A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My BF of a few months thinks I'm being jealous and moody. His divorce will be final in 2 months, no kids. I get upset because I bring him everywhere with me, invite him everywhere and introduce him and he never does. He thinks its too soon and is afraid she and his family may think we were seeing each other before his divorce proceedings begin - I think its an excuse for the small chance he backs out of the divorce before its final. His cell is always on silent, he calls, emails and texts her when I'm not around to "check on their pet". I told him its not that they speak, its that he tries to hide it or waits until i'm not around to contact her. If they are almost divorced it shouldn't matter what she thinks. He thinks I'm over reacting and said he has to be in contact until the house sells. Her family is having Xmas and invited him and his family and he informed me he may go because they accepted the invite before we got together and he doesn't want to cause problems with his family as they are still friendly with her.I blew up the other night because it was another family function and I couldn't go again. Moreso because he gets so hurt when I go somewhere and don't ask him. I asked if was because she was there and he said i'm being crazy. I don't think I am, he's giving me reasons to doubt he is sure about the divorce although he's staying with me.He said he never loved her and was never happy and was always looking for happiness while married which is why he never had kids with her and is divorcing. I want to accept and believe that but he compares me. He said SHE never use to get mad at him or get moody no matter what. He said he could stay out all night, go away on vacation alone and she'd never question, call or check up on him. My response was "yes, and now your getting divorced". He acknowledges our relationship and my personality are very different but he said he doesn't like how I get mad about her. There is something telling me he's hiding something, i dont' know why, i dont' know what, but it's there. I'm trying to chock it up to being lied to and cheated on before and it's me, not him. Any advice?
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male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 It seems a complicated issue but from my experience its never good when a partner starts comparing with their ex.
You should quistion him more and try and convince him that its natural that you are acting the way are. Take care!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): I would be angry too! He's keeping you in the background and not including you in his life. I would put him on the back burner, so to speak. And get on with your life! How can he expect you to take him everywhere You go when he doesn't include you in anything???? I don't blame you for being upset.
I would sit him down and let him know that things HAVE TO CHANGE or you want out! I know it's hard to let go of a relationship, but you are truly better off!!!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): It isn't worth it to date someone who is still legally married, or who hasn't cut emotional ties with the ex. My still-married boyfriend just broke up with me a couple of months ago. He was living with his wife when we met - they were stuck in the same house until they could sell it and have enough money to move out. She knew about me and had a boyfriend of her own - I even met her - so it was all aboveboard. He kept telling me he was over her, that the love had died years earlier and they stayed together for their children. But in retrospect I know that he's not over her, or the end of his marriage, at all. The whole time I dated him I had doubts that he was over her. They were always calling and texting each other while he was with me. He talked about her all the time. Most of what he said wasn't nice, but just the fact that talk about her very often dominated our conversations should have told me something. He has now moved out of their house, but ended everything with me. I think I was just a rebound, someone to soothe his ego. Beacuse right now he is a wounded man, unable to give love to another woman. It sounds like your guy may be in the same emotional place as mine. Divorce has got to be a very difficult, gut-wrenching ordeal under the best of circumstances. I'm sure it takes a huge emotional toll. I've never been married, but right now I'm an emotional wreck from a 1 1/2 year relationship. I can't even imagine getting divorced and how hard it would be!! I wish I had listened to my gut feelings when I was dating mine - 4 or 5 times I was going to break it off until he had settled things with her, and I couldn't get up the courage. Please learn from my mistake. You would be better off calling it quits for the time being. If you don't find anyone else in the meantime and he wants to get back in touch at some point in the future, that would certainly be a possibility. Give him time to heal and to sever his emotional ties to her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): I don't think he ought to go to her family's christmas thing, but other than that, I wouldn't get offended if you don't meet his family for awhile. The other readers are right. Breaking it off for awhile would be the best thing to do, but dating a divorced man myself, I understand that it's not easy. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months, and we are finally starting to have a happy, healthy, normal relationship. It has been so much work, and very painful for everyone. I met his mother earlier on because he was living with her at the time. However, I just recently met the rest of the family, and when I did, I did get the feeling that a lot of them were looking at me as the person who split up the marriage (they were separated when I met him, but some members hoped that they would get back together). I was very friendly and made a good impression, emphasized as much as I could how much I cared about their children and what plans I had to make sure their kids continued to have a positive relationship with their father, and I believe they have accepted me so far. However, I couldn't imagine what it would have been like if I met them before the divorce was final.I wouldn't rush things. Do fight the christmas thing. That does seem inappropriate (maybe ask him if he plans on getting her a present). If he does go, I would break it off. He should understand your concern, and if he does want to be with you, breaking it off is sure to get his attention. Just make sure you respect that going through a divorce is tough, even if you don't love the other person (and it does sound like he didn't if he didn't have kids with her. My guy told me that was why it took him and his ex so long to have kids).
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Leave this guy until he is legally and emotionally done with his ex. It sounds like he still is hooked on her, or at least not over her quite yet.
Don't let him drag you around while you wait for him to man up and fix up his life.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 He's obviously not broken all ties from her to say he's getting divorced. i could understand if there were children in the relationship. There's no real valid reason as to why he should be in this kind of contact and not admit he is seeing someone else if he's doing nothing wrong. It's early days as well, he maybe is finding it difficult to call it a draw with her and your gut feeling is that he is trying to hold the divorce off. You could take a back seat and tell him to contact you when he feels like he has no baggage. You must be feeling second best with all this going on. If you are suspicious about whats on his mobile, look into it when he is asleep, then you will know for sure. hope this helps.
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