A
female
age
41-50,
*inc71
writes:How can i know if i'm in a emotionnal affair with my male bff (i've known him for one year)? I adore my boyfriend but i like the attention i get from my bff he listens to me and notices me more than my bf it seems. I'm addicted to it I think like a drug. I don't want to have a romantic relationship with him, i'm not attracted to him physically but we are so much alike and we do have a special bond. One look at me and he knows what i think (like my boyfriend does) He's also bff with my bf we all hang out together. My boyfriend of 17 years is secure and he doesn't mind. My bff doesn't flirt with me and got hurt by ex girlfriends who cheated on him so he wouldn't do the same. Neither would I my boyfriend is my soulmate. But my bff has been single since i've known him and now he met someone, it made me sick to my stomach. He introduced me to her (as his bff) and i was super inconfortable. I'm just wondering if i'm only possessive of him since i'm the closest girl he had in his life? Did this happened to anyone before? i'm friend with a lot of guys (i'm the girl who's one of the guys) we all hang around the same people. I haven't had a male bff in a looooooong time. My boyfriend is also my bff but he's way more than that. I never been inapropriate with my bff, never said that i would be with him cause we would probably kill each other hehe we both have strong personnalities. It never happened to me in 17 years and i'm confused... Do i only like the attention? I know i am afraid that it will change our friendship when he gets a gf and the gf would probably hate me :-S I don't think he's better than my boyfriend cause he's not. I never wondered if i would choose him or not. The choice is cleared to me. Am i guilty of liking his attention?? Please help :-)
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female
reader, cinc71 +, writes (17 August 2011):
cinc71 is verified as being by the original poster of the question You're soooo right! Like i said it's been 17 years so my boyfriend had seen and heard it all before heheheh We need to spend quality time and I should spend more time with my other friends also. It's just because he's a guy and i like him very much that it confuses me i think, if it was a girl I wouldn't think twice about it. I appreciate your answer :-)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 August 2011):
I don't think that this is an emotional affair (as the title suggests), and I don't think you're an attention seeker. You've made it clear that you're not romantically interested in him or anything like that, and that in fact you're just a very good friend to him, as he is to you.
I think what's more likely is that you feel threatened by this new girl, because you know full well that it will change your relationship. He will have to put this other woman first, and it might well be that she feels uneasy because of you. You know that (you've already admitted it), and that might well be part of why you're feeling the way you do.
I would also say that this highlights some areas in your relationship with your boyfriend that you need to address, such as the attention your boyfriend is showing you. He is your boyfriend, and above anyone else he is the one you should be able to count on to listen. So perhaps you need to just take a step back from your best friend, and look at your relationship and your boyfriend to make sure your relationship is as good as it can be, or whether it needs more input. Perhaps the lack of attention from your boyfriend is what is driving to you to your best friend for attention.
And you're not guilty of liking his attention - you've done nothing wrong, you won't do anything wrong and it's not like you're massively kicking off and making something huge out of this. You just like his attention, that's all. What you now need to do is make sure you get that same attention and more from your boyfriend.
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