A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy got a few months now. At first I thought it would have potential eventually but now after getting to know him I feel like it's not going to reach bf/gf status. He's just not the kind of guy I would have a relationship with. Hes 36 but he seems a lot less mature. Talking about threesomes which I have no interest in. He talks about porn which although I don't disagree with porn I don't feel the need to share my taste with anyone nor hear about theirs. So I said to him the other day after he was talking about how he's not ready for anything serious "oh my god don't worry I'm not looking to ride off into the sunset together!" and he said rejection is a blessing. So I said look it is what it is you're attractive and the sex is good. Which he said do you're just using me ? I answered do you want me to? It was all quite tongue in cheek for me but he sends mixed messages I think. Like he really wants me to want him despite the fact he says he is not looking for anything serious. What do you make of this? Any advice would be great. I'm not sure how long it should go on for if it's all just meaningless. We feel more like friends.
View related questions:
mixed messages, porn, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 October 2018):
 It seems quite simple to me. It is all about his ego. He may not actually want to be in a serious relationship with you but he wants you to dote on him and pine for him.
Don't fall for it. This "relationship" is one sided. He wants to do all the taking while you do all the giving. You are worth better. Find yourself someone you is happy to give as well as take. Don't settle for this nonsense.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2018): You're going to get more and more attached to him the longer you have sex with him. And then it will be too late sweetie. I am glad you are thinking logically about this. I didn't. I fell in love and my life will never be the same when I lose him. I know I have to make that decision too. Just wish it was when I wasn't this deeply invested. Better to leave now.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 October 2018):
 It happens at times that Honeypie and I say the same thing with different words, so this time, I'll make it even better: I'll say the same thing - with the very same words :
Does it matter what HE wants ?
Why don't you focus on what YOU want, instead. If you want a serious relationship, or at least something that has potential to develop into one, then clearly he is not the one, and you are wasting your time. ( But if you do want a serious relationship, then you should not play uber-cool and tell things like " oh I am not looking to ride off etc. " because, after all, that would be exactly what you want ).
If all you want is a bit of fun , and you stick with him because he offers a good sexual performance,- I suppose you can keep going as long as YOU see fit. Meaningless ? The meaning of casual sex is to provide physical pleasure, and occasional recreation and entertainment ; and he is keeping his end of the bargain, it seems. If it does not sound to you such a great bargain after all, I guess it's because you want and are ready for something more in your life and relationships.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2018): Oh boy, the things we get into… I think you already know the answer and you just need someone to give you a kick in the behind to get going. We have to assume that you’re a normal kind of gal who eventually wants to find a guy to settle down with and yada, yada, yada. So he’s a nice enough guy that you’ll sleep with him. But now that you’ve got to know him (which you could have done before starting to sleep with him) you have decided that he will never be the one for you – he’s not even real boyfriend material. That is your decision; it does not matter if he wishes it were otherwise. So that means you need to get back playing the field again, maybe not immediately, but sometime. And you have to think about how much you want him in your life in the interim and when you’ve got someone else on the hook. Can he be a friend, will you go out with him, will you visit with him, and will you sleep with him? And so on, you will have to decide.Make firm decisions about these things and then you will have to be the mature person. Pick an appropriate time and place and have a talk with him. Make sure he understands that you are not joking. Tell him in so many words that he will never be “the one” for you and tell him what you have decided the ground rules are going to be starting right now. Tell him he can plead or beg you until he is blue in the face, but you will not change your mind. It probably won’t be easy. Deep down you know you’ve gotta do this. You have to do it for yourself. Be nice, be as gentle as you can with him. And good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 October 2018):
 Does it matter what HE wants?
If he doesn't want a serious relationship and THAT is what you are looking for, then STOP wasting your time on him, regardless of good sex and him being attractive.
He can (and of you let him WILL) continue this "thing" you got going until he find someone he DOES want to have a serious relationship with, and it won't BE you. Why do I say that? Because IF he wanted that with you he would GO FOR that with you.
He might not be "mature" enough for a serious relationship if is he so into talking about porn and wanting 3-somes. To me that sounds like someone who is more focused on the various sexual "notches" and experiences so he later doesn't feel like he missed out. Which is such an immature approach to sex and relationships. IMHO.
...............................
|
