A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have a history of being in abusive relationship. So I wouldn't know a anything about being in a normal relationship. Currently in dating a good person for about 4 months. We have good sexual chemistry and we talk, he doesn't push me to do anything I don't want to do, and doesn't dominate me. I don't push him to do anything either. We mostly spend weekend together. Earlier we used to do things together like watching Netflix or going go movies or cooking together, now he works on his projects like fixing car or his computer or even sometimes plays games. And I watch tv or work on my work related stuff. We still do things together but not as much as before. When I asked him he said he has projects to work on and it's a good thing I do give his space to work on and not nagging him all the time.Question is, is this normal in a good relationship? Or am I being submissive and giving him anythihg he wants without asking for anything? Pls help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 July 2016):
 I have to disagree with the other ladies.
It does not sound so normal to me.
After only 4 months ?! And only spending weekend together ?...
Basically, he calls you over ..so that you can watch TV while he plays games by himself ?...
No. Not normal at all.
That may become normal after a few years of marriage, living together,...life interferes , you've got kids, chores to do, you can't expect to live every single moment as a romantic date , - and you would not want it either, since you live together anyway , plenty of time for seeing each other / talking.
And even so, many couples CHOOSE to do normal stuff together , like going grocery shopping or fixing dinner, precisely to turn an ordinary, uninspiring routine thing into a moment of connection and companionship.
Of course, all within reason. A weekend lasts 48 hours and it neither possible nor healthy to spend them all glued together. It's normal that if there's a great movie on TV that you 'd hate to miss, but he does not care for it,... you watch your movie while he reads his thriller or whatnot. If he needs an harcut badly, he goes to the barber and you do something else in the meantime. That's fine. I do not mean " joined at the hips "
But the way you tell it, it gives the impression that basically he parks you in his living room to fend for yourself while he goes obliviously about his own business.
I think perhaps he is one of the many people who like the idea of having a relationship, more than that of actually living it.
You know, the GF experience. Knowing that you are there , close and at his disposal , without him having to do ANY effort to MAKE time for you or entertain you or engagé your attention. All the benefits of a relationship, without the need to sort out his priorities or modify his schedule in favour of another person.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (7 July 2016):
 Yeah it’s normal! Predictable normal…
Realistically there’s nothing wrong here for him or you to resume projects/hobbies… as after the said 4 months of dating, one would need to relax and get back in the flow of some normality in their lives. This does not mean you are being excluded. Here you start seeing each other in your natural environment; how you balance commitments, work, hobbies and the new person in your life. No one or project should be neglected.
Although for some strange reason after the 4 month mark, doing things together starts to wane… That’s if we allow it too. But a subtle invite into the kitchen every now and then should do it :)
No need to freak out just yet over his behaviour; it’s early days and there’s nothing submissive about giving a man or woman space for them to express their talents… however it is passive too stay silent and not ask for anything IF you need something…
Meanwhile you could perhaps show some interest in what he’s doing, if he doesn’t mind you hanging around. I personally take an interest in my mans hobby because I’m curious and that way I learn something about him as well as from him. But I don’t expect a bloke to be interested in my woman creativity.
CAA
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 July 2016):
 The relationship is still new and if you spend most weekends together then that is a good sign. If he spends the whole weekend doing other things while you are with him then I would talk to him about it, but if he does do things with you as well as his own things then it might be a healthy balance, it is healthy to be able to relax with each other and do your own thing. If you feel that you are being neglected and not getting enough attention from him then just be honest with him, the relationship will only work if you are truthful to each other.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 July 2016):
 I think it's "normal" that grown up have various project they WANT/NEED to work on, but if it comes down to ALWAYS picking the project over spending time with you... it's a bit iffy. He should want to balance both, so should you.
I do think it's normal as well that you spend a lot of time in the beginning together and then is levels out to a more... day to day routine.
Maybe talk to him about have a a weekly date-night to start with and see where it goes.
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