A
male
age
26-29,
*am Wilson
writes:Greetings Agony Aunts and Uncles,To give you a bit of background Im in a LDR with mg GF for about a month now and the separation is killing us. We met in college and our both living near our families in different states. Unless one of us is willing to leave his/her job there is no direct solution for us to live with or near each other in the near future we currently strive to see each other twice a month but we both feel Its a bit lacking.Is this doomed to fail, I have been single only once for a year after dating at age fourteen. So ive been acustomed to life as a couple. Ive only ever had two girlfriends losing my virginity to my current one.To start off Im a bit of the jealous type and when I hear my gfs stories about her having guys talk to her and approach her it makes me jealous but I feel that its unfair for her that I have a girl in my group of friends...i cant stop myself from being paranoid that someone will steal her from me.Recently I started hanging out with my friends again which includes my EX GF, and long story short I find her presence comforting, I know it stems from being alone, and I hate myself for seeking intimacy with other people. I didnt sleep, kiss or touch my ex in any way but I still feel guilty and I miss my girlfriend even more. I feel myself slipping, I love my girlfriend and I hate myself for being unfateful(i think so?) but I really cant handle being alone (which is a problem on its own). Me and my Ex split amicably and cannot really split up because our friends and family are so intertwined(my gf is aware of this)So my questions are...1. Is it wrong for me to feel this way.2. Is an LDR with no immediate chance of getting together feasible.3. Or should I isolate myself from girls altogether.
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2017):
 I don't agree with you, I think if you loved someone you wouldn't be looking to get close to another girl. You need to make up your mind about what you want.
A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (23 September 2017):
Sam Wilson is verified as being by the original poster of the question We see each other twice a month, and we are planning to change it to once a week but the thing is, if we're both feeling lonely wont that eventually drive us apart. I am just trying to see where this will go long term, we were practically living together during college and know its hard to not be around her.
And now having someone Im seeing everyday (my ex),I feel that one day I might slip and just do something Id regret.
Thanks for the advice...but I do have things to consider.
Even though we still love each other, if we find that the distance between us isnt fulfilling our needs would that be a feasible way to break up? I really dont want that to happen, but I know its that " not the time and place time " type of situation right?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 September 2017):
 Well, yeah, if neither one is willing to leave eventually their job and move to reach the other, of course it's doomed to fail, there's no point in dragging things on , it's an exercise in futility. I guess we should just define what does it mean " in the immediate future "- one year ? Two ? More ?
TBH, I don't think you 'd even make it through ( or should try ) to make it through 1 year or 2. I might advice other persons to just hang in there and plod on, but it depends. Not everybody is suited for LDRs- LDRs are difficult, and they really work just for people who can meet up regularly without struggling, financially or otherwise, are not prone to jealousy , and are totally secure in / committed to their relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (23 September 2017):
1. No it is not wrong to feel the way that you do, and also you are just comforted because you miss your girlfriend, I have no doubt that you wouldn't cheat and you should feel the same. Have more faith in yourself.
2. No if use have no plans to be together the relationship will no doubt fail. Use do need to come up with a solution if use want to be together.
3. No don't isolate yourself that is not the answer. You need to find a solution on how you can be together.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (23 September 2017):
 Ignoring your questions altogether, I have to ask you, what do you think is going to happen if neither of you is prepared to move?
Think about it.
If there is no plan to be together then what..? Your choice is to part company amicably or make a plan to be together. I mean really - that's all there is in the real world.
...............................
|
