A
female
age
30-35,
*icky2727
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm really bummed out and i feel ridiculously lonely. My parents have been planning a 2 week trip to Italy for the longest time and they've been so excited to go. Well they finally left this morning and the day is dragging on and on and its only been 2 hours. Sometimes I question myself and how independent I really am. I sometimes feel like a wimp because I just turned 21 and while most kids don't like being around their parents... I start to miss mine like crazy when they leave for just a day so i don't know how im going to cope with 2 weeks. The house is so quiet and I only have my dog to keep me company. I sometimes get anxiety attacks and get scared that they're gone. Is this normal?My brother lives down the street with his wife and my best friend is always a couple minutes away but I still feel like I can't be bugging them to spend all their time with me.How do I deal with such a quiet house and missing them. Is this normal? I'm not trying to be selfish because I know my parents have wanted this for a while but I just feel sad that they're gone and I started crying as soon as they left.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 Voice outside the choir, but no, pardon my bluntness, I find that neither normal, nor sweet at all. I find it neurotic and troubling, and as a parent I'd be very worried for you.
Love has nothing to do with neediness or dependence or obsession. You can love your parents to bits AND be able to function normally, in fact happily, during their short absence.
Perfectly true, in Italy most people your age, and older too, live at home. There's no social stigma attached to it and anyway, alas, our current economy makes moving out a pipe dream for most young people. As a matter of fact , I live with my 22 y.o. son.
But it's not WHERE you live- it's HOW you live. My son and I have a very good relationship, all in all, - but it's a relationship between two adults, albeit related and emotionally close. Neither one is going to have their knickers twisted in a knot if the other is enjoying a vacation . Missing your parents, and being eager to welcome them back is sweet- crying your eyes out and being unable to function normally and to entertain yourself in their absence is ott, perhaps unhealthy..
No, you don't have to bug your brother or best friend to spend ALl their time with you. Only in jail or in hospital you spend all your time among other people ( and apparently it's not such a great experience ). A normal adult can balance and share her / his time between friends, relatives, coworkers and social pursuits AND time alone, which is neither a punishment nor a torture , but a
pleasant and welcome occasion to focus on yourself and do what you like to do ( reading, listening to music, watching Tv, exercising, and about another thousand of etc. etc. etc ) or what you HAVE to do ( studying, running errands, house chores, again etc.etc. ).
You don't talk about your life in general, but it sounds that you have a lot of time to devote to your parents. How come ? Do you have a bf ? A job ? Do you go to school ? Have hobbies ? Go out with friends ?...To sum it up, how comes that your parents being there or not makes ALL the difference in your day ?
A devoted loving daughter is surely a treasure and a joy for any parent... but there is something like too much of a good thing. If you make your parents responsible for all of your emotional weelbeing at age 21, you are throwing on their shoulders a heavy , crushing responsibility that not even the most giving ,affectionate parent should have to shoulder.
As for anxiety and panic attacks- well, that's definitely something worth seeking professional help about . Go get some counseling and find out a way to both love your parents to bits AND be an indipendent, well adjusted adult at the same time.
A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 Hi.You're so sweet.No wonder your parents dote you. well,you can sms or call them.It's your choice. Why not?sometimes I do feel lonely.But growing independently since young,i learn how to kill the time. easy one is Online...google here and there.How abt library? tons books to read.not interest? Well,get change and head to town, eat and enjoy the shopping, movies or alternatively call friends to join. Play any instuments? Do something that you like to do that you never have chance to do so far. Beware,not risky or bad stuff,ok?show to them that you're mature by telling them your stories what'd happen during 2 weeks. Come on, Do it
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 I am 28, I live with my parents and when they're away (like now), it's agony. I too have often wondered whether it's "normal" or not. Maybe half a century ago, it would have been the most natural thing on earth but with times changing and society becoming more individualistic, people who are deeply attached to their parents or choose to live with them (not because of compulsions like money) are made to question themselves. Nevertheless, we need to learn to cope with such loneliness. I am often haunted by the fear of losing my parents (my best friends) and I wake up from mightmared, drenched in sweat, with my heart pounding. It's traumatic. It does help to keep oneself busy, invent work if there is none, study a bit if possible, watch television and read loads of books, or hang out with friends. It sort of keeps your mind off your loneliness and helps to cope. You could try. It won't make things miraculously better but it does lessen the feelings of loneliness. All the best!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 I think it is possible to feel like that if this is the first time you are on your own. It's a sudden change and you are adjusting to it. It's hard to believe though you had never been in a summer camp? There are many good things about being in a close knit family, kind or rare today. In Italy many people your age still live with their parents. You should keep yourself busy. Go to the gym for a couple of hours so you can sleep well. Your parents will come back safe. My parents fly once a month a least and they never had a problem. Play your favorite music and cook a small meal for yourself.
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