A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:recently my GF and i had a falling out with one another. it wasn't because we didn't get along or anything like that. everything was fine until we found out she was pregnant. right now my GF has a 3 year old son and lives in an apartment in the city. she has no job and her mom supports her every month. naturally her mom is tired of supporting her and wants her to start working or go to school.a week after we found out she's pregnant, her mother gave her the ultimatum of either having an abortion or face being totally cut off and out on the streets. which would also mean she'll lose custody of her son.the problem is this. she gave my GF that ultimatum without even sitting down to talk to me about what i'm wanting to do or willing to do to support my GF, her son, and our baby. and ever since her mother put her in that position my GF has been extremely depressed and has been pushing me away to the point of making up excuses to avoid seeing me and being short with me whenever i try to talk to her.she was extremely excited about having another baby until her mother said those things. and now when i try to tell her there are ways we can make this work and she doesn't need her mother to take care of her anymore, my GF just says "no, there are no other options" and tells me that we have to have it aborted but never gives me any reasons why.I still live at home with my parents but we live on a 2.5 acre lot out in the country with 2 separate houses on it. my parents live in one house. i live in the other. there is plenty of space for my GF, her son, our baby, her 2 big dogs, 3 cats and 2 hamsters (all of which are living in her tiny apartment right now).my GF refuses to see living at my place as an option and wont tell me why. There's more than enough room for everyone here. A yard for her dogs and her son to play in. A house to live in rent free while she either works or goes to school or just stays home and takes care of the kids. it would also take the stress of supporting her off her mother. if my GF wants to be a stay at home mom that's fine with me. i don't mind. i make plenty of money to support all 4 of us. I cant afford a place of our own yet but we essentially have that already. Not to mention my GF absolutely loves it out here and says if she didn't ever have to leave my place she wouldn't.i tried for weeks trying to do anything i can to save our baby and let her know that she doesn't have to worry about her mom cutting her off. i don't know what it is thats making her think we cant make this work but i think her mom has a major hand in that. i don't mind taking care of her. that's what relationships are about. You are supposed to take care of the person you are with. I'm willing to do anything it takes to support and take care of her, her son and our baby. the day before the abortion i made my last stand to try and save our baby. i wanted to finally sit down with both our families and discuss everything before my GF went through with the abortion. she obviously is extremely depressed about having to do this and has been avoiding talking to me for the last week so my only option is to try to talk to her mom.i call up her mom and her mom denies her being upset about whats going on. i tried to explain to her mother that i'm just trying to help and that i would like to sit down with them and talk. her mom starts to snap at me and tells me that my GF is an adult and that i need to talk to her about it. i told her i've tried but she's been depressed and distant with me ever since she was forced with deciding between being cut off and getting the abortion.an hour after that convo with her mom ended my GF calls me up telling me i betrayed her trust and that she cant be with me anymore because i called her mom behind her back and she can never trust me again. and that this abortion is happening and we are done. she told me i needed to grow up.i'm totally at a loss about where all this anger and hate came from. she was completely happy with me and our relationship and about having the baby until her mom forced her into that situation. everything just suddenly changed over night. all i tried to do is arrange a time to sit down and talk with her and her mother about the baby situation.i've asked my GF many times if she still wanted to have this baby ever since her mom gave her the ultimatum and she always says yes. when i say "ok lets have it then. you don't need to worry about your mom, i'll take care of all of us", she always says no there are no other options right now and never says anything more about it.Question time:was i wrong for calling her mother so we could sit down together and finally talk about this? was her mother wrong for putting her in that situation without even consulting with me first about what i wanted to do and how i'd support them?why is my girlfriend resisting my offer to give her a place to stay if her mother does cut her off?did i really do something untrustworthy by contacting her mother?she officially hates me now and wants absolutely nothing to do with me anymore. so i know there's no chance of being with her again. i just did what i felt was the right thing to do and tried my hardest to make sure my GF did what she felt was right not what she was forced to do. was i a bad boyfriend for doing what i did? did i do anything wrong? if so what? is there anyway i can fix it and get her back?so many questions. i just feel like a total failure and that i ruined a good thing. i feel like i should of just kept my mouth shut and not of said anything to either one of them about how i felt about whats going on and everything would of been fine.please any questions answered or advice given would be very helpful. i'm dying without her. i love her so much and i was just trying to look out for her and it feels like i some how royally messed things up beyond repair in the process.:\
View related questions:
abortion, depressed, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (12 June 2010):
 You seem like a very caring and level headed young man to me and logical on top of that! What a combination! I will address each of your questions below - I have copied and pasted for easier answering and understanding. Ok?
was i wrong for calling her mother so we could sit down together and finally talk about this?
Auntie E: Absolutely not. You did the right thing.
was her mother wrong for putting her in that situation without even consulting with me first about what i wanted to do and how i'd support them?
Auntie E: Without a doubt she was wrong.
why is my girlfriend resisting my offer to give her a place to stay if her mother does cut her off?
Auntie E: I wish I could answer this one but I can't. As I said you seem like a level headed young man to me and that was an excellent offer that you made to her.
did i really do something untrustworthy by contacting her mother?
Auntie E: Absolutely not! Your GF has that all wrong.
she officially hates me now and wants absolutely nothing to do with me anymore. so i know there's no chance of being with her again. i just did what i felt was the right thing to do and tried my hardest to make sure my GF did what she felt was right not what she was forced to do.
Auntie E: I am going to tell you right now I think you dodged a bullet. I don't want to sound callous but I think life with this girl would have been difficult to say the least. Look at what she has done, how she has behaved! Apparently her mother has complete control of her life - that's not normal. And her mother saying "she's an adult" when you called her about trying to avoid the abortion is just plain stupid. If she was really an adult her mother would not be supporting her and making her decisions for her.
You seem like such a nice and intelligent guy. I hope you find someone else, another girl, who will love you and respect you.
was i a bad boyfriend for doing what i did?
did i do anything wrong? if so what?
is there anyway i can fix it and get her back?
so many questions. i just feel like a total failure and that i ruined a good thing. i feel like i should of just kept my mouth shut and not of said anything to either one of them about how i felt about whats going on and everything would of been fine.
please any questions answered or advice given would be very helpful. i'm dying without her. i love her so much and i was just trying to look out for her and it feels like i some how royally messed things up beyond repair in the process.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): In my oppinion I don't believe you did anything wrong.You were being a gentleman.She is lucky to have you wanting to support her and her son (and all her pets :-)) As I read this situation it seems to me that there is something your girlfriend is keeping from you, i found her respons to your call to her mother rather exhagerrated. I am not sure what is going on....could it be that she cheated on you and got pregnant by someone else and feels really guilty and thus pushes you away and have an abortion? Just brainstorming, not trying to say she did but the situation as it is could have been essily solved if it was just that what you described. If she loves your place so much she wouldnt have to think twice about moving in. I think there is more to it. However if she is not willing to talk to you then you will never find out. I am sorry this has happend to you, you seem like a nice guy.Maybe she just needs some time and eventually you 2 can sit down and talk, for now I would try not to feel guilty because you tried your best.Time will tell.
PS: Think carefully about taking her back if this is how she acts in crisis situations...she did not concider your input when aborting your baby
...............................
|
