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We like each other, but she still lives with her ex and I'm worried

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 August 2019) 3 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2019)
A male Germany age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So, I've been talking with this girl from Denmark. We met up last month and talking about seeing eachother again. She knows I really like her and she tells me she likes me too. The problem is that 3 months ago she ended a 2 year long relationship and is still living with her ex until she finds a new apartment. She used to sleep on the couch but is now sleeping in the bed with him again because the couch is bad.

I just can't stop feeling worried and I know it's stupid. She says she want's to take things slow and see where they lead which I understand. Im just worried that in the end things doesn't work out and im gonna get even more hurt.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2019):

Yes I agree that you should take your time here. Put her on the back burner of your emotions until she has moved out. I would also let her know that you would love to see her when she has moved out.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I had been living with a man and we were going well until I met someone else who I could not turn away from.

They both knew about each other and they were both waiting for me to make a decision about who I was going to choose. I slept in the same bed as my original boyfriend, well fiancé and I promised the other man, who I ended up with in the end that I would not have sex with either one until I knew what to do. And although we still slept in the same bed, we never did had sex.

I am saying that to counter what the male anon has intimated i.e that she will definitely be having sex because they are in the same bed together. I don't know if she will or not, but it is not a forgone conclusion.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2019):

She has been with her boyfriend for two years, and getting sex regularly for that period of time, and now she is back in his bed, with him?!?! Now what does this tell us OP? Do you suppose that they both became celibate OP? You ought to be worried OP, about yourself alone! There is no future there for you OP! You are setting yourself up, for serious emotional pain my friend! Do not dabble with any lady, who is not free and clear of any boyfriends or husbands! Listen to me Brother, and save yourself from a lot of worry and pain! Find a girl who is free to give her all, to you! Good luck my Friend!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 August 2019):

Honeypie agony auntDial it back a bit.

She JUST got out of the relationship and trust me, finding an apartment in Denmark takes time or... connections, especially if she lives in a bigger city.

You don't really know her. YET. You have mainly talked over tech and meet ONCE. So if you do not WANT to get hurt, slow down, EMOTIONALLY too.

Yes, it feels great getting to know her etc. BUT she is barely out of her last relationship, she is still living with him. SHE isn't ready for ANYTHING serious, YET.

GIVE her some time to find a place and move out. Once that happens, visiting each other again and REALLY get to know each other can be the next step. You are thinking that because you get on so well there is a relationship going on already. There isn't really. You two are TALKING and LIKING each other. Or what you know SO FAR.

Relax.

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