A
female
age
30-35,
*ebcol
writes:Ok so I had a little baby girl about 9 months ago. And since then Ive had about zero sex drive. I get horny occasionally but im just not in the mood. This has put a serious strain on my relationship with my fiance. I know he has liked our mutual friend for a very long time, I was wondering if it would be wrong to tell him he can have sex with her? I know she's liked him for a while to...
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 It could well be depression. It's more common than we expect, especially after giving birth. The baby belongs to the two of you and the after effects of giving birth, pleasant or otherwise, must also be shared. One partner just can't leave because it's inconvenient and go s**** someone else. That's not how relationships are supposed to work.
A
female
reader, miss-sarah  +, writes (8 May 2012):
It is perfectly normal to have a low sex drive after having a child,it will eventually come back. I'm sure coping with a baby at the moment is making you both tired and very busy,so sex isn't a priority. It seems maybe you are more concerned about the lack of sex than your're partner is? Talk to him about how you are feeling. I really do not think allowing him to have intercourse with a mutual friend is wise at all, it would just cause problems and could lead to them developing feelings,and i'm sure it would make you feel worse knowing that your friend is getting more intimate with your partner than you are. Things will get better once you've both adjusted to being parents and gotten into a routine,then maybe things will start spicing up in the bedroom. I'm also sure that your partner will understand that sex is not high on your agenda and is prepared to wait for when you're ready, don't put pressure on yourself!!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 May 2012):
 One of the worst suggestions I've heard for some time! Even if he did find someone just to have 'sex' with, intimacy changes things and they'd more than likely develop feelings.
Do as the other aunts have said and go to the doctors regarding post pregancy stress.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 May 2012):
 NO! just NO... it will ruin the friendship and your relationship.
have you talked to your GYN about this because it's NOT normal to go from 60-0
yes you will have a bit of a decreased drive due to exhaustion and hormones but by 9 months you should have some drive and not be considering letting your partner go off with someone else... honey that's how my marriage died.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 May 2012):
 Speak to your doctor about tiredness and post natal depression.
It's very normal to reduce sex to a low priority when you have a young baby...it will return eventually and your fiance needs to understand that it will.
Don't be giving him away to a friend...you need him to support you during this tough time...thats what partners are for.
All will return to normal eventually, you just need to give yourself time and be patient...both of you.
xxx
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (7 May 2012):
 I have to agree with what everyone else has said, this has "bad idea" written all over it. Please do not make this decision, you will live to regret it. They are into each other ALREADY if they start having sex, you will lose them both.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (7 May 2012):
 Have you gone mad? I seriously think you should go to the doctor's.
No, no, no - not unless you want to lose your baby's father, and fiance.
Sort out your sex drive. Go for counselling. Go on holiday. Do anything. But absolutely don't hand him someone who has the hots for him on a plate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 May 2012):
 Did you enjoy sex before you had the baby? Was your sex drive strong before you gave birth? If yes to both then it's time to schedule an appointment with your gyno, perhaps medication will help. As far as giving him permission to have sex with another woman, that has disaster spelled all over it.
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A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (7 May 2012):
Hi - You know this is a bad idea and saying you love him so much your willing to let him go else where is not really how you feel - its avoidance - you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel.
And also I can think of heaps of ways of making your sex life with him forfilling - even if your not feeling horny yourself. hand jobs, blow jobs, watching porn with him and giving him a hand job - arent all these things still sexual and gives him satisfaction?
In time you will recover your own sex drive- the baby is consuming all your focus and thats natural and great for the baby. As it gets older you will be able to feel closer to your partner and recover your lust.
good luck
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