A
female
age
41-50,
*tina356
writes:I just started seeing this really attractive man and on the 3rd date, he asked me what I would like to name my kids. I thought this was a strange question. But I played along with it because I'm really attracted to him. Since then, he has asked me about what kind of engagement ring I like. He also told me that he doesn't like the idea of his wife working in New York City - where I currently work. I told him we'd cross that bridge when we get to it. We have an on going joke that he can't wait for me to drive the mini van with the kids in tow. I told him that I will never drive a mini van. One day after looking at him lovingly, I told him that I think we would have cute babies together. All of a sudden he started to freak out that I said that and now needs space. If he brought this stuff up all the time, I don't understand why my saying it was so scary.
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female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (31 July 2008):
Xtina356 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe also told me on several occasions that he can't beleive how happy he has been spending time with me. He told me he has never felt this way before and it scares him.
A
female
reader, QueenB gossip girl +, writes (31 July 2008):
Hey, well I personally think this guy is obviously a little strange to begin with. This man asks you some pretty forward questions after 'only' your third date, which is definitely not the usual behaviour of a guy so soon in the dating process. The normal reaction or the most frequent reaction for a man being confronted about commmitment and especially kids is enough to send him running, but for him to do it to you is quite strange. Then you finally play along with this and then he gets freaked out, my opinion is that he was playing some sort of game or something like that to make you feel safe or to tell you that he wants to start a relationship properly and then when you said something like that seriously it scared him. Don't worry though if you leave him alone for a few days and he still hasn't called you back just leave him a message explaining why you said what you did. Hope everything goes well xxx QueenB
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Some details. Did he ask "what do you want to name YOUR children" or "what do you want to name OUR children"?
Important difference.
He doesn't want his wife to work in NYC. That doesn't mean you are that wife, in fact it can almost be read as "you work in NYC, therefor you cannot be my wife".
Are you sure he is not talking about a general future wife, not necessarily you?
It could also be that he thought they were good lines to show how stable and nice a guy he is.
Or indeed what Daniel says, he was testing the water and just when he dipped in a toe this great white female jumps out of the water.
Best to be cautious, I doubt very much wether he is as willing to get committed as you are.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 This is a very good question. Like you said, he was moving way too quickly, and now, when he feels you can be serious about it, he asks for space.
I think he might think of you as a wife but doesn't want to commit right now. He was, however, testing the waters to see what kind of a life you would agree to have in the event he married you. So far, you've playfully agreed to everything he has said, and he has liked it. Now that things get serious, he puts the brakes.
I think you should tell him exactly what you have told us. Something like "Weren't you serious when you said all this?" You also have some water testing to do yourself, I guess.
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