A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friends and I go to the same bar every weekend. After several months of attending, one of the bartenders and I hit it off. He took my number, started texting every day (non-stop), called, asked me out and things looked promising. We went on a typical, awkward first date, he was a perfect gentleman, we had an awkward half lip/half cheek kiss goodnight and it seemed like we'd do it again. We kept texting each other - and seeing each other at the bar, in fact, the next time I went to the pub EVERYONE in there knew we had gone out (appraently he told all of his friends). Eventually (about 3 weeks later, but I was away one weekend) he and I got together for a second date. This one went even better than the first, except for the kiss goodnight, which was a peck on the lips and then he basically bolted away. Okay, we're definitely still nervous around each other. But, I took that as if he likes me and is nervous, so that's okay.After that date we kept texting, but it started lessening a bit. I noticed he started texting me more when he was out drinking or after the bar. So, after one late night text that was a bit cocky, I sent him a text letting him know I wasn't gonna be the girl who leaves the bar with him. A few days after I sent that I realized it probably sounded pretty bitchy, so I called him and left a nice message saying how i hope we're still cool and I"d still like to get to know him - just the proper way. He called right back, but I wasn't around to answer. So, we played phone tag for a couple days and I ended up just seeing him at the bar that weekend and we never talked. Everything seemed normal at the bar, but no talk of another date or anything. So, I text him to see if he wanted to hang out, he asked what day worked for me, so I picked a day and got excited...until he had to cancel to visit with his mom. And, no talk of rescheduling. I had a busy family week, too, so I just left it. He text me the next saturday night apologizing for not calling to reschedule. I didn't respond because I knew I'd see him in a bit when I went to the bar. And, I did. Except I went with a guy friend (who might be gay, so I never thought how bad that could/would look); well, the bartender looked like he was going to cry that I was there with another guy. So, I talked to him a bunch and when the other bartender asked me what was up, I told him the truth - the guy I was with was just a friend, quite possibly gay, and I was still interested in the bartender, he just hasn't asked me out again...?We left the bar that night, the next day he and I text a bit, nothing crazy and then he sorta disappeared. So, a couple days later I called and left a funny message about showing up at the bar with a guy (made a joke of it), then apologized if it looked weird and said I was still interested in hanging out with him again, we can just never get our schedules in sync. But, if he'd be interested to give me a call and we could do something.Well...that was on Tuesday night and it's only Thursday, but I still haven't heard anything back. ?I know he's been really busy at work, but I haven't even gotten a text?I'm confused - what happened?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): Here's an update: So...I went to the bar this weekend on Friday night (he only works on Saturdays) but, as luck would have it, he was filling in. I was meeting friends there, and I got there first. So, I pulled up a seat to the bar - at the only open spot - which was on the opposite end from him. The other bartender took my order, but then the guy I have a crush on, grabbed the drink from him and brought it to me. We chit chatted for a minute or two, but didn't talk about anything important. Clearly one of us needs to step to the plate and say "whats going on..." or something, but neither of us do...Once my friends showed he was more scarce. Came over a couple times to talk, but that was it. Then, ironically, the other kid that normally bartends on Saturday night showed up too and joined us. Once that happened the one I have a crush on stayed at the opposite end of the bar. It was a bit odd. Everyone seemed to notice and all the guys started calling me "heartbreaker". I have no idea what I did - and said that to them.When we all left, he basically fled, didn't say goodnight to me, nothing. It was weird. And, he seemed pissed.?Saturday, my friends and I were back there - this time I was playing wingwoman for my girlfriend, so we were meeting him and his wingman...obviously that didn't look good. I made a point of it to tell the other bartender ASAP the situation. I figured word would get back. Given our situation, we didn't get much of a chance to interact with the bartenders. So, when I went to the bar for drinks, I tried to order from him, but the other one would always take my order. I did ask him if the guy was really mad at me, given everything all the guys were saying the night before. But, he laughed and said he was just busting my chops the night before, he had no idea. So, I then told him to stop ruining my game and let me order from him. But, it didn't matter, the bar was really crowded, so we couldn't really talk or anything anyway. At the end of the night, the other bartender brought us our bill, so I got out cash, asked for a pen and on the back wrote, "When you're not so busy, you should definitely give me a call :)". It was slightly juvenile, but so far, we've been acting like two 12 year olds, so I figured it was as good as anything else......we'll see. I'm just royally confused...
A
female
reader, dietcoke.1  +, writes (25 February 2011):
It just sounds like he is very confused about where you are at eg.. the guy friend and the text about not being the girl who leaves the bar with him
Why dont you take the iniative and ask him out! then you will know if he wants to go out with you or not :)
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): You may never know what happened axactly, what is important
here is that if he really wanted to ask you out again he would have by now. I suggest you cut your loses early, and move on.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 I'd give it more time, or you could just put your ego aside and call him again.
You both really need to kick start this engine ASAP. Schedule a date ahead of time and if it falls through again... well that may just be the final nail in the coffin.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): It is pretty confusing when things like this happens. It seems there's a little bit of miscommunication, but moreso (like you said) just not in sync. He may have taken that you were trying to play him/make him jealous by bringing in your gay friend.
Just wait a little while. When it gets to this, it needs to be done delicately and definitely face-to-face. Don't contact until you see him at the bar.
But, yes, I hate it when this type of thing happens.
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