A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for a few months now. He has a few friends that are females. One is an ex girlfriend. When they get together it's to help her around her house. Mowing lawn, cleaning patio etc. she then makes him dinner as a thank you and then they watch tv together. The other night they went to a drive in with her 8 year old daughter. He has told me that they are just friends nothing else. I do believe him and he's very open in telling me about it but it just doesn't sit right with me. He tells me I need to get over it. She's just a friend. This may all well be true but it still seems weird to me. My question: Is this normal?
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 I had the 'but i miss the daughter' one and hes back with his ex, which i always knew would happen eventually, he was just going through the motions, having a gap year!Its not his problem that she cant afford a gardner.Its not his responsibility.No i wouldnt be comfy with this, but its your decision at the end of the day. Whatever rests easy with you.C xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all of your responses! I must apologize for not giving you more accurate information. The daughter is from another marriage of hers. He was just a boyfriend not the father. I do agree with Uniquel in terms that he may have a little something for her, otherwise, Why? He says he misses the daughter. In regards mowing the lawn he says he does it because she can't push the mower. I told him that she should get a gardner or buy a better lawn mower. Response -- can't afford it. Besides he said, he doesn't mind and he values her friendship. I also agree with hlskitten that she is using him. She probably feels that if he's willing why not? I did talk with him last night and he says i'm making too much of it. Maybe i am but i just don't think i can handle it. I've never faced this in a relationship before. I asked this question because i've heard more and more lately about oposite sex friendships. Platonic. So i was curious to know how this was viewed. If he does continue their friendship i believe i'm going to ask him for my walking papers.Thanks again
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 July 2007):
No
I wouldnt accept this. My kids dad doesnt come round here cutting my grass and doing d.i.y & his girlfriend would have a fit if he did! And quite rightly so. His ex is either using him, or is completely dependant on other people to do for her. Or she still sleeps with him. Or fancies him. Or all!
I do pretty much everything in my house, why does she need to reply on a man to do things for her?
Its fair play to txt an ex now n then to see how they are getting on. I did that with an ex for years. No romantic intentions involved. Didnt ever meet him & certainly wouldnt expect a current squeeze to put up with us having cosy chats & films???
I think you're right to not be happy about it. Regardless of weather there are children involved, there comes a time when people have to stand on their own two feet.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, PoSiOnKiSS +, writes (31 July 2007):
 I disagree with Jamer70 and totally back Uniquel. It is not normal at all especially to do house work for her!!! Thats just wrong. And is the kid there, because you just said her daughter. They should not be going out together, he shoudl not be doing her favours like mowin the frakin lawn as this is what couples do!! And they are not a couple. He needs to get over her because he will be sending ehr mixed messages about there current relationship. And believe me Jamer, when a girl is taken out and have nice family little outings like they did going to watch a film then the women will feel all buttered up and loved once more, and she will want it more often. You guna tell me that you`d go out with a girl that still went round to her ex boyfriends and cooked and cleaned for him? Dont think so, its not normal, there called ex`s for a reason! Yeah they might be friends but theres most deinfalty something more going on with these two. You need to totally have it out with him girl and tell him he either stops doing his ex these 'favours' and starts doing things with you more or else your walking. Because if hes not interested in giving up his daily job he seems to have with her then your not going to get the full commitment and attention you will want in several months time. Just think of it this way, in a years time could you still put up with him going round to her house and doing his 'choirs' and taking her out? Be strong and find out where you stand in this relationship. Hope this helps hun x
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (31 July 2007):
 I disagree with Uniquel.
Though it may not be "normal" (what is) its OK thats he is close to his EX.
Look at it from his view they have a kid together so im assuming they were together for a while. When the relationship ended you cant expect him to completly forget the woman who mothered his child can you.
They have a history and he doesnt want it to be forgoten even though they're not together. Sometimes it is but thats it messy break ups and they're always very bitter and it sounds like he didnt have one.
Im also guessing in there time together they obvisouly grew close enough to have a kid and this may explain why they meet up every so often.
As you trust him, i would just say you have to accept there past as its an integeral part of him now and comes as his package, the child and mother.
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A
female
reader, Unique1 +, writes (31 July 2007):
In my opinion it is not. I would never be involved with a guy that is that much involved with his ex....Looks like your boy still might have little something for that girl! Seriously, it is little over the top.I have a problem if there is any contact with exes-especially that! You might not want to get over that and have a serious talk....I was in touch with one of my exes and trust me even though he had a gf and i had a bf at the time, once in a while we ended up talking about us or about us when we used to be a couple.Now ask youself if you want your bf to do that or no?
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