A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27 weeks pregnant with my partner. There is a 20 year age gap between us. He told me he is not sexually attracted to me any more and then tried to tell me that he didn't say that a few days later and that he meant it its because of the baby he doesnt want to have sex. He doesn't touch me at all any more and we very rarely have sex. It was difficult not long ago with our relationship as we live very close to a lot of his ex girlfriends and people he has slept with. I went through a very insecure phase and was convinced he was cheating on me with a certain girl, after a while i got my self confidence back an got over this (although every now and then it still crosses my mind.)In the early hours of this morning I caught him watching porn on the tv and it really hurt me. I confronted him about it and asked him why he cant touch me but he can watch these women on tv and he just said he isn't doing anything wrong. I got really upset about it because I feel as though he is cheating on me when he is looking at another women and pleasuring himself when he cant bear to touch me. I feel so unwanted. He could see I was upset and made no effort to see if I was ok or try and talk to me, he just came into the bedroom and went to sleep as if nothing happened. I feel so unattractive and dont know what to do.
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female
reader, kimmyc1985  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Hi i read your message and im going threw the same thing right now im pregnant 32 weeks and he gets off on porn and dont really ever want to touch me and he says its because of the baby it hurts me so much some times. Good luck
A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (7 January 2010):
 Asking a man not to watch porn is reasonable when he's in a relationship. But only a real man will stop, men that are selfish and childish or who don't really love you wont. Every now and then they may slip up but they still try not to for sake of not wanting to hurt you. I'm 37 weeks pregnant, and it is true that my boyfriend doesn't find me as attractive now as before I got pregnant, but he never makes me feel bad about it either. I think I complain more about my belly than he does, and he always tells me that I'm having his baby and that he's very happy to have a baby. He's always wanted a family. That he loves me and that he's grateful that I would have his baby. He says stretchmarks will fade, that they are just part of pregnancy, and if I'm still self concious about them after we are done having kids then there are other options that can help reduce them. He doesn't deny me sex, and he still acts as loving and affectionate as he did before I got pregnant. Early on when I told him that watching porn bothered me because I was getting bigger and it felt like he didn't want me because he was disgusted by me he stopped right away. He said it was just hard because I didn't want sex as much,( which was true, the first three months I was soooo tired) but that he loved me and that he would stop and he did. So its not impossible for him to not watch porn. And he should be able ot have sex with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): To flynee 24 if a guy feels this way theN he should never marry or ask a woman to have his child. Why should a woman make herself deliberately unattractive to him. He obviously glorifie the pre baby body ideal and has no eyes or respect fr the true beauty of a woman . Her whole being. How the he'll is he going to deal win the stretch marks and sgs that remain after pregnancy for most women if he can't even cope withe her pregnancy? Bringing a child into this world is the biggest deal in the world , and believe me no woman will forgive or forget a man who rejects her during this time and uses it as an excuse for porn. He has no right to this woMans body after she delivers if he treats her this way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Most men aren;t attracted to a pregnant female body. Just watch KNOCKED UP and the scene where Seth Rogen refused to have sex with his pregnant girlfriend.
His reasoning is truthful.
Perhaps your partner simply doesn't find your pregnant form particularly attractive, or he might be afraid it will cause damage to the baby.
Either way, your sex life will probably return to normal once the baby is born and you two find some free time.
He is right. He has been discreet with his porn. This is not wrong. In fact it is normal behaviour. Asking a man to not watch porn is like asking him to slice his penis off with a rusty machete.
Now not being sensitive to your needs IS a problem. One which you two DO need to sit and talk about.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (3 January 2010):
All the emotions you are feeling are completly correct. When he said he wasn't doing anything wrong, did you try explaining that he IS doing something wrong, because it's hurting you? It sounds to me like he is being very selfish and you shouldn't have to deal with that kind of behavior, especially in your current state. He needs to be more sensitive to you, your are having his baby after all. Have you considered that he may not think that he's doing anything wrong? Even though he's an older man, sometimes older men are single for a reason. Maybe because he's been allowed, or allowed himself to look at porn and/or cheat that he no longer views it as wrong, but as how relationships are. If he's lacking in sensitivity towards you, then it could be a sign that other women have cheated on him during his younger years and that may have created some emotional "abuse" or has damaged him emotionally. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT making excuses for him, I'm just trying to give you possible reasons as to why he is acting this way. Try talking to him about it again, explain to him that he needs to stop because it is hurting you. Also explain to him that you love him and want him to be loving toward you as well, but by not doing so you are feeling unattractive, unloved, and unwanted. And honey, I hate to say this but he may not change. Hopefully he will though. I hope your relationship with your honey improves and best wishes to a safe pregnancy and a happy healthy baby. Good luck sweetie, and remember its not you. You are beautiful and attractive, so try not to get so down on yourself. You are making a baby!^_^
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