A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have an unusal situation. i met a girl online. i know many people feel on-line relationships are insane. her best friend told me "your insane, get a real girl you can see face to face, she has a man."i showed this to my on-line friend and she un-friended her, then took her back next day, and un-friended me for talking to her friend when she was trying to get in the conversation via her facebook wall.i was talking to her friend because she wanted some male advice after her boyfriend dumped her.so basically the girl i have been coming onto for appx 15 months unfriends ME for talking to her friend even though she knows why and i think ii was just being a good listener to her friend who lost her boyfriend, then thanks me by calling me insane.this was about 4 weeks ago. since then i have written numerous letters trying to prove my interest in her and she continues to ignore me.NOW, through my own experience, lol, when i annoy a girl, they tell me to STOP, GO AWAY, etc..This girl hasn't said a word.Is it possible she is just still upset that i talked to her friend while she was trying to get into the conversation? Sort of "put on punishment"?Or is this frienship over?Its driving me nuts because i HAVE been put on punishment before, but the longest was about 11 days.Not 4 weeks. You would think after 4 weeks if i really annoyed her she would do like all the others and tell me to STOP.Any advice?? Anyone??
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013):
the fact that she is okay not talking to you for 4 weeks means nothing to you?
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Uhhhh, Yea.. Thanks to alot of Intelligent Aunts WHO READ,
It means that she's NUTS. I was listening to her friend blab and whine on how her boyfriend dumped her; and out of respect for the girl that i have been talking to for over a year, she decided to ignore me FOR THAT.
u have been thrown in jail for saying stupid things to girls?
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Uhhhh, Yea.... If YOU READ, I went on to say "I havent been told "go away" in years. I was around 19 or 20. I'm 28 now. So the stupid macho remarks are over. "
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u know what... get a fwb... get laid... and forget about all this... okay?
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Have we met in person?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): the fact that she is okay not talking to you for 4 weeks means nothing to you?
u have been thrown in jail for saying stupid things to girls?
u know what... get a fwb... get laid... and forget about all this... okay?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_Very_Confused You are not hammering me at all. You are right, 1200 miles is nothing, a 3 hr plane ride.
If i must add more to help you better understand my situation,
my dad was in his last stages of cancer and i was the only one who could take him to chemo.
He finally passed away months ago and that was a hard process altogether having to cope.
Now that THAT has slowly subdued, i am slowly regaining consciousness and want to proceed where i left off.
Only to find myself ignored for doing what i thought was a kind gesture.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 February 2013):
 OP it must be very hard to think one thing and then be told by a bunch of strangers that no one agrees with your train of thought....
it's a lot to process isn't it?
I don't want to hammer at you but at your age, with money and the ability to travel in this day and time 1200 miles is NOTHING.... there was a reason you two kept it to online.
you may not have even known why you or she did...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAuntyEm Actually i have taken alot of advice into consideration..
I havent been replying much because i have been devastated by my actions i just havent had the interest in embarrassing myself more than i already have.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 Like I said...this guy is not taking the advice given by the aunts on board.
I think he is one of those guys who just wants to be right.
Storm in a tea cup!!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 Oh sorry, I just re-read your question. You wrote that you've been 'coming onto her' for the past 15 months. So she's not a 'friend,' she's an online crush.
Crushes need fuel to turn into full on relationships. Generally speaking, that means that you need to meet in real life and can decide to go from there.
You've basically had an online penpal who had her own criteria for friendship and online relationships and alas, you didn't meet her standards, spoken or unspoken.
Maybe you have dodged a bullet and will be better off without her drama! Good luck.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2013):
You met a girl on line. What did you expect from the online friendship?
Some people are 'polite' and tell you that the relationship is over, and others just cut contact. Sounds like she's in the latter group.
Is there a reason you are so attached to the online relationship that you cannot let it go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1 I may have given you a poor example in my last reply to you as to me being told before "leave me alone".That bahamas and rubbing oil thing was merely a scenario i made up.. I havent been told "go away" in years. I was around 19 or 20. I'm 28 now. So the stupid macho remarks are over. But the reason i said this in the first place is because i know that men in bars and clubs after a few drinks tend to get a bit aggressive. And if you're a musician, female, good looking, i can imagine the jerks that approach her with cheap pick up lines and i know she just doesnt stand there and ignore.Because then the drunk jerk will most likely start with the name calling (stuck up, too good for anyone, etc etc).As a matter of fact, she's told me on occassion where she had to tell a guy f*** off because he wouldnt leave her alone even after she told him she was engaged, lol.I have seen this so many times. A girl tells a guy she is engaged, and then the guy wants to see the ring--"i dont see a ring on your finger"..Isnt my case a bit different? Was i trying to pick this girl up? I wouldnt be asking for advice if i just met her
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_Very_Confused I know i didnt mention this in my original question/post, but i believe i told someone earlier that i live 1200 miles away from this girl..
