A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my Fiance and I have been together for 1.5 years and are incredibly happy. I have always had a weird intuition about a relationship in his past and just recently found out they got pregnant and got an abortion. He hasn't talked to her since this happened and has not interest in her. I've given him many opportunities to tell me about it and he still hasn't. what bothers me is that he hasn't been honest with me about it. Is this a trust issue and should or could this effect our future marriage?
View related questions:
abortion, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): I can understand your misgivings about him not telling you about this, but I agree with the other posters. It was in his past, and perhaps it is a painful memory, and one that has no bearing on his future with you, and he just would rather leave it where it is..the past. First of all, can you trust the information you received from someone else about this? Second, do you REALLY want to drag up the past? How do you think he might react? You could be opening up a can of worms. Are you prepared for that? Has he ever given you any reason not to trust him? Be careful digging around in his past ok? Most men are VERY tight lipped about their past. My husband was married before and is a very straight forward kind of guy, but I learned from experience not to ask about that part of his life. His standard answer is "I don't remember"...Yeah, of course he doesn't. LOL He has absolutely nothing to hide, but he just doesn't want to go back to that time. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Be concerned about how he treats you, and try to let go of this information. I don't believe it has any bearing on your relationship with him, unless you have caught him lying to you.
A
female
reader, ms.sherri +, writes (14 October 2008):
 Let me ask you. Would u be happy if ur man was out of ur life for good. If ur answer is u really don't want that 2 happen then u need 2 fight regardless of the past. Let the past be the past and rebuild ur relationship with the examples of when u and your man 1st fell in love with one another. oh believe me its easy 2 leave, but those heart pains are not fun and make u frustrated with life. Communication is the key. Patience and your faith. Huggs. Toi
...............................
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 I also can understand why you would feel some 'mistrust' and worry about what he 'might' keep from you - but I'm not convinced that this scenario is a 'red flag' or that your future with him could be affected.
There was no purpose for him in telling you about this - it is in his past and has not had any effect on him or his relationship with you to date. Perhaps he intuitively felt that you would feel insecure if he dicussed it and simply felt what you didn't know wouldn't hurt you?
If you feel quite strongly that this affects your trust in him - discuss that with him. Make sure he knows that you'd prefer to know 'stuff' from now on in...hopefully there won't be any other things he feels he needs to keep from you.
Is there anything in your present that leads you to believe you can't put your trust in him? That's what you should think about. If there isn't...you're a lucky gal!
...............................
A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 I can understand your concern in this since you most likely feel as though you should be able to share in every detail of his past, but I think that is an ideal that cannot really be obtained in real life.
If he were the type of guy who talked about everything that happened in his past relationships, would you trust him more or less with the intimate details of your own relationship with him? If he were the type to talk to each new girl he dated about what he did with previous girlfriends I do not think you'd trust him very much at all but as a man who keeps that type of information to himself, he shows himself as being someone who will keep the secrets of your relationship with him private. Which is as it should be.
...............................
|
