A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years. i live in my flat and she lives with her parents.For the first year and half most of her friends knew about us (but not her parents)and things were great as I felt really close to my girlfreind and involved in her life.Then we split because I was accused of theft at work. She worked for the same company and was investigated too which caused her lots of stress. Of corse it was a false allegation and nothing was ever found against me.When we split she told everyone we had split. The thing is we kept seeing each other but she made the decision to cut off all emotional ties with me. We didnt kiss, hold hands, hug etc. We had sex but it was emotionless sex.After 3 months we decided we would give it another go. But her conditions were that no one knew we were back together. And thats the way its been ever since. I thought after a few months she would tell people, but she refuses.Since getting back, she has not opened up emotionally to me, she still wont kiss as we did, its just a peck rather than passionately. She still wont hold hands. When she hugs now its as if you were saying goodbye to a friend rather than giving your partner a loving hug.Over the past year, this has got to me and made me unhappy in the relationship. I now get really frustrated about our situation. I then direct my frustration at my girlfriend. Not physical, just start nit picking at everything she does and compare the way she treats her friends to me. Because I act this way, she is unhappy in our relationship and wont get in any deeper with me.Ive explained why I get frustrated and said if she told people about us then I wouldnt be unhappy, and in turn she wouldnt be unhappy. Then we could move our relationship on.But she still wont. She wants us to fix the relationship before she tells anyone. But it cant be fixed until she tells people because that is the reason its got to this stage!She wont consider us getting a place together. And when I bought an engagement ring she knew what it was and wouldnt even look at it. Thats now thrown in my cupboard!Sometimes I feel as if she knows she doesnt want a future with me but wont let go, so keeps me hanging on. Then other times everything feels just right and looks like it going to work out.Any advice is welcome!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): I have been in the same situation and understand totally where you are coming from. Its not a case of letting the whole world know, its a case of your partner showing you they care enough about you and want you involved in there entire life and not be hidden away. What kind of person keeps the one they love hidden away for so long? Best thing you can do is end it and go find someone who really loves you, who will show they love you and doesnt mind who knows about it! You deserve better and deserve to live your life instead of hiding out of sight!!!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 I do not understand why you have to placed so much importance about letting the whole world knows that you are with her.She has her reasons. Probably to safeguard her reputation.
Your insistence that she tells the whole wide world is against her principles. This is your issue and you need to deal with it.
Either you do as she wants or it will be like a wedge driving you apart.
Being in love means wanting her to be happy. If you cannot make sacrifices or make her happy ,there is no point in falling in love with her.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 March 2010):
Get rid of her. She was the one who didn't believe you, yet she says it needs to be fixed. Just get rid of her as quickly as you can. You can find a better woman.
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A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 the only reason you broke up was because you were falsely accused of theft at work? i don't think so.. it seems like there is some other reason you aren't telling.
it sounds like you hurt her ALOT. now she can't trust to open up to you or tell her friends you are dating again because she is ashamed, she must be. she probably feels stupid because you hurt her in some way and doesn't want people to think "what the hell is she doing back with him after he did that"
i broke up with my boyfriend once because he had so many issues he needed to fix, he hurt me so badly and that ended us, he treated me like crap for a year and i had enough. finally he saw what he did and promised to be better and begged me to go back, i didn't tell people in the beginning, i told him before we can be together again you have to prove you can be better.
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