BUT, I DO TRAVEL...
SO YES, i would have even booked a flight to meet her in person, but i also am a musician and have a day job.
Thats a bit complex.
I am sorry i left this piece of information out.
And i guess cyber-bullying is a bit harsh.
She was not insulting me or anything like that.
I just felt sort of devalued by her actions.
Talking to her friend because she wanted advice is one thing, talking to her friend because i was hitting on her is another. THAT I can see where one would deserve the total silent treatment..at least thats my opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1 Well that's easy...when i get told to go away,
it's because i know i initiated it--usually thats when i am in a flirtatious mood, and i am talking or "chit chatting" to someone as pretty as you, and i tell them i would love to be in the bahamas with them rubbing oil on their thighs lol etc etc...
THATS A NO BRAINER..
But really, talking to her friend who got dumped by her man, and i am just here being a good listener, being her Dear Cupid??
Thats where i cant..I wont anymore, try and figure that one out Tish.. sorry if you cant understand where i am coming from...
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2013):
Fourteen months of online chitchatting is.... 14 months of online chitchatting. It is not a promise to be your friend for life, it does not signify more than someone was willing to chitchat for a little over year, online.
Your expectations are skewed, unrealistic and overly dramatic.
If you annoy girls so often that you are told to go away, you have other issues that need work.
Reality check: she is NOT cyberbullying you, she has written you off as a waste of her time. There is no point in attempting closure from her. She has made her closure. You have to make your own.
I'd start with why you have so many women telling you to GO AWAY. It's not them. It's you. Work on that.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2013):
Sorry OP I don’t in any way shape or form see it as bullying cyber or otherwise. She does not want to talk to you and while it would have been nice of her to tell you she was done, she did not. YOU are left to draw your own conclusions… sadly you want her back so badly ( you miss the chit-chat) that you can’t see the reality of her behavior.
The fact is from what I can tell is that you were friends online for 15 months and never wanted to progress to being friends in real life…. Because at your age if you did want a real relationship with her you would have gone to meet her and woo her in real life. But you would rather hide behind having an “online relationship” and pretending everything is all right. Your argument that men walk out of prison married men speaks to your skewed views of what is an acceptable relationship to people who are mentally balanced. I do not find these women who marry men in jail without meeting them sane or rational. I think many of them do it to hide from the hard work real life is.
Why didn’t you go meet her after a month or two?
Then you talked to her friend and she got upset and she unfriended you and did not tell you why or goodbye… and you have sent her numerous letters… and she continues to ignore you. SHE IS DONE.
So basically she “walked out on you” without so much as a warning shot… and you are confused. If this was real life, she would have packed her bags and left while you were at work… same thing… she wants NO CONTACT…. She’s being VERY CLEAR about this.
IF YOU see it as her being manipulative and punishing you, I think your grasp of the situation may not be clear due to your emotional involvement.
To be honest it would have been nice of her to give you a warning that it was over. But she did not and you have to learn to accept that.
You are NOT on punishment. If it’s been four weeks of no contact, she is clearly done…
My advice…. Let it go.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 February 2013):
You seem to be upset and over analytical both of the situation itself and the answers you are getting from the aunts on DC.
Whether it's cyber bullying, or just a plain case of her not being as much 'into' you as you thought, the indication is that she is 'done' with you.
