and there is a good guy too, just trust life on that! Take time to heal, work on solving your trust issues, be friends before starting anything with someone, get to know yourself and figure what your boundaries are in a
relationship. Be patient, one day you will find someone that shares the same feelings and values as you do, I promise!
All the best!
A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (13 August 2011):
 It will take a lot of time. Just be patient. Not all guys are jerks and you will find someone. Give yourself a bit of time before you begin dating again. Once you feel ready, start dating slowly and don't assume the worst of people. Take your time and focus on you for now. It will heal.
...............................
A
male
reader, 83puremage1  +, writes (13 August 2011):
I have never been into a similar situation as yours one but I do feel your pain because I have devoted myself into a girl who do NOT love me back. It is mentally exhausting to watch her holding hands with other guy.
The best thing is to forget that person. It will take a ridiculous amount of time and pain but at last it worth it.
In the future, I suggest you to choose your partner carefully and give it more time to watch a person. Anyone can act perfectly when they are demanding something from you and when they have achieved they can turn around and ditch you.
There is no contract or law to regulate this area of our life. It is trust.
You just have to be careful and stay strong.
...............................
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (13 August 2011):
Oh my God! You need to learn how to read people better. And I don't mean that as a putdown at all.
Cheating is an indicator of an overall immoral character. I was wondering, did you notice that your previous lovers had any immoral indications, like did they do drugs, lie to others, steal things from their workplace, etc.
Because I am telling you, there is no honest, straightforward ethical person who just happens to be cheating. Its a whole picture.
It takes a very high level of morality to keep a relationship together, even to live a happy prosperous life.
If you need to fix yours, do so. And then make sure the next one is of a very high moral character. If you are not attracted to moral people, think of them as "goody-goods" or whatever, that may be part of your problem.
So ask yourself, were these guys "bad boys" and did you find that attractive?
Best wishes to you. I was cheated on by my then-fiancee 20 years ago. It was painful for sure.
Oh yes, and she was a bad girl, and I loved it, and she found herself a bad boy to have sex with when I was not around.
I hope this helps. If it doesn't nail it for you completely, its onlhy because I don't have much data about your exact situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): You are so young! Take this time now to focus on raising a smart and happy little boy while also developing yourself - get a great education and career (where you will be financially strong), workout, build strong friendships....a good man will come along later in life when you are independent and mature. Right now, at your age, its difficult because the men are just so immature. If you are a great catch, you will also attract high caliber men. Time to focus on yourself for a few years.
...............................
|
