A
female
age
36-40,
*ola16182
writes:Got a question everyone. Ok first things first, I want to clarify that I am talking about my ex-boyfriend that I had been with for 2 and 1/2 years. We broke up about 2 weeks ago because I just can't trust him. He has a tendency of lying in his past, about small things, but you be the judge.So the below are 3 instances in which he has messaged girls but he doesn't know that I've seen them. Like he doesn't even think that we use the same computer? Duh.Girl #1- Ok a month before we broke up he messaged a girl online that'd he just met through a friend (she's single) and asked "Hey what are u up to tonight? Was wondering if u want to go out for ice cream or something? Here's my number, call me :) " --I was talking to him online at this same time and he told me he was "busy that night and had to go get groceries". By the way she messaged back and said she was busy. So fast forward 1 week later he messages her again with "Hey so how about i take u out for that ice cream this week?" --she replied with I'm out of town so I can't. And that was the end of that one.Girl #2 - went out to the bars, met some girl (single also) and he hung out with me the next night and said he was "waiting for a phone call to go out with some friends" --the call never came and he messaged her that night saying "Oh I guess u got tied up with work tonight, give me a call tomorrow and we'll go out for dinner or something" --she proceeded to delete him offline.Girl #3 - We were broken up at this point but he is still constantly begging me to take him back and that he "loves me and there is no one else out there he would ever want and wouldn't even think of dating someone else"He went out to a party and met some old friend from high school. He actually told me about this one though and said "Yeah she told me to look her up online and suggested we go for coffee and catch up, but in a group of people not just us, completely platonic it doesn't mean anything". Well according to the message HE SENT HER, it read "Hey sorry I had to creep and look you up online, but I was disappointed we didn't get to talk more the other night, I was wondering if u would like to go out for coffee this week, here's my number, call me!" He then messaged me today saying "well you can relax she messaged me back saying her boyfriend didn't like the idea of her going out with some guy platonically" I didn't message him but in my mind I was like hmm..you messaged her that u wanted just the 2 of u to go out, but told me you were going out with a "group of friends" and now accidentally admitted it was just the 2 of you. What she actually messaged him was "Hey sorry but I should tell you I have a boyfriend, so I don't think it's a good idea to hang out like that, sorry". His reply was "Ok, totally understandable, well might see you around someday" (Umm yeah he must have really wanted to "catch-up" with her if when she turned him down he has no intention of meeting with him now)Please shed some light on this situation. I know he is liar of small things in the past, but I had never seen him lie about big stuff like this, considering half of them happened while still dating him! And even now him trying to win me back and promising that he doesn't want anyone else. Now can someone please comment, can these situations be in ANY WAY PLATONIC? To me it sounds like bullshit and he's trying to score with someone else and lying to me about it...but I'm very angry at the moment and emotionally involved and with his past history or white lies and my not being able to trust him I automatically assume the worst. Just want to confirm my beliefs and that I am not crazy and he really is just a lying dog. Just want to make sure I'm not blowing things out of proportion...thanks everyone!
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broke up, liar, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Moochi  +, writes (22 May 2009):
Hi Lola
It seems that the guy is only sticking around because no other girl is taking him. He will be a nag when you talk about break-up but you need to act strong. You deserve much better that being trated as a second preference of a guy who no one else wants to take.
All the best!!!
A
female
reader, lola16182 +, writes (22 May 2009):
lola16182 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to both of you. Thats all I wanted..just confirmation that I am not crazy & that I haven't overanalyzed this situation because thats what he says. He was verbally abusive too but disguised it as "joking" so my self-esteem plummeted, but in these 2 weeks I am beginning to build myself back up, and am realizing that I deserve so much better, but it scares me that someone can lie that well because I wouldn't have known if I hadn't seen the messages on our computer--it makes me doubt that I can ever fully trust someone again. But I am hoping that improves with time?
Anyway thanks again!
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A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (22 May 2009):
 You called it. Sounds like bullshit. Sorry you have to put up with that scum. He clearly has been interested in other girls, so I don't know why you didn't end it when you saw the msg from girl number 2. or even 1 for that matter.
Anyway, at least you know. You're gonna find some guy that's going to treat you like a princess and then you'll look back and laugh that this jerk ever could put you through this. You deserve way better, you know you do.
He lied about small things, the lies could only get bigger. If people lie constantly about little things it's usually an indicator that they have lied about something big and need other little lies to keep it up.. Or they just get a thrill out of lying.. or they're scum!
Seriously girl, go find yourself someone who treats you like gold, you deserve it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): Really, what more evidence do you need that he's messing around?
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