If it's really bugging you, why don't you pay her a visit and try to get the truth from her own mouth, because we all here can only second guess your dilemma and you arn't satisfied with anything we have said.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA male reader, CMMP United States + ?, writes (14 February 2013):Well, I guess the bottom line is that it's hard for anyone here to know what someone else is thinking in a situation like this.*******************************************************Bingo!! That's why ignoring someone, especially on-line,should really be considered a form of cyber-bullying with just one exception: If the person who is being ignored is a stalker, or is harassing the other.I WAS NOT harassing this girl. I was being a good listener to her friend who got dumped. I'd guess that if she was temporarily mad, it wouldn't have been for this long. A month is a long time to be mad. Also, you feel that she should say "leave me alone" If that's what she wants, because that's what she says all the time to guys. The difference is that in person, you have to say "leave me alone", but online you can just ignore them and it gets you the same results. **********************************************************Yes you'll get the same results, but when you ignore someone 4 weeks after 14 months of chit chat, isn't the person doing the ignoring actually the cyber-bully here?14 months of chit-chatting, thats a relationship/friendship i dont care what anyone says. Do you know how many prisoners come out of jail a married man because they met their wife through a pen-pal?? writing letters, exchanging feelings on a piece of paper.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
Well, I guess the bottom line is that it's hard for anyone here to know what someone else is thinking in a situation like this.
I'd guess that if she was temporarily mad, it wouldn't have been for this long. A month is a long time to be mad. Also, you feel that she should say "leave me alone" If that's what she wants, because that's what she says all the time to guys. The difference is that in person, you have to say "leave me alone", but online you can just ignore them and it gets you the same results.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 February 2013):
Let me give you a spoiler - there is no such thing as an "online relationship.."
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlmao1989 That is very theraputic and sweet coming from a girl's point of view. thank you 3
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA male reader, Joey Notice Canada +, writes (14 February 2013):I am sorry, but I am gonna take a different direction on answering this. You need to get a real life period. You are laying all your eggs on an online relationship and it smells of loneliness and desperation. It is sad.
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JOEY, what's sad is YOU taking a different direction in a forum that asks for advice on a girl who ignored me for 4 weeks because i was giving her friend advice who got dumped by her boyfriend. Not exactly a common reason to ignore some 4 weeks, is it. The more i read these answers the more I am convinced I am not the problem, it's her insecurities and narcissistic behavior. Kind of like yours.
If you read my first sentence to my question, i said "I know some people think on-line relationships are insane. YOU are the "some people" I was talking about.
The know-it-all's but no about as much a prune.
Tell me Joey, when you replied to my question, did you think there was another computer at the other end of your screen? A Sony Surround sound system? No there's an actual person with actual feelings. So if you replace me and you with let's say You and Britany SPears, and you are telling Brittany beautiful things that makes her send you XOXOXXO's every day, 3 hearts, "mua mua" and this goes on for about a year already, would you tell Brittany that this is lonely and depressed and needs to get a life?
I am a musician. Musicians work nights. And we work in clubs, like the girl i am asking advice about.
And the girls i meet in clubs are groupie drunks that think all musicians are millionaires.
Thats why i cant figure out the cold shoulder. not only do we make each other happy with the little flirts, we have something in common... only she works 1,200 miles from me.
SO THE NEXT time you wanna tell someone they need to get a life, maybe ask them what type of life do they lead, what do they do for a living...it definitely will save alot of wear and tear in having to reprimanded.
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male
reader, Joey Notice +, writes (14 February 2013):
I am sorry, but I am gonna take a different direction on answering this. You need to get a real life period. You are laying all your eggs on an online relationship and it smells of loneliness and desperation. It is sad.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (14 February 2013):
She's not ignoring you...she has dissapeared because she got found out!!
If you read this site you will find lots of posts from men and women who come here to confess how they sweet talked/chatted up/promised the earth to some or other person over the internet...got in real deep but forgot to let the other person know they were already in a relationship with someone else...happens all the time!!
This is because internet relationships on the whole are not real and for a lot of people it's just a quick way to get some attention without really having to do any of the hard work that a real relationship requires...there fore a lot of people get lied to, used and deceived!!
If you are the kind of person who hasn't really had many real life relationships, internet relationships can act as a kinda substitute, but they arn't worth much unless you actually meet the person and start dating them in person.
Move on!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): Just stop messaging her, she'll come crawling back (not that it would be a good thing, girls like this never are), but right now she's feeding off you chasing her, so why would she message you back stopping the chase? Once you stop chasing her she'll stop running and start to think, wondering why you've give up. Girls like her love the attention, they don't necessarily want a guy, they just love every guy wanting them, so they play along. Once a guy stops showing interest and he moves on, a girl can't hack it, and she tries to lure him in again. She'll message you one day out of curiosity, but hopefully by then you can tell her you moved on and are now happy with someone else.
