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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel terribly lonely and sad. I feel unloved. And like people underestimate me. I can't help but look back at when I was in high school and was rejected by every guy I liked, and also no guys liked me, ever. I wasn't popular, I was shy. I had a few friends that I later distanced from. Now I have some friends, but they are super sociale and have tons of friends besides our circle so I don't see them often either. I'm still introverted, and I live in a kinda small town where there aren't any groups to hang out and share interests (like they have in the US with MeetUp and stuff). I work freelance, so I don't have "co-workers", and I don't meet new people at work either.And my love life is hell. I've been on an on and off relationship for 6 years. Now he tells me he wants to make up and see each other for Valentine's, but he constantly calls me names like it was the most natural thing. I'm fed up with that. The problem with this being a small town kind of place is that I run into him or his friends all the time. And if they friends see me, they report to him. He says he loves me, but with all the name calling I feel he doesn't and never has. I feel worthless. No other guys like me... actually there was a guy who liked me, but he lives far away, so it's pointless and also he doesn't talk much to me anymore so I guess he lost interest.I always thought after high school things would improve, but I feel stuck, lonely, worthless... I need words of encouragement, any type of advice, anything...
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 It definitely sounds you need to make some changes in your life. Believe me, I was once like you too but I finally got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
Let's look at each of your problems:
1) You are caught up in a dead end relationship. For 6 years you've been suffering with the dregs of a man. Why? Do you not deserve better or do you think he is the best you can get? One of the reasons why you haven't gotten better is because you've chained yourself to this man and not given yourself the ability to find someone you can truly bond with.
2) You live in a small, boring town. If you work freelance, what is keeping you there? If you have no attachments and no commitments, what's stopping you from picking up your things and moving to someplace you've always dreamed of? If you can't just pick up and leave, why not start making plans so that you CAN leave. I know it is a risk and it will be scary, but I've done that more than once in my life and I came out stronger, wiser and better for it. Recently I moved across the country music I was feeling like you...
3) Don't let your past dictate your future. Sure, you had it rough, but YOU can make small changes that will better yourself. Don't expect over night miracles, but steady progress will get you to where you want to go. The past is in the past and each day is a chance to re-invent yourself.
Ultimately, you are in charge of your destiny. Make a list of things you want to accomplish and start taking steps to live our your dreams. Failure to do that will result in you feeling lonely and depressed. By getting out of yourself you will attract other, positive people and your joy will be returned to you.
Finally, you may want to seek outside help. I suspect you are suffering from a lack of confidence and self-esteem. A counselor or therapist may be able to help. Whatever you do though, take action. If you fail to take action, you'll keep feeling the way you are and you'll continue to have boyfriends who don't appreciate you.
Eddie
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
There is a good reason people move out of small towns when they're young.
You need to move away, get a roommate online so money is no excuse.
Then you need to look into counseling.
I bet moving will make a big difference.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 I also think you should not see that guy anymore. Why would you let such a negative influence in your life? Tell him you don't want to see him again and then cut him out of your life. Who cares if his friends see you and tell him. Just ignore him.
I think relocating might be a good idea as well. You haven't said what your home life is like but if it's bad then that's another reason. Look into work and education opportunities and see what kind of options you have.
Hang in there.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 February 2013):
 The first thing to do is to break up with your boyfriend. Don't celebrate Valentine's with him. When you do that you win half the battle and can make room for a new person. You are stuck in a stale environment with constant reminders of how you are not good enough. Since you work freelance, have you thought about relocating? If I were you I would save up then make the move eventually.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (13 February 2013):
 For a start get rid of Mr. calling you names you are not to be treated like that this is why you're having so much lack of confidence in yourself because you don't socialise with your friends you have or new co-workers, the best thing about having co-workers is being able to socialise with them get into the reality of the world. Being in this situation where you don't see people isn't good this is why you're so down so introverted and feel no-one likes you or wants to be with you.They do you just have to make the effort to go out there and find them, this guy just likes the fact he can treat you however because you're unwilling to let go of him because you're TOO afraid that you'll be alone for the rest of your life when you won't! If you keep telling yourself that and keep thinking that way then yes you will but you need to tell yourself positive things you're worth more than that so called 'MAN' you've been on and off with. Move on get out there with your little group and expand it a bit don't have to excessively overboard but going out once or even twice a week that's better than just sitting in thinking no-one in the world likes you.,High school is over now you're older more mature and you need to be more positive about yourself and your life if you are kind to yourself others will respect you and be kind to you. Men will appreciate you just show those guys what they are missing! Don't ever think that this guy can treat you like that because you feel you won't find anyone else you will and it will start by you getting rid of him once and for all he doesn't love you you're right do you know why? Because he likes the control he has over you because he knows how vulnerable you feel and you may think you don't show it but he can see it he can see how insecure you are about yourself and he's using that to his advantage so don't give him that advantage get rid of him and start living life get back in contact with that guy who lived far away get to know him better get to know other guys.Push the boat out!Trust me you're worth more than you think you are. Chin up x
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