A
female
age
41-50,
*risstin
writes:Hi, I have been in love with my BF about 2 years +, I feel my relationship is not normal.He is a White guy and he is a Boss of one factory in asian (Switzerland), I am Asian girl (Chinese), he always told me their culture in Switzerland is different. Is that true? 1) He told me in their country, most of the people don’t want marry, is that true?2)He told me in their country more of will pay food for each other. Doesn’t matter who pay? Girl will pay for men too. Is that true?3)He told me where he lives his ex-gf is considered his family? Is that right?4)He told me they dont need to help the girl for the finance, is that true?5)Each time we go for dinner or lunch, he will ask, do you have money? Is it normal in a relationship to always ask me if ive got money before we go to having food?6)My BF always told me he only pays cheap food. If for expensive food or MacDonald, he has no money to pay. Is that normal my BF always ask me, where my money I used?My BF asks me to pay a parking ticket for him and to use my car go to travel or everywhere, but he doesn’t want to help to pay the petrol. Is that normal?He complains Chinese people are very noisy and got the worst culture. He says that he still loves me, because I am Chinese.When got holiday or weekend, I have to pay hotel and food and petrol, then he will go, otherwise he don’t want to go. When it is Chinese New Year, I asked him to celebrate together with me. He just says he don’t give the shit about Chinese New Year. Is that normal my BF told me if I and he were in an accident or had babies, I should not keep it. Is that he selfish? Is that normal my BF ask me to buy a condom for his use?All above is what's happening with us, this issue is right and true when couple having a relationship. And they girl cannot complain?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): This sad, pathetic, selfish criminal is completely taking advantage of you and using you for your money.
Some of the things he has told you about the western culture are true but he has twisted them and used them so they become a bad thing and only he gets all the benefits of them.
This is basically a form of abuse.
Please Please PLEASE don't let this man (if he can be called a man) disrespect you like this. He obviously doesn't love you. Walk away from him and don't look back0 which means dump him/leave him/end the relationship and don't stay friends and just stop contact with him. Trust me, you will fall in love again and it will be MUCH MUCH BETTER than this time and you will look back and wonder how you ever could have been in love with a dickhead like this.
DO it because you deserve someone SO MUCH better! Be strong! :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): No Thats Him Being Cheap Rude To YOUR culture And Hes Mean To You. You Need And Deserve Better. Break Up With Him
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Well I hope I have understood your questions properly because your English is not great so apologies if I have misunderstood you. But I will do my best to answer your questions!
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is using his culture as an excuse to take advantage of you. While the culture in Switzerland and Europe is very different to the Chinese culture, a lot of the things you mention sound like he is using you and getting away with it! I'll try and answer your questions one by one:
1. Untrue. Marriage is still popular in the majority of European countries. Yes the number of people getting married has declined and it is not as important any more - a lot of European's are happy to just live together rather than get married. This is probably down to the divorce rates being very high in Europe, I know that here in the UK it is nearly every 1 marriage out of 2 end in divorce. So you have a 50% chance of getting divorce, hence why marriage is becoming less popular because no-one wants to o through a divorce.
2. True. Women in Europe (and many of the developed Western countries) like to be independent, both emotionally and financially. A lot of women have well paid careers, earning nearly the same as men so they have their own money, and like to buy their own things. Some women even see men paying for them as derogatory and patronising - they like to give the impression they dont need men for anything and they dont need to be looked after, so yes they will pay for their boyfriends (but not all of the time!). In western countries "equality" is the big thing these days - women want to be equal to men in all ways so that includes paying for dates etc.
3. Cant answer that one! If you are asking in Switzerland are all ex girlfriend's considered family - the answer is no. Normally an ex girlfriend is something that stays in the past. So in your case, I am guessing your boyfriend's ex and his family were very close and got on very well so they still like to see her and involve her in the family. If I were you I would find that weird and be upset by it - after all she is part of his past and that is the way it should stay. If he really cared about how you feel then he would tell his family that he doesnt want to involve his ex in his life anymore so can they stop seeing her. If he refuses to do this for you then I would suspect that he still has feelings for his ex.
