A
female
age
30-35,
*inkbunni3xz
writes:I am writing here to vent out my feelings and the trouble I'm having in my relationship.I've always been a clingy girlfriend. I do like to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and I would get disappointed if he would not do the same. The only difference from this relationship and my other serious ones is during this one, I got counseling. I have been getting a lot of personal counseling and I have learned most of the issues I have in my relationship comes from my childhood. The issues I have most is the fear of being abandoned and not being able to trust.I guess lately I've been feeling way too much anxiety and I feel like ending the relationship. I know deep down I am a good person and I do want the best for him. But during the moment, it is way too hard. Whenever I get anxiety, I need reassurance. I can see the amount of stress he goes through when he has to "put up" with me. I'm so tired of feeling like the bad guy all the time. It's his first relationship so I guess he's not really an expert at the game yet. I guess when he criticizes me saying I'm controlling, picking, wanting a lot of time from him makes me feel even worse as a human being and I'm not really sure why he is with me anymore. I guess the icing on the cake is when he doesn't even invite me to hang out with his friends. All his friends bring their girlfriends and it breaks my heart knowing he would rather be the odd guy out than to have me join the party. He does it to avoid fighting.I hate myself. Then I resent him. Then I hate myself. Being in a relationship is way too hard. Fighting is just so much easier than actually trusting him and believing him. Because to do that would take all of me. I know I'm doing the best I could and I am getting better and better each day. I've never given a guy this much freedom in my life. I'm getting there. I guess there has been so much hurt feelings and doubt for me to continue.I don't want to see the sadness and exhaustion on his face anymore. I want someone to love me wholeheartedly. Who would be extremely proud of having me as his girlfriend and would show it off to the world in a heartbeat.I don't blame him. But at the same time I want someone who will stay with me through thick and thin. Through the best and worst of times. And someone who can see the goodness in me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bardia  +, writes (23 December 2011):
 I could've written that. It's always good to know that someone else is going through the same things. Depression, anxiety, lack of trust--it's of the utmost importance that we continue with counseling. It makes the relationship so much easier. My BF has been exceptionally patient but it has also taken a visible toll on him. It's take months but I think we've finally turned a corner after clearing the air a few times (we've had much to discuss). Hopefully your's will continue to be patient as you grow and heal. It's a difficult road and those who don't suffer from these things don't understand very well. But if you have fought a lot, it might be better to find someone who is a little more understanding (some people just never understand the difficulties of living with mental illness of any kind). Or take a break w/your current guy, give him space to relax and try it again a while later. Like the previous poster said, if there's been too much drama, sometimes the other person just can't recover from it. Think about it all. Talk to him some more (always rationally and without accusations). Good luck and hang in there no matter what happens.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 First of all well done for actually getting some help, it sounds like you are making fantastic progress so well done you. So many people wouldnt be brave enough to actually get help so you have made some great big steps already.
However with regards to your relationship, I do think too much water has passed under the bridge unfortunately and there is probably no going back now.
Too much hurt has been caused, for both of you, even if you get better he will never believe that you totally trust him. Unless you can both wipe the slate clean and have a completely fresh start I think you need to end it and move on.
It would also be beneficial for you to be single for a while, to fully work on your trust issues and insecurities, so when you go into a new relationship you dont start off on a bad foot again. Your currently relationship started badly because of your trust issues, and I dont think you can ever recover from this. Whereas if you started a new relationship where you had no trust issues, you automatically gave the guy freedom and there were no insecurities then imagine how much happier you would be.
At the moment your current relationship is too much like hard work for both of you, and it shouldnt be this hard. He is pushing you away by not involving you in his life because of the problems from the past, and you are trying your hardest to get better and be better with him but he is not recognising it and you feel resentful because you are making so much effort.
I honestly think you need some time to be single to finish your counselling and get to a point where you feel you really have sorted your issues out. Then you can go into a new relationship, with a completely fresh outlook on relationships, and you can trust him from the start so this situation doesnt repeat itself again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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