A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a while now. We met at college and he has been lovely to me all this time, but I have been finding it hard to trust him as he is best friends with a guy that had lied and used me in the past. I met up with him a few days ago and he left himself signed into facebook on my computer. after he had left I couldn't help myself but to look at his emails.... as I wanted to know if he was planning to use me like his best friend had before.... but what I found was nothing like I expected.There was an email to a friend asking for help and saying "well, there's this girl, that a few of my mates have messed around, then I met up with her, and we had like a really deep moment, cos like so many guys have fucked her over, and then, I do like her... but not as much as she likes me. and if we went out it could be awkward because of my mates....plus I like some other girl too, but she has a boyfriend, but she constantly facebooks me and texts me, and im pretty sure she'd rather go out with me... :/"this had really confused me... even though he is saying that he does like me and that this has proved to me that he isn't in this to use me im not sure whether he is right and if this will never work between us?? and will I ever be able to do it knowing that he likes someone more :/what do I do?????? Do I give him a chance???Help me :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): "I like her but not as much as she likes me" = means he is using you, he's using you as his plan b because he likes this other girl more. He's just not that into you. He likes this girl that has a boyfriend and if given the chance he would go with her. To him you're second best, his backup plan.
The only reason he seems to still be with is because he can't have her and also he doesn't want to hurt you like the other guys have. But he is looking for a way out, he is asking for opinions of what he should do because he's unsure. If he's unsure, then his heart isn't in it.
He might like you but not enough that he isn't looking for advice on how to leave you, which that pretty much is.
Frankly you can try and keep this going but he's already trying to leave you, he just doesn't want you think he's using you. This means he's not really in this for the long haul he just hasn't found a way of dumping you without breaking your heart and plus he doesn't have this other girl so he wants to keep you to fool around with until someone better comes along.
You deserve better than that from a guy, don't settle for being second best. You know his heart isn't with you, you can't let him have yours because he's just going to break it.
A
female
reader, leaf_ lady +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Read what you wrote again, and read what he wrote again. You know what you need to do, If you give him a chance he will hurt you. His intention is obviously to use you as he already has another girl in his sights.
You deserve someone who will like you enough to not have to ask his friends for advice. Your still young and there are plenty of other people around who will be straight up and honest with you rather than keeping you around as a backup. He obviously thinks about his friends messing about with you and it seems like he may have a lesser opinion of you because of this.
If he truly liked you he would know so without having to ask other people.
IMO you are wasting your time and risking pain and anguish by trying to get something good out of him.
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