A
male
age
36-40,
*r8tripstr
writes:So i've been dating this girl for four months. Everything is great and i think i'm falling in love with her. It's very complicated because she was dating my friend before we ended up getting together, and we also work together. So i kinda jumped into the relationship kind of fast. But anyway, everytime we go out to parties or whatever she always is talking to lots of guys, i know she gets along better with guys than girls, but i just find myself becoming pissed off at these other guys that she talking to. Then most nights she is giving them hugs and just being extremely friendly. Everytime this happens i get extremely frustrated, i want to trust this girl but it just makes it so hard when i see her doing these things. Do you think that i am overreacting? Is this normal behavior for most girls? I mean, maybe it is normal, but i just feel that i need a girl that wants to talk to me or other girls when we go out, i don't need a gf that wants to go make best friends with other dudes. I look at how i act, and i never go introducing myself to new girls and try to carry long conversations with them because i am satisfied with the one i have. I used to do that all the time when i was single so i feel like if i continue to do that in this relationship i am pretty much just hitting on these girls. So looking at it that way i feel like my girlfriend wants a new bf because she is always making new friends with these guys and spending tons of time talking to them at these parties. If anyone has ANY comments or advice i would love to hear it.-A Loving Boyfriend in lots of distress-
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female
reader, Gwyneth +, writes (4 March 2007):
 Dear Loving Boyfriend,I think everyone feels a bit insecure with their romantic partners at times. C'est normal. And, I guess that how you react to your gf's friendliness with other guys depends on your level of self-confidence. How you *interpret* her behavior is another matter. My advice would be that you need to step outside your own mind for a moment or two and realize that we're living in the 21st century now. Not all social communications between men and women are based on the desire to "hook up." In fact, many women have mostly male friends. For instance, most of MY friends are guys. I'm totally just friends with them though. We don't have anything sexual going on. Maybe your gf is the same.Best of luck, sweetheart. Try to relax a bit. Enjoy your youth and don't sweat the small stuff.
A
female
reader, endlesssong +, writes (4 March 2007):
 Are you sure she's even aware that she's acting in such a way? Point it out to her if she dosn't! Otherwise she could naturaly accidently flirt. I'm very friendly with my guy friends and I'm always giving them hugs and stuff to. But in now way is this more than friendly a friendly jesture from one friend to another for me. Make sure she's aware of what she's doing and its nothing more than that. It also couldn't hurt to tell her that as her boyfriend when you two are out that you would like a little more attention.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (4 March 2007):
 So your gf left your friend to be with you? Of course your insecure, because if she does it once she is capable of it again. But you got into the relationship knowing she is like this so you have to make a choice. Accept it or move on. I know its harsh, but it's hard for sociable people to become anti-social. You can let her know it makes you uncomfortable, and you can let her know you'd feel better if she mostly talked to girls at parties, and stopped with the hugging and flirting... but you can't force her to change. Since the relationship is still new set the precendents now, but if you're miserable already and she is unwilling to change you'll just have to move on, take a deep breath and suck it up hun. The problem with starting a relationship with issues is they will always be in the back of your mind gnawing at you. Maye try for a fresh start with an honest lass. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): good god, buddy, chill out. she's just being friendly, there's no need to fret. if she's openly flirting or something, then you could have a problem, but what's wrong with her having guy friends? she's with you, she's attracted to you, she cares for you and you're just going to end up pushing her away if you keep making a big deal over this. there's a difference between making friends and flirting. you don't go and make new friends when presented the opportunity? well good for you you're missing out.
even the hugging is harmless. i know plenty of girls (and guys) who hug or kiss their friends (on the cheeks) as a form of greeting, regardless of gender. i'm sure she'd just as readily hug her girl friends as she would her guy friends. you're being possessive and paranoid.
that said, i think i'll put down something a little less bitchy. if it really does bother you that much you need to tell her and maybe she'll be more sensitive to your feelings and worries. you could try meeting the guys that she's friends with/meet the new people she meets. that might put you at ease a bit and at the same time, you'll both get to make awesome friends!
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A
female
reader, Breakfast@Tiffany's  +, writes (4 March 2007):
 Firstly NO this is not normal behaviour for most girls and you are not overacting at all because it doesn’t sound like you've spoken to her about it at all!
If you haven’t already maybe you should bring it up with her as she may not have any idea that she’s doing it and if that’s the case then she just needs to become more aware of how she’s acting. However maybe she's just used to it and likes talking to allot of other guys due to previous single life and if that’s the case she needs to realise that it’s not fine for a girl that’s taken to be that way.
Use have been together for 4 months so she should be trying to spend her time with you and get to know you more at parties not people she hardly knows. I hope you guys sort it out, good luck..
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