A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please, can somone help me? I am in love with my 1st cousin and she has feelings for me but I don't have a problem with her being my cousin but she has been told she would be cut out of familys life if it ever was to happen so i think she's scared of letting her feelings get stronger. But it's painful for me to love someone knowing I can't be with them and I am just wondering can someone please let me know there veiws. I know some might find it wrong but I know a majority understand so please feel free to comment.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Tru love. Isn't it wonderful.I am in a relationship with my 1st cousin and have been for 4.5yrs. He has always had a thing for me even as children. Please be aware of the pitfalls though! We do not live together but both families know about it. His mother will no longer speak to me - or look at me as she would rather turn and look a brick wall 2" from her face rather than at me, which by the way she has done several times - so he does not speak to her much (for other reasons too I might add). My mother still loves him and thinks of him very highly. As for our siblings well - they will talk to us if they bump into us together but will not invite the "other" to family functions. As in, he goes to his family stuff and I go to mine! Because of our siblings he is even reluctant to visit my mother in case someone turns up. Yes, sadly, things do still get uncomfortable. My friends are great about it. His friends try to avoid me like the plague! We still have our personal moments of angst but have been through so much together that it just makes us stronger and more determined to sort stuff out. Anyway - I hope it works out for you both. Stay strong.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I think being unable to be honest about your feelings is a real shame, there is no law that deems cousin relationship as incest in fact there have been many cousin couples who have married, the biggest prob that you and your cousin have is peoples moral judments including that of the family. i think as long as you and your cousin are mentaly prepaired for all possible reactions and you are both willing to ride the storms...then maybe its worth the risk's. wishing you all the succsess x
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (8 September 2007):
I think part of this is you wanting something you cannot have. Is it worth her getting booted out of the family? Are you sure you wouldn't be booted from the family? There's a higher risk that you'd have deformed or retarded children if it ever came to that. Focus your attention on other females. See if your feelings for her go away. It might just be that you're focused on her right now and you're closer to her.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (8 September 2007):
First of all please understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you having a relationship with your first cousin - there is nothing wrong with it at all. It would also be in your best interests to completely ignore the comments made below by "AylaJ". She is so completely out of touch with our British society, our moralities and our laws and to cap it off her rather backward views would be harsh here even in victorian times. There will not be any kind of throwbacks, freakshows or deformaties like her fatuous attemps at scaremongering suggests either. Incest here only and in many developed countries refers to direct blood relatives only. That is: (Brother/Sister) (Father/Daughter) (Mother/Son) Only.Taking things steadily and bringing the information out a little at a time to get her parents used to the idea would be a curteous way to do this. Can you talk to your parents about this? If you can would they be supportive and would they help you both?If things are difficult knowing she feels the same way about you can make it bearable whilst you pull back for a little while. Unless there is something far more complicated here I should think her parents - (your aunt and uncle) should eventually come around to the idea and embrace it too. I wish you luck for the future on this one in hoping that old thinking sooner rather than later comes into the 21st century.Trev.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (8 September 2007):
 I would recommend you check the laws in your country, I don't think there are laws against first cousin relationships but that would be a first step in a case like this. The other thing is to take it a step at a time. You may have to gradually get the idea out into the open and give your respective families a chance to get used to the idea and go from there. I do know what you are going through, only here in the states, at least where I did live at the time cousin, cousin relationships are forbidden. Hope it works out for you. Doc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): you cant help you fall in love with, either of you. and by them trying to stop you, you are being pulled closer together. It isnt illegal in britain to marry or have sexual relationships with 1st cousins. The issue some people have is if you ever have children, but its early days anyway. I think you should go for it, when your families see how happy and suitable you are for eachother they will probably be happier for you both.
Tell them they could share granchildren, that would be interesting.
xXx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007):
"Nietzsche said it best, one must not want anything to be different, not forward, not backward not in all eternity, not only to embrace what is necessary but to love it!"
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