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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,Ive been married for 1 year and six months. When we were goin out we used to get really intimate but since marriage everything changed!We don't kiss in passionate ways anymore or do anything romantic. We don't even have sex that much any more. When I try to kiss him passionately to start "something" I get butterflies just like I used to but I dont think he even cares that I'm trying.Sometimes I make myself look really nice and I make the scene really nice so we can make love but He just goes to bed, and that really hurts.What can I do to make him be more romantic and caring, like the way he used to be? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2005):
Maintaining excitement in any relationship over the long term can be a challenge. But this has to be a 2-way street. If one partner doesn't feel the need to flirt & keep things fresh, and the other does, the one who does will quickly tire of the absence of reciprocation. Ultimately it requires similar values from both partners. And the ability to have fun..all the time. Laughter, jokes, flirting...that's the key to keeping a relationship fun and happy.
And even exciting sex, if it stays the same for several years, will get boring. So the trick to this is clearly to keep exploring & trying new things. This applies to conversation & flirting as well as sex. So flirt..add some spice to your relationship. Keep your daily habits "feeling new." If you can, then flirting will be an ongoing process for the rest of your marriage & life.
Go on some websites and find out "how" to get you relationship out of the slumps. Get wild and have some fun!
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
Hi sweetie,
It's obvious you are trying REALLY hard to re-kindle the passion in the relationship with your hubby.
Perhaps you are trying too hard.
Picture yourself in a row boat...you have both oars & are doing ALL the paddling...and your husband is just sitting there enjoying the scenery, while you are doing all the work...it must be totally exhausting for you !
Pass the oars to your hubby & tell him it's his turn to paddle the boat , while you take a much needed break.
When he has contributed to "moving the boat", then offer to take one of the paddles & row TOGETHER...in the SAME direction.
Men see Life in "black & white" they don't see grey areas like females do...we are emotional & verbal & explore issues with a "peripheral view" but men have "tunnel vision"...they only see one thing at a time.
So be BLUNT with him...straight forward & direct.
Tell him that you feel hurt when you take time to dress sexy & he doesn't notice, and you are upset when you create a romantic atmosphere & he ignores it & goes to bed.
Remind him that you love him & desire passion in life !
Now it's his turn to step up to the plate.
If he really loves you, then he will work to re-kindle the passion in your marriage.
Relationships are HARD WORK and need more than just the occasional effort...it's a daily CHOICE to work together so your marriage can blossom & grow.
You can't do all the work Angel...it's not acceptable.
If he continues to sit back like a couch potato & ignore the sexy goddess under his nose, you have 2 choices:
1) say nothing & keep trying to get his attention
2) speak up, shake him up & demand some action
Make it crystal clear to him, that you need more passion in your marriage...if he does nothing...you might need to take a closer look at this relationship & decide you need a break for awhile...you don't want to spend the rest of your life in an unfulfilled marriage, devoid of romance & passion.
When a man fears losing his mate...he changes, if he truly cares !
All the best,
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A
female
reader, asia +, writes (8 July 2005):
Well hun, I do not think you are the problem. He is the one who is losing the love for you. Marriage is a big step and sometimes it kills the relationship. By you trying to do all this romantic stuff and he does not respond back then I think he is cheating on you. Never say never, look at everything around you. Do not be in denial or that will keep you blinded. I have been there before and come to find out yes he is. If someone does not have an attraction anymore he has someone else. Think how can a man just go to bed without sex, he is a man. He needs it but not with you hun. look at all the signs. look into the internet and read about cheating apouses. YOu will see what i mean. hope all is okay. Good luck! Let me know what happens
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A
female
reader, Mystic +, writes (8 July 2005):
Dear Let's face it- Romantic love is a myth . True acceptance of each other's individuality and separateness is the only foundation upon which a mature marriage can be based and real love can grow. Communicate your feelings to your husband . All the romance will come back only when you are absolutely comfortable and honest with what you feel for each other. Good luck .
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A
female
reader, rrclark21 +, writes (8 July 2005):
If you haven't talked to him already about your worries and concerns then now is the time to do so. Marriage is nothing to play with, and it often happens that American society has us thinking that people should marry for romantic reasons. When this happens flames are going to burn out quick. However, you two obviously need marrige counseling, whether its a mutal friend or a professional. Being pretty and lighting candles does not solve problems in a marriage, something else is going on, something much deeper than your superficial worries, such as sex. You two need to get to the bottom of the issue and work on it. Do not do all the problem solving by yourself, because he has to be willing to work with you since you two are partners. However, if he does not cooperate and doesn't want to help work things out and he remains distant, then you need to ask yourself why you married him in the first place. If it was because of the intamacy, then the battle is not yours anymore - you may need to move on.
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A
female
reader, jociandee +, writes (8 July 2005):
When people take the final step of marriage it can be very daunting because it is so final. Men especially can feel trapped and often will push their partner away as a defense mechanism. If he doesn't seem interested in sex at the moment then maybe it is time to try a different approach. Maybe organise a day out for him & his best mate on their own, like tickets to a football match. Let him see that he is still the same guy even though he is now married. When he returns do something you haven't done before, something that is naughty or taboo. It will help him see that there is still a lot of new things to do and that marriage isn't the end of excitment. I hope this helps!.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2005): it seems that he has forgotten that he made a commitment to you and God. he also forgot that he is know longer his man but that he belongs to you body,mind,and everything in between. ask him what changed about your relationship since marriage. marriage is a partnership,I don't want to see something good fail because of ignorance. remind him that God said the man who fines a wife finds a good thing
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