A
female
age
36-40,
*ariposies
writes:i dunno what to do. well first off i have herpes. but no one knows not even my friends. so when i meet guys i sabotage things really quickly, before it can get to point where id have to tell him and hed be gone. so wherever i meet a guy, example we dance xchange #s go on a date kiss and then i start distancing myself. so ppl call me cold rigid mean hard to get to know etc. and i wont just tell someone i have herps. i dont wanna be judged and they might tell others. so ppl think i mean and judgemental and unfeeling, but they have no way to no is cause of herpes. i reject them before they can reject me. what do i do, any help or solutions?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 June 2010):
 There is an online dating website for people with herpies. When my brother's last GF gave him this STD, he was bound and determined to not spread it further. He met his current GF through this website and it is working out great. He has told me this is the best GF he thinks he has ever had. It was a bit awkward, because of their common ground initially was an STD, but once they got past that, they've been very happy. I would strongly suggest doing something similar. That way you can be happy and know you don't have to be alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): What kind of herpes? I assume you mean genital herpes, because oral herpes isn't a big deal, lots of people have that.
Don't be afraid of dating, just take things slower sexually. Most guys won't mind taking it slowly and frankly you don't have to bring up the fact you have herpes until you get to that physical stage of the relationship. Some guys might shy away but the good guys, the guys that really do want to be with you won't mind as long as you take the right precautions.
Who knows maybe one of these guys will also have it and it won't be an issue.
Just always do your best to protect the guy from getting it.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I'm positive I heard something about a dating website made just for people with herpes.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Here's the thing. Let's say you didn't have herpes. Let's say that you have flat feet. You wouldn't be able to go shopping at regular shoe stores. You'd have to shop at a medical supply store where maybe the choice in shoes is a bit less, but you'd get shoes that are designed for your feet. There would be no stigma or "scarlet letter" feeling just because you have flat feet.
The analogy is this - now that you have herpes, you have to be a little more discrimitory in your dating habits. There doesn't have to be a stigma because you have herpes. You're just a little more limited in your dating choices.
I have a suggestion - rather than set yourself up to reject and be rejected, you could seek out a website or a local social singles scene with other people just like you who also have herpes. Talk about the absolute freedom to be yourself and not have to worry about the Moment where you tell them you have herpes.
There are so many other people out there who have herpes, it's not even funny. And they're all looking for companionship, the same as you.
Hope this helps!
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