| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Would you call this financial abuse?I go to work and support my husband who has little respect for me anyway. He also pressures me to sometimes support his parents as he so desperately wants to please them, even though they are just using him and don’t bother with him if he doesn’t give them money etc which I’ve tried to explain to him many times and I think he sees this himself but still doesn’t stop. But he doesn’t like it if I helped my own family. His dad is an alcoholic with no job and just sponges off other people.If my husband does get any money himself he will hand it over to them and not think to help me in anyway and everything that I’ve had to pay out for us both. I feel like I’m being very abused as his parents have everything and we have nothing. I’m ready to start divorce proceedings as I’ve realised that over these last 8 years I won’t have anything if I stay married to this man. Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 August 2019):
 Continue with the divorce proceedings, but keep quiet about it. Don't give him or any of that bunch a chance to sabotage you. Change important passwords & security questions, secure your finances and anything else of value.
Consult an attorney nd get your ducks in a row. Then when you're ready, serve him with the papers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2019): It continues only as long as you allow it to. When you've had enough; you'll put an end to it, once and for-all! I guess you just haven't reached that point just yet.
If you're married to a no-good lazy male; he is not a husband, he's a dependent. If you choose to support him, and not insist he finds a job; then he has your permission to remain unemployed. If you offer him the ultimatum to get a job, or you'll get a divorce; he might get a job. If he's no-good, he'll never be a husband. Just the male you're married to. He's not a man either; he's a trifling boy!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 August 2019):
 Your statement :
He doesn’t pull his weight because he can’t hold a job down that’s the only reason. He would rather live of someone else or obtain money in devious ways then going to work.
Should be your incentive to divorce ASAP.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2019): OP, this is self abuse, and foolishness on your part, that you have remained in this marriage, this long! The way that you describe the man, who you married definately qualifies him to be called a waste of DNA and a waste of valuable space! File the papers and defund him!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2019): I am the poster.
He doesn’t pull his weight because he can’t hold a job down that’s the only reason. He would rather live of someone else or obtain money in devious ways then going to work.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 August 2019):
 Any advice? Yes, DO IT! You already know it is what you want to do. What is holding you back? You've been supporting him and his parents for the last 8 years. It that what you promised or expected when you married him?
He obviously has a dysfunctional relationship with his parents but refuses to acknowledge this. You cannot FORCE him to stop giving them money in an effort to please them. All you can do is walk away and stop making it YOUR problem, because it shouldn't be. If your husband hasn't listened to you in 8 years, he is not going to listen now.
Good advice from Aunty BimBim about moving out of the marital home. Make sure you keep yourself safe as he could turn nasty when he realizes his cash-cow is no longer willing to deliver the goods.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, SadMan76  +, writes (14 August 2019):
There is something missing here for me.
How come he is not pulling his weight?
Why are you supporting both of you (and his parents)?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 August 2019):
Abuse?
I don't know. People misuse that words these days to claim one or another "victim-hood". Being "pressured" to giving him money I wouldn't call abuse. But each to their own.
Does it MATTER? You are DOING the right thing in divorcing him, so whatever HE wants is no longer important. Don't GIVE him a dime. You don't owe him YOUR income if all he do with it is handing it over to his parents.
Make sure you separate your finances as best as you can, such as open a new bank account with ONLY your name on it, if you live in a shared place and you intend on selling it or simply moving out, make sure bills are NO longer in YOUR name.
Make sure ALL important papers (passport, birth-certificate, social security papers, school degrees etc. are put somewhere safe. Either with a family member you can trust (so not HIS family) or a bank box) Same for any family heirlooms/pictures that MEANS something to you.
Don't WAIT any further to start the divorce proceedings, things WILL NOT change. If your husband hasn't figured out that this isn't healthy after 8 years, HE ISN'T all of a sudden going to stop.
YOU are not getting any younger either. Any saving you could have had for retirement etc. are a lost cause you will have to start over when divorced. Think about it. Do you REALLY want to continue this marriage and financial nightmare?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 August 2019):
 It certainly sounds as if this situation is not going to improve. I think you should consider divorce, and just in case there is a chance he will be angry start planning now by hiding any small amounts of money you can, take important papers etc to store at a friends house, anything of sentimental or financial value slowly remove from house and store safely.
If you are renting and on the lease find out what you need to do to have your name removed. Your husband is treating you as an ATM and its time he started to support himself and his parents. I wish you good luck.
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