A
male
age
30-35,
*ason361
writes:Dear Aunties...My girlfriend of a solid (And might I say AMAZING) 3 months and myself are talking about sex every day she comes over. Now, being a 17 year old male, my body wants me to have sex, a lot of sex... But I (as a person) dont.The reason I feel this way is because the last person I had sex with destroyed me. I loved her with everything I had, I showed her who I really was and she tore my heart apart. Now I constantly hide who I really am to people around me. My own mother even said she doesnt know who I am anymore.Not only that, but when I can actually get past this massive amount of fear built up in my head, she leads me on and says yes, but as I am about to turn her on, she pulls my hand and starts to get upset. I feel like she has the same problem, but just wont talk to me. It makes me angry that I can get past my fears (some of the times) but she cant get past hers. Is there anything I can do to completely get past my fears and help her feel better about this? Could there be a chance that I wont get angry over something stupid as moving my hand after leading me on as well?Thank you... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Sounds like you both arnt ready emotionaly, but physicaly want to. Which isnt a problem.
3 months isnt that long a time to be with someone and is still clasified as the honeymoon period, where you guys are totaly into each other. Wait a few more months, get to really know each other, fears, future, dreams, the past...
When you guys open up to each other and tell each other secrets it shows trust.
Once you have the trust you can think about actually having sex. There is no pressure to do it.
Tell her that you want to focus on making her happy atm, and that doesnt include sex. Make her feel special. Fall in Love with her. Then it wont be such a dawnting process for both of you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): I agree with Pepper27. The best thing to do for now is get her to open up. Don't ask her straight out. Just say, "I care about you and I feel as if there are some things you don't want to share with me. I understand if you're afraid but whenever you're ready, I'm here." Hon, fear is part of territory when it comes to falling in love. It's always going to be there in some form. You're afraid to trust again and thats normal when you've been hurt so. Be patient with yourself and with your girlfriend, when you start feeling frustrated, take a breath and hug her to you. It will calm you down and show her that you care. Consider too that talking daily about sex may have scared her though she goes along with it, she could think that's all you want. Show her otherwise. We learn from pain and your past has made you cautious, thats not all bad. Take your time with love. Get to know someone before you give them something as precious as your heart. So don't focus a lot on sex if you want this to last.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Hi Hunny
First before you start having sex hunny I think you need to find out if she is ready, This could be the problem or as you say something may have happened that she hasnt spoke with you about, Something very hurtfull...
You have shown that you can get past your fear.. That fear will stay with you as long as you live in the past, Yes it hurts, It hurts like hell but as you grow you will understand that all this hurt is teaching you about life.. Learning experiences and one day you hopefully will be able to look back and except these experiences knowing they have made you a good kind strong person from within....
First hunny talk with you g/f try and speak openly and then hopefully you will both feel comfortable enough with each other to be intimate. Dont feel anger towards youself that will only double as you will get angry at feeling angry so it a negative circle and you need to break that circle, You have to start thinking more possitive sweetheart and realise you have alot of great points so work on them. I hope this has helped a little TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXX
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