A
female
age
36-40,
*oMe
writes:Hi all,Hope i will get a good help here.It has been like 2 months and sth since my r/ship with my 6 years boyfriend started to shake.We loved and love eachother so much, we used to constantly talk about a future together and we were planning to get married like 3 months before. In between his mom got sick and went abroad to get a treatment for his mom, since we were on bad terms i wanted to give the relationship a break i changed my phone and stayed no contact for a month and sth. Then i sent him an email together with a night gown and a towl to his mom, on the email i talked about our dreams, the sweet moments we used to spent and he can contact me if he believes in us, if he still loves me with in a week but if he is not intrested to ignore me so that i will move on, at the end of the week he emailed me telling me his current condition(family and economy crisis)w/c is true btw are shutering off his vision in life so he doesn`t want a relationship, he also put so many things that i did in the past.By the time i got the email i just said my self he really needs to work out things, if it was not the case he wouldn`t email me. Then after few days i rang him he was happy to recieve my call asked him to meet me he said ok but since he doesn`t know wt time exactly he will call me back then he called on time but was angry say`n i don`t want to meet u it disturbs me coz i have a feeling for u blah blah but finally he agreed and we met i bought him a sheep to slaugther it for his mom, he was happy to c me, he held my hand while he drove, he hugged me repeatdly, but i can see he was down, he still carry our picture in his wallet, he wears the shirts i gave him, he told me abt his new plan in life,he told me nobody on his side knows that he is thinking of leaving me n that he wanted to go to a church with me.Then he sent me 3 emails say`n thank u, i replied anytime he then emailed pls i couldn`t open ur email send me again i sent him it was nth it reads anytime and asked him when to go to the church he didn`t reply after two weeks i called him he said he was abt to email me,n he was really intrested to talk to me he didn`t want to end the converstation too since he couldn`t decide wn to go to church i told him repeatdly he can`t string me like this n if he wants me not to call him again he said yeah don`t call me again, i hanged up n called him again he picked it n he was so down i told him am not call`n him again n hanged up the phone. After 3 days he started to call me repeatdly n texted me say`n u lier n cheater am ur ex now, good luck blah blah(he seemed very emotional though) he even called on my sister`s phone i didn`t talk to him the following day he emailed me i didn`t reply nor opened it, then after 3 days he called i didn`t pick up n he texted sorry for call`n u good luck, i emailed him that i hv agreed to the break up and all the bad staffs he used to do while we were together, n that i have moved on, he emailed that same day say`n sorry pls one more time am too depressed only God can understand me, n that he loves me n he will love me till he die n that he thinks of me day n nyt n finally said goodnight and pls forgive me if i have done sth that offeneded you.I didn`t reply to that too.After 3 days it was our birthday(we were born on same date), I switched off my phone and traveled on my phone he paged me i didn`t reply to that too, then i found out that he gave a card,flowers,n a candle to my sister to give it to me secretly....i don`t know what he is try`n to do??He used to beg me to death whenever we argue or split, he used to treaten me that he will kill him self if he is not going to b with me, everyone around me says he won`t leave me(depending on our history)i know he loves me and i know i love him and that i want to be with him too.I don`t know what i have to do now??i want to move on and am try`n my best but sth inside me is holding me back and telling me it`s not over .....pls help me!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): In all honestly, I really think you two need some serious time apart. The fact that he has threatened to kill himself if you ever split up is testimony to his state of mind. It also reflects that he has very little esteem or self respect if he's willing to do such and he probably doesn't love himself too dearly.
Remember the old saying "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else"? How can you ever love someone else if you're busy focusing on how much you hate yourself or how horrible your situation is? You can't.
He needs time to get his head on straight and find a better place or he'll never be able to provide you with what you need and vice versa.
Also, the fact that you guys keep pointing out all of the negative things you did to one another is a really bad sign. If you love someone, you simply don't do that unless it's in an attempt to resolve them.
I don't think you love one another as you say. I think you're just desperately attached to one another.
Talk to the man IN PERSON. Cut the texting and email crap because if you care enough about it to discuss, at least show some respect and do it in person. It may be exceptionally difficult, but you really need to meet with him and explain to him that you are concerned for his mental well being. The guy sounds like he really needs psychiatric help - help him find it if necessary. Explain that you care for him, but until he figures himself out and can think clearly, it's probably best to not be in a relationship for both of your sake. it'll make him stronger and it's something he really needs to do.
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