A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I really don't feel that I was raised right, my mom being an alcoholic and my dad always at work. Being the only girl my two brothers have always turned to me for care and that stuff. I never really felt that I had someone there for me though. My mom was always drunk, asleep, or screeming at me or my brothers for absolutely nothing. And my dad, well he actually would call to see and if she wasnt asleep he would just stay at work leaving us there all alone to suffer with our mother. So what i began to do at 12 or 13 was turn to guys. I just wanted to feel like someone wanted something more out of me then to yell at me or ingnor me. I wanted to feel worth something. I've never really been close with an actual 'normal' person and everyones always seemed to be a dissappointment in my life. Eventually i met a great guy and we've been together for a little over a year. Everythings good and he says he really loves me but the thing is I just can't let myself trust him. He's never done anything to make me feel this way so its nothing he did I just don't really trust anyone. I know its a personal issue and theres nothing I'd like more then to trust and love him the same way he does me. Will time solve this or is this an issue I'll always struggle with? Even though he's happy I'm hurt inside that I would be hurting him so bad if he knew this and how I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give all my heart...
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female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (12 June 2010):
 First let me tell you this - you are one intelligent and articulate young lady. Very smart. You have identified your problem. Now you need help with it. To answer your question directly - No time will not solve this problem and No I don't think an issue that you will always struggle with. The damaging effects of having an alcoholic parent are very far reaching. Personally I think it's worse if it's the mom - she's the one who gave birth to you. A child, no matter how old, should be nurtured by their mom. Your dad has been very unfair to you as well by ignoring this problem and leaving you to deal with it. Very unfair! That being said I suggest that you see about attending Ala-teen or Ala-non - they can help you sort all of this out and your brothers would benefit as well. Check for meetings in your area on line. You will find that you are not alone. They can help you. Good luck - I think you are going to be ok - you are very bright.
A
female
reader, tmisty777 +, writes (12 June 2010):
 Trust is built, you can't just decide to give someone all of it at once. You have had a hard past, I was there too. My dad was never part of the family though, and there was some, sexual problems with the guys that my mother would bring to the house...
Anywho, staying with your partner is good, the more time you spend together the more you will be able to get close to him and give him more love and trust. Don't tell yourself "I need to give him love, I need to give him trust" because you will sheild yourself from doing so because you're telling yourself that something could happen. Instead, enjoy your time with him! You will give him more when time goes on, you will releas it yourself!
If yu try to burden yourself with forcing yourself to feel a certain way, it would be more like a punishment and will actually push you away from him.
Time is the Key
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