There's a girl who I was in a LDR with, she messed me around thrice during the relationship (on/off on/off), I gave her a couple of chances because I know LDR's can be hard to get your head around. Then she did it again at christmas so I closed the door on her for good, moved on and didn't contact her again. Just tonight, she messaged me on facebook wishing me a happy valentines day, to which I read, and straight deleted.
Thing is, a lot of girls and especially online and long distance, don't take things that seriously and if anything, they just use people for a bit of attention and a buzz, until it wears off and they drop you.
Don't feel too bad over it, you can get over an online infatuation a lot easier than it sometimes feels, but once you do, DON'T allow the girl to get back inside your head and under your skin because she'll take down the same route as last time if you are naïve enough to believe she's serious this time round.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCMMP, nah, i pretty much knew that was the answer...
my only question mark was the fact that she chose not to
do what i'm sure she does every night she is at a club after during intermission and after the show when all the pervs who had 4 martinis want to score with the pretty band chic...
I've been thrown in jail before by girls because i upset them over silly things and ignored.. but never for 4 weeks..
and when i've been dumped, they come out and say it..
I never had to "take a hint'.
So, first time for everything as the saying goes.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
Sageoldguy hit the nail on the head.
She's ignored you for 4 weeks. Do you really need advice on this? Does the expression "get a clue" have any meaning to you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo: no nonsense Aidan I may have forgotten to mention that this girl is somewhat of a celebrity lol.. she travels all over europe and the united states in a band.So now you know where she spends 70% of her time.In clubs and bars. Now we men know what we do when we see something we rarely see in a band. a girl. a beautiful girl.So i find it hard to believe that every guy who approached her in a club after playing, or even in a club to be with her friends, she ignores them hoping they get the hint.I am sure she says "STOP or i will have to call security" or just plain "STOP i'm not here to socialize i'm here to work", or just plain "STOP" LOL.Now do you see why i have taken this as far as Dear Cupid?Why am i so special that she can't tell me what I am sure she tells 3 or 4 drunks a night?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTO: no nonsense Aidan, Normally i would agree with you 100%. In a way i still do. But i may have left out a bit of info. This girl is somewhat of a celebrity.I wont say which one, because that can kind of narrow it down to who she is lol.But lets just say that she travels all over europe and united states pretty much in clubs...SOOO she's either a stripper, a singer, or in a popular band.So if you know what type of people go to clubs, they're usually guys who had a few drinks and after the gig is over, all the guys want to meet the girl on stage who i must say a beautiful chic.SOOO, I am sure she doesn't ignore them hoping they will get the hint. I'm sure she is used to telling them "Thank You I'm flattered but i am taken", "I'm married", Or if they persist (like i did writing emails), they'll tell you "STOP or i'll have to call security", or plain ol' "STOP".This is why i am here asking for advice because celebrities are constantly approached by people and they just have to be mean and tell them "F**K Off"...but in a nice way.So, after knowing this girl is a celebrity, do you still think she is quietly trying to give me the hint?Because if I DO decide to move on, it's gonna hurt me to do so considering it's all because of some broken hearted friend of HERS who wanted MY advice of her BF dumping her??LOL LIKE you said,,, someone here is immature.. and it sure aint me lol.
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female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (13 February 2013):
 Think she's just being ignorant because she is hoping you get the hint without her having to tell you.
It's done.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 February 2013):
 "Any advice?? Anyone??"
Yes. Take a break from F/B for about 6 months. Read books, pursue a hobby, learn to play a musical instrument.... Then, after those 6 months, come back on this site, open this submittal and see if it applies and/or makes any sense..... This is too much drama for this old brain.....
Good luck....
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (13 February 2013):
Any advice? Yes, it’s over. Either way it’s over! Either she wants to end it and hopes that by her silence you’ll get the hint, or she is punishing you for talking to her friend, which is such a ridiculous way to behave and such a silly way to communicate feelings, that there isn’t the maturity there for a meaningful relationship anyway. So whatever she’s doing, give up on her and move on.
I wish you all the very best.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 February 2013):
 she's not annoyed at you for talking to her friend. she realized she was busted about having a boyfriend and decided to stop talking to you.she's not punishing you and not ignoring you to play a mind game. she's done talking to you. period. and you're much better off because she was carrying on a relationship behind your back all that time. who needs that?
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