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Is this more than a sex buddy?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 June 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 11 June 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have a sex buddy , im always understanding torwards him i dont want him to think im so demanding or clingy so i play it off there are times when i get jeleous and show it like last week we were in the pools and my friend slashed water at him so i got a bit jeleous and took off and set my towel on floor and started tanning , just layed down and cooled off but he left the pool quickly to join me and thought it was cute how i get jeleous he reminded me that im his . Were not official because hes frienda with my brother so we cant have him mad at us. So yesturday he was hanging out with me and a couple of friends and his friend called my phone and my friend answered and pretty much his friend said are ana and danny together? Dannys my sex buddy , and well he got mad and upset that his friend would care so ,much if we were together. So he asked me if me and his friend had something i let him know we dont , i told him i like you danny , and i told him im okay with what we have im with no one else. But what do we have?

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (11 June 2012):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntIf that guy has to cause jealousy to stroke his own ego hes insecure and has a low self esteem. Yea just a piece of ass u r to him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (11 June 2012):

Honeypie agony auntYou have a FWB and that is it. He can't even MAN up and tell his buddy (your brother) that he is having sex with you. So if he is hiding THAT, he is hiding YOU.

So if all you want from him is sex.. there you go.

If you want more, sorry I don't think he has the guts to "date" you.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 June 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou have a FWB with Danny and like Cindy said his jealousy is not about how he feels about you but more about his EGO.

IF the only reason you are not official is because he’s friends with your brother (and it’s his doing that you are not official) then I think you need to accept that the only thing there is with you two is sex. Because if he REALLY cared about you and liked you “THAT WAY” he would NOT care what your brother thought. He’s clearly claim you as his GF if he felt that way.

What you have is a use and abuse situation… he’s using you as his handy penis holder. And you are accepting it.

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (11 June 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntYou like the guy and you're having sex so what about that is not official? Don't be insulting to yourself or your guy. I think it is insulting to say he's your "sex buddy" when he is clearly more. What's so wrong with liking someone and showing it? I agree with CindyCares...what's your brother have to do with your relationship with someone? You're letting what your brother thinks hold you back from living your life to the fullest? Sounds lame to me.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (11 June 2012):

CindyCares agony auntWhat you have is an FWB. To whom you , for reason of yours, promised sexual monogamy- and I notice he did not promise the same back.

I think that you can't be official because your brother would be mad is one of the lamest excuse I have ever heard, unless your brother is also your legal tutor/ the person who supports you financially. Your brother can be talked to, brought to reason, confronted, or even ignored , or antagonized. So what if he is mad ? it's not even any of his business whom you go with,- and if you two were serious he'd get over it . If this Danny would care about you ,he would not be afraid to piss off a meddling, overprotective brother . The problem might be slightly different, i.e. that Danny obviously does not want his friend to know that he has been shagging the friend's sister behind the friend's back, with no intention whatsoever of turning her into anything more than a sex buddy /plaything. Which, I suppose, even an easy going , open minded brother would feel bad about and would find somewhat hard to stomach.

That he likes when you are jealous does not mean anything, that's his ego talking. What counts is what he does, and what he does is keeping you a well kept secret, which someone who's into you would never do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2012):

It's very difficult not to feel something for someone when you are having sex with them, and it sounds like you need to have a talk, the two of you, about whether you want it to be more, and official.

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A female reader, Justinara United Kingdom +, writes (11 June 2012):

You should know that being someone sex buddy is what you are just a sex buddy. You see he may or may not like you, but what he sees in you is that you are meeting his sexual needs, and he may see that he is meeting your sexual needs.

Guys and girls are not programmed the same way, men in the world are custom to having things go there way because, of the old belief that men rule the world and women are commodities. Things may have changed but old beliefs still exist.

Now I sense that you both may have deep affection towards each other, but you can not be with him because of your brother. Maybe that's the problem. You really need to speak to this guy, because sex buddy stuff does not work, and usually its the women that loses at the end. Men can actually separate sex from love, women can not.

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