A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After years with my boyfriend, I am struggling to try and work out If I really do love him. The trouble is, he treated me so bad in the past, worse than anyone I have ever been out with. When I first met him, I Was in a terrible position, I was also very depressed and he was really good to me and helped me out although I later discovered that while he was getting it on with me he was texting and calling his ex. After about 6 months things started to change and he became very controlling. I became isolated from friends and family, and he started to question me everyday when he came home from work, in a way that would be suggesting that I had seen another guy that day. He literally did what he wanted and didn't think twice about doing it, including texting his newly married best friends wife behind everyones back. He would come home from work and be so nasty to me and then it turned out he was getting grief from his boss at work and he was coming home and taking his frustation out on me. We split up for two weeks and he slept with someone else. In the past, if he ever bought me a birthday present he would harp on about what a great generous guy he is and then I found out that he had been paid for it with half my money. He would also expect oral sex if he bought me anything. He would come home and walk around the house, picking out things that I had done wrong, or hadn't done. I could tell him I did the simplest thing in conversation, and he would say, why did you do that, why did you do it like that, why don't you do it like this, or like that. He basically made me feel like he was my pimp and I was his ho. The true extent of just what a scumbag he has been has only just hit me. I've been so busy struggling for a bit of decency and respect, I didn't have time to think about what my life has been like with him but when I look back on our time together I realise that a year hasn't passed without him treating me badly, so he's just gonna treat me badly forever right? He's still manipulative and controlling, but he's just extremely sneaky and subtle about it. He said recently he believes people can change, he has, but not completely, if he does something that hurts or upsets me the past comes flooding back and I get so angry. I don't trust him because too much has happened and because of that I see him as an opportunist who will grab any given opportunity with both hands without a second thought for anyone but himself.
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at work, best friend, depressed, friend's wife, his ex, money, oral sex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): From the sounds of it there is nothin good to say about this man, he's controlled you from the start and if he's still doing it years down the line then that is just the way he is. It sounds like he's got real issues and he is just dragging you down. It can be difficult when a partner is treating you badly and for some people it can take a while to sink in and be able to gain the strength to leave. This is definately a one sided, even abusive relationship and I an not surprised you question if you love him anymore. The only person he loves more than anyone else in the world is himself, so gain your strength from that and move on, you deserve to be treated well.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Hi,
Rescuer couldn't said any better. I agree with her and I hope this give you the strengh to make the right decision and to step to a new life and new beginnings.
I am sorry that you have been through such a hard times and life hasn't been kind to you lately. But, that's the past and its time to move forward to the future.
You might feel lonely, when you see people on the streets they all might seem so normal and happy. But, reality is that we all have our problems and issues. People struggle everyday, but they keep on living and being strong because its our job to survive. My point is that, you're not alone, you're not the only one that have problems. Its ok to feel weak at times, but its not ok when you let this go for so long and control your life.
Its hard to get up and leave. Its hard to change, but once you take that 1st step, everything else will follow through naturally. People do it everyday. Overcome their fears, you can do it too... Its up to you...
You deserve to be happy, be love and feel safe. I hope you take the 1st step, its never too late to be happy..
Good luck and take care!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): I don't think you love your bf, you haven't said one nice thing about him! it actually sounds like you hate him. ironically some times hate can feel like love because both are intense emotions.
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