A
male
age
51-59,
*riantqa
writes:Ive been in a relationship with the same woman for over 14 years and we are both in our thirties. We have two children 2(boy) and 7(girl) my lady says that i annoy her too much when i try to cuddle (she says i'm too heavy or i'm squishing her. I'm an averege size man 5'9" 180 lbs she doesnt want to have sex with me hardly any more and always says she is too tired. I work all day long as a carpet layer and i know what tired is. I support our whole family. is she trying to tell me something? i try to be romantic and usually have a candle lit for her to see her way to bed at night but i just cant seem to get her in a loving mood and i just dont know why. i think she is bored with me or i dont make enough money. she is a classy lady and likes the better things in life i do my best for her and the kids but i'm at a standstill and maybe need a little help. what do you suggest that may help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): The number one thing that women need is APPRECIATION. How do you show her that you appreciate her?
By not expecting the same old things every day when you come home from work tired. Ask her how her day went and really try to listen without commenting or giving her advice. Try to let her know you understand how she feels about things when she says she is tired, empathize with her how tough it is to run after a two year old and deal with a 7 year old and her little dramas. I know I know you are the man and you work damn hard, but so does she.
Maybe take it upon yourself on your day off to offer to take the kids off her hands for the entire day so that she can go get a pedicure or get her nails done or have lunch with the girls, anything to take the burden off of her for child rearing. Women love their husbands and kids, but sometimes it is tough to spend all day without an adult conversation day after day (it sounds as if she is a stay at home mom, right?)
Tell her how nice she looks, notice when she does something different with her hair. Tell her how you loved the meal she cooked and then get up and clear the table and load the dishwasher, make it the 7 year old's job to help you do that every night after dinner.
Cook for her, surprise her with a favorite meal or your best dish! Pamper and take care of her in that way, not the bedroom seduction scene but the things that are part of every day drudgery for her! I am telling you, it will touch her heart.
So appreciation man, is the key...and you'll get there. Good luck.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 January 2010):
I don't think she's cheating or that she doesn't love you anymore: but probably bored. I know it sounds like you're doing a lot and you are definitely going out of your way, but it's not upping her excitement factor. I think you definitely need to talk to her and listen to what she has to say.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (3 January 2010):
 Communication is the key to any relationship. Try talking to her and tell her how you are feeling. Maybe together you can come up with some new tricks!
Good luck!
~BG~
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (3 January 2010):
Not that I believe this is the true problem...but there are ways to cuddle without squishing her. Even during sex, try not to put all your weight on her chest/lungs...it is difficult to breath. Lean a little bit to the side.
If your life is getting humdrum, try to add some excitement!
Twenty years is a long time and the relationship may need a makeover.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): have you two talked about it? What does she say?
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A
female
reader, MARKSBABYGIRL4E +, writes (3 January 2010):
i really do think that your wife is high maintenece and very unappreciative of a good man. maybe you should try reverse psycology and start ignoring her a little. be a good father to your children, but leave her alone. so she can see a good thing right in her face. if after 2 weeks you get no response or she is not the one making an effort. i would move on with your life with your children and make her face reality and get a job and let her be alone. your hard working, faithful, non abusive, attractive and have a great head on your shoulders. good men like you are hard to find. keep up the great job, but still give what i said a thought. k.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Try asking her to marry you. You have had everything before the commitment of marriage, no wonder she is losing faith in you.And by the way unless you are a muscle bound hulk 180 lbs at only 5'9", you could stand to lose a few...but I am sure that isn't the "problem".
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A
male
reader, briantqa +, writes (3 January 2010):
briantqa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well do you think she is to high maintenance for me? ive been romantic alot with her,or i try to be. All i want is for her to show interest in me.she is Beautiful and i care for her deeply but i feel she doesnt care about how i feel.i'm highly sexual and this type of thing never happens between us.far and few between I just want help.Women want to be cuddled and romanced and i am the one who does it alot.she shows no interest in it ,i mean she never starts i always try and am turned away99% of the time. I feel like i am an attractive man and have been told that often,i stay loyal to her but i wonder what i am doing wrong,maybe she is'nt the one one for me,but i dont want to ruin our family.what should i do?
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A
female
reader, LaPointe  +, writes (3 January 2010):
She may be having problems with sexual aversion.
"In an effort to satisfy the spouse with the greater need for sex, the spouse with the lesser need often sacrifices his or her own emotional reactions. Instead of sex being an experience that they both enjoy together, sex becomes enjoyable only for the one with the greatest need. And it can become a nightmare for the other spouse. In all too many marriages, sacrifice leads to a sexual aversion, which, in turn, leads to no sex at all."
Rest of article: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5047_qa.html
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A
male
reader, Tech20 +, writes (3 January 2010):
 I feel your pain.....
Perhaps she is cheating on you,.. Maybe she doesn't feel womanly enough after dealing with the children. Wish I could be more help...
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A
male
reader, doom  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 did you try talking to her? you are the men of the house.I understand that to talk on this theme sin't very well, but you know having a 2 year old baby isn't fun also.He needs care all the time. I think she is a bit negative person, so try to understand her, but the best way is to talk to her before it goes bad.and if you'll do nothing to change something it will go bad.
Home i've helped
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A
female
reader, Rebecca589 +, writes (3 January 2010):
 As a wife and a mother who is feeling like what you described your wife I feel I can help you. Sometimes in a relationship the romance dies. She is probably feeling tired unappreciated and stuck in a rut. Try taking her somewhere special encourage her to talk about how she feels and listen with your heart not your ego. Men seem to only hear what they wanna hear out of a conversation let her get her feelings off her chest and don't blow up at her.she will more than likely tell you what you need to do if she feels you are listening and really wanna do what it takes to help your marriage.
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