A
female
age
36-40,
*rato143
writes:Do you think it's selfish of my best friend to buy a new dress to go out clubbing for my birthday (On Saturday) when she knows very well I'm only going to be wearing black pants and a nice top? I DON'T wear dresses, period. She knows that. OH she knows it very well! Yet she has decided to go and buy a fancy new SUPER tight black strapless dress with a swooping neck line. A dress that she was bragging about today and saying how awesome she is going to look. Didn't even ask me what I'm planning to wear. So I butted in with 'That's cool. I'm just wearing my black pants and this new top I got. But it's not nearly as fancy as a dress...' She just said 'That's too bad. You should look fancy too!' (Gee really? On my birthday? Golly!) to which I responded 'Not much is fancier than a dress and you know I hate dresses...' thinking she'd get the hint. She obviously didn't because she went right back to bragging about it. I feel that no matter how fancy of a top I wear it won't be good enough. I know she just wants to look better than me and she wants all the attention from guys (which I don't care about right now), even though she's got a bf, and I don't. If this was her birthday I would have no problem. But it's not, and it's really not about the stupid dress. It's the principle. I find it very disrespectful. My other best friends agrees. So is my friend being selfish or am I overacting. I mean she is always trying to outdo me and even her own sisters agree with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): well you know this girl and i dont. I do know that there are people that MUST be the one in the spotlight. If that is her nature then you will either have to learn to expect it, and deal with the fallout, or discontinue the friendship, because they seldom change. They usually end up with very few friends and havent a clue as to why. You'll just have to decide if her good points outweigh the bad or vice~versa. Then make the choice as to how much time that you want to spend with a 'friend' like that. Don't let her ruin the day for you and have a happy bir hday!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): You could by matching tank tops that say, Happy Birthday, Buy the Birthday Girl a drink tonight (with and arrow pointing at you) and for you, Birthday Girl. This would identify all of you as being out and in a group together, plus, it would put you in the spotlight. It could make for an easy opening line for the guys and could be great fun. It would also put the pressure on your girlfriend to wear the tank top.As far as your girl's dress, you are off on this one. She obviously thought enough of your birthday that she went out and spent her hard earned money on a new dress to celebrate with you. She should be able to wear whatever makes her feel good. Wearing a dress does not make it her birthday or make her center of attention with your girlfriends.So, that leaves me to believe the issue is really about the attention she will get from the guys. I don't think that even if she didn't wear the dress, that the same guys would talk to you as her. Guys are always interested in different girls, just like girls are interested in different guys. A guy that talks to her, probably won't talk to you and visa versa ... no matter what you each wear. She probably comes across as high-maintenance, and you as more laid back. This will appeal to different guys.I hope this helped you to let the dress issue go and just enjoy the fact that you have a bunch of girlfriends that are going out and celebrating your birthday with you, you are lucky for their friendship ... don't make it an evening about guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): You know your friend better than anyone else here so I do agree with you that what she is doing is selfish. At the same time only you would know how to deal with her, I don't think my ideas would work because my friends are def not like her. If I were to try to talk to someone like your friend maturely, I would be called names by that person and have it thrown back at me.
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female
reader, Erato143 +, writes (18 September 2009):
Erato143 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionp.s And I want all my friends to look hot. I even took my other best friend out to buy a new outfit because she had nothing fancy to wear. And she even asked me FIRST what I was wearing before she decided. I said she could wear what she wanted and I wanted her to look good. And she said she didn't want to stand out on my birthday because that wouldn't be fair to me. When she found out my other best friend was going to be wearing a dress, without me saying crap about it SHE said 'Really? On your birthday? That's not very nice of her.'
The friend wearing a dress really is a beautiful girl with a great body and she always looks good. She could wear a paper bag and guys would still notice her. But she is wearing a dress so she stands out from the rest of us. She always acts like this.
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female
reader, Erato143 +, writes (18 September 2009):
Erato143 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneyeswide open and marriedlady. I said before it's not about the dress! It's about the fact that she's making this all about herself and doesn't even care how I feel. I think she knows I'm not comfortable with it, but she ignores that. I would never say anything to her about it because I don't want to hurt her feelings or start a fight because I AM a good friend. I am just frustrated and venting right now that's all. This whole past week she's talked about nothing but herself and her dress. She's actually been acting like it's her birthday not mine. I know this girl like the back of my hand and I know she wants to look better. She has very low self esteem and seriously whenever we go out she freaks if I get even a tad more attention than she does. She'll literally make us leave (and I'm the one that goes out of my way to drive her home) Her own sister who I talk to sometimes even agrees with me. I mean come on her own flesh and blood thinks she's being selfish? I'm not being petty. It's NOT about the dress (if she wore it ANY other time I wouldn't give a damn!) and it's NOT about getting attention. It's about her KNOWINGLY trying to upstage me on my birthday of all times, which I find extremely disrespectful. I'm just saying if this were HER birthday I would not do this. I know for a FACT (because I know her so well) that if I did she wouldn't handle it nearly as good as I am. She would definitely say something. I do still plan to have fun. If she chooses to flirt with guys the whole night (which she always does. Even with guys she knows I like) she can go ahead. I don't need to be her little sidekick. I'll have other friends there too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): I'm sorry shes gonna make your day more about her than you. it sucks but if she is being selfish, then remember she's not doing it to hurt you. It's something she wants for herself, ie all the attention from guys. Also at this point she's not gonna be able to see what she is doing and it's pointless to step on her parade since she's already bought it. But you dont have to sulk. You should've told her right away it was gonna bother you since it will be your birthday. I'm sure there's a lot of other nights for her to wear the dress as well.
Whether everyone agrees with you or not, its your birthday and you should say what you want and get it. Ofc if you don't say anything then it wont change.
In any case Happy Birthday. have a good one. Get drunk!
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female
reader, italianabaybay  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 if you dont realy care about getting attention from guys then i would just leave it alone. your friend is just one of those girls that want to be no notice when they are out. so just go have fun on your birthday and leave all this behind you. happy birthday:) btw
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female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 She is prob doing it so she gets all the attention i also have a friend like that you say dress casual and she turns up all tarted up.....its maybe a issue she has with herself...but let her get on with it...im sure your look just as great but ENJOY your special day and dont let this get ya down or anger ya!!! Have fun!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): you are in the wrong here! She can dress however she wants, and so can you. What a person wears is a reflection of their personality. She cant dress up to look and feel attractive because 1) she has a boyfriend, and 2) you dont to wear a pretty dress? What a selfish little infant you are being! You and your petty little friends sound jealous to me...save the drama!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 September 2009):
 If you don't care whether she gets all the attention from the guys then why does her apparel bother you so much? How is she disrespecting you? Or do you feel that nobody should try to look hot on your birthday except you? Sounds rather petty to me. Go have fun on your birthday and put this behind you. Happy Birthday by the way.
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