A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I just listened to a voice message left by my boyfriend. I have been bothered by the fact that he doesn't ever talk about having any kind of future with me (this has bothered me for a while). I guess I know why now. He's apparently not planning one!I just don't understand. He said a lot of nice things on the message, like how great he thinks I am, and that he loves me very much, then he said "...I know I'm not good enough for you, and I know that someday you'll find someone really great, and that will be okay...but I'm happy that you are part of my life right now." Then he said more nice things about me and that he loves me---then he repeated AGAIN that he knew this wouldn't last, but that he's happy that I'm wanting to spend time with him for now.Well, I'm thinking WTF! Here, I've been feeling insecure because after dating him for almost 6 months now, he has never mentioned ever getting married or even living together. I don't expect something like that to happen right away, but I would like to think that he is thinking of us being together in the future.I guess he isn't. That makes me think that HE is thinking that he will eventually meet someone else that he wants to be with the rest of his life.What do you make of this? I really feel upset now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Ok I'm almost in the same situation as you are, except that I would be expressing ur BF's viewpoint. In my relationship, im feeling the same thing, like if i really wanna spend the rest of my life with my curent bf. Thats why recently whenever he talks about the future I dont wanna talk about it, and stimes I feel like tellin him this relationship wont last, or i dont love him as much now. But I stop, cuz im afraid it will hurt him.
So what Im trying to say is, dont fall too deep in it girl. if hes already saying that now, it probly means u guys wont have a lasting future together. I think u should come to a conclusion with him before its too late.
A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Well I think he is being up front with you in a round about way - but up front nonetheless. I'd rather have that than a man who lies to me. Six months is not a long time. Could it be you are behaving in a needy fashion which is why you got that voice message? Back off a little. Let things ride...wait to see what happens. Oh and as for moving in together after only six months - I would not recommended that either. Relax.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I only partially agree with YouWish.
I agree that 6 months is too early to know or decide that you surely want to spend the rest of your life with a person.
It's not too early, though, to know or decide that you exclude spending the rest of your life with that person.
We all have standards,both conscious and subconscious, and the screening process,the ticking off boxes, starts very soon in a relationship, particularly at your age.
So I think that your bf's message means exactly what it says : that he likes you,he appreciates you,he loves spending time with you, but for some unfathomable reason of his , he does not see you as wife material.
That does not mean that things cannot change . Nothing is ever etched in granite and perhaps if you stick around he may come to see you under a different light and to think of you as irreplaceable. But there is no guarantee- the risk is all yours and it's up to you to decide if you want to take this "challenge " or not.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Almost six months is way too soon to be talking about marriage or living together. Have you been putting pressure on him or dropping hints or talking about marrying him?
It's especially obvious if he's your age (41-50) and has either
1. Just gone through a messy divorce or breakup
or
2. he has spent a long time being single.
It's possible that his call may well indeed be his insecurity, and it might be what you think it is. This means that you need to have a non-threatening talk in person. Don't start out by jumping right to the conclusion that he's trying to get rid of you. Make it a brainstorming talk like "hey, I want to talk more about what you said on the phone message. Can you tell me a little more about how you feel?" and really listen to him.
You can turn it around if you keep your head and not verbally bludgeon him for what he said, or start crying hysterically. Stay focused, constructive, and talk it through rationally.
And keep in mind that six months is too soon to be freaked about marriage and living together. It takes some guys six months to even say "I love you". Just relax and enjoy him and the relationship without pushing or being anxious. If it were six years, I'd be saying something different.
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