A
female
age
30-35,
*adyRi
writes:Hello dear agony aunts, I'm really confused about what to do.... I and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 years now. He's 15 years older than me, I'm 21. We are in a LDR, we've had lots of ups and downs in the past but we love each other so much and want to get married. Actually my main aim is to find out is I'm really at fault and if I am, what do I do to help the situation. My boyfriend has the problem of never keeping in touch properly with me, he says work is stressing him out.... I've been quite patient with the whole situation but the problem is whenever he doesn't answer my calls, or replies my messages. I flare up... My flaring up is by sending him messages like,1. "??Have u ever for once put urself in my shoes? U might have been too busy to notice but, go find time and think... Becos u never ever thought you've been treating me badly.."2. "??The worse that can happen is you break up with me! I'm really tired! And I would still express my anger! U can't keep treating me like this...."3. "No matter wat u shouldn't be ignoring me if I mean so much to u, isn't baby?"4. "I vividly remember, when I was sick and admitted... U never called to say hi... But the other day u made me feel guilty cos u were having cold, just cos I said u can go on with your life if there's another girl u love better, this is no fair. "5. "U had never felt free to bring me to ur bosom to explain anything ur issues or even mine! U are a good person from heart that I know, but u were not born to love!"6. "??I complained to u the other day that I have issues, big issues... You just listened to me for and said ok.... U never bothered to think this gal needs me, lemme say something soothing to her"Now he's mad at me, he tells me I insult him a lot and I have to stop sending this kinda messages. He's really mad at me and yelled so hard at me. I'm wondering if this is nagging and not good for the relationship. Please help me out dear agony aunts! Thanks for reading... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): LDR's are hard enough and both people have to be commited to making it work. What is stopping you from living closer? surely something needs to change in that area for things to progress. In a relationship you need attention, security. You need to share day to day things. a relationship via messages is too hard. I dont blame you for your message content, especially if he is hopeless at communicating. Give him an ultimatum, you cannot waste these early years waiting on someone else. If he doesn't budge let him go, hes not worth it. Ok, its gonna hurt cause you obviously love him or you wouldnt get so upset in your messages. Sounds to me like he wants you when he wants you. I bet when you meet up its all perfect and thats what drives you to continue. Dont live your life based on moments spent together you need more than that, either be together completely or end it. Either way you will be happier. Be strong
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 You're needy and immature, and definitely not cut out for an LDR. Not at all. He's mature and can't take that crap anymore. He's also a very poor communicator.
This is a match doomed to failure. Find someone near you who you can actually BE WITH! LDR's are hard enough as is. When communication breaks down, you've got nothing left.
The truth is, you're at very different places in your lives. Try to find someone more on the same level as yourself.
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