4. True. Men in many European countries never give their girlfriend's or wives any money. Women in Europe mostly work and earn their own money, so men never have to provide financial support for them. Once you are married and if you have children then yes they have to pay for the children. Some European men still like to help out their girlfriend's/wives financially and some women are housewives and dont work and rely entirely on their partners, but that is becoming increasingly rare. So he is right in saying that they dont need to help their girlfriend's financially - it is not part of the European culture for men to be obliged to help out financially just because they are in a relationship with a woman.
5. Thats a bit weird. I've never known a man to do this before. I think he is basically trying to make sure that he can get out of paying and always making sure that you will pay for him. This is bad behaviour in a relationship!
6. In Europe McDonald's is very cheap food! I'm guessing that is just a cultural difference and probably down to the exchange rate for currency. Anyway, no it is not normal. He is trying to use you for your money! I bet he has the money to pay if he is a boss in a factory, but is just not enough of a gentleman to actually pay for you! He is what we would call "tight" - that means someone who has money but just doesnt want to spend it and will allow other people to spend their money on them without ever giving anything back.
7. Again, no that is not normal. You shouldnt pay his parking tickets, its his car, his own fault for parking in the wrong place so he should pay! He should also contribute to petrol costs if you are driving him around a lot, that is just basic good manners to pay a little towards the petrol to show his appreciation to you.
8. He is very selfish. He is only thinking about himself at all times by the sounds of it, if he thinks you should have an abortion if you ever got pregnant then that shows he doesnt want to be tied down to you, he wants to be able to end the relationship whenever he wants without any responsibilities. He should also try and care and take interest in your culture - so to say he doesnt give a shit about Chinese New Year is very selfish.
9. No, again it is not normal. You both should be responsible for condoms - he should buy them and you should too. Everyone is responsible for their own health therefore you should never rely on anyone else to provide something like condoms or birth control.
So overall your relationship is not normal and you are being treated very badly. I have no idea how you have managed to put up with this for 2 years! He is using you for your money and completely taking advantage of you. He is also trying to convince you that the way he is behaving is normal in his culture and using that excuse to make you spend more of your money.
I think unfortunately you are in love with a man that does not love you, care about you or respect you. He is the worst kind of man and I suggest you leave him right away, and learn your lesson to stay away from these kinds of men! There are lots of lovely men out there who know how to treat a girl well, men who would treat you like a princess! You deserve better than this man you are with, so dont waste any more of your time or money on him!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Hun, this man is using you!! Couples do sometimes share the costs of meals etc and care about whether each other has money but this guy has some odd ideas.
He expects you to pay for the hotel, food, condoms and still drive him around?? No that is not right.
He is insulting you as a person and if he loved you he would gladly want to celebrate with you not insult you or your customs!!
And worst of all, if you fell pregnant he would expect you to get rid of the baby... sorry hun, but this man needs to go.
Get him out of your life, there are lots of men out there who would treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Dont waste your life on this worthless man!
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 He's using your body and your pocketbook. There is absolutely no respect here. I'm sorry you care for this jerk but you need to force yourself to move up and on. You know deep down in your heart that this just isn't the way things should be. Good luck Honey.
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A
female
reader, Monstaaa +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Is this seriously real??!!
He is using you,taking you for a ride,insulting you,please..just look at the LIST you've written. This is NOT right,yes people do split bills sometimes,but everything else??? Omg....Get rid!!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 December 2009):
He's using you. Though in western culture men and women do sometimes pay half of the bill each, we don't act this bad. And to ask you to buy the condoms as well, just sums it up.
More importantly, he is insulting your culture, he is insulting who you are. You should not take that from anyone. He's very closed minded if he believes the chinese culture is the worst. He's insulting your whole life and background.
And he even said if you had a baby you would have to get rid of it! no man has the right to say that.
You must get rid of this guy, because he's as bad as a thief and you can do better. Please get rid of him.
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