A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been out with this guy about 10 times. However, I wouldn't consider us to be "in a relationship" yet. Well, I just recently got out of a physically mentally and emotionally abusive relationship, so I'm really sensitive about things. When I called him last, he said, "how's my lady doing today." Emphasize the word my. Is that a sign of possessiveness? Does he feel that I'm his already? After all, we're not in an official relationship yet. Should I be concerned this could be a potential abuser. I hate that I'm so sensitive. I let it slide, because I didn't know how to respond, but what should I do. Or am I overreacting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Don't worry sweetie I doubt he is being possessive, he just put a little label on your "relationship". I was in a bad relationship too I wish he would have said my lady I was always called his property, b***h, things like that. I am sure that he meant it in a good way. Keep your eyes and ears open for things abusers do. If he starts to turn possessive you'll know it you were there before.
A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Not enough information to determine something like that. It seems very innocent to me. Given your past, you're probably being paranoid.
Remember, not every guy is going to be like your past asshole. You gotta keep your guard up in life, but if you keep it up too strong then you won't let a good guy in.
I mean hey who knows, the guy could be a jerk. But, he could be the best thing thats ever happened to you.
In time, if the guy is possessive, it will show in more obvious ways.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 I don't think he was being possessive but I would explain to him you were in an abusive relationship before and things need to slow down. Explain how you feel.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 I believe that he called you "my lady" because he has feelings for you. This is not to say that he's possessive, or that he's not. It's just a sign that he likes you. I do think there might be a problem here, because he thinks he "has you" and you don't feel that way. Maybe it would be a good idea if you told him where he stands.
Also, please bear in mind that not all men are possessive and bad. Give the man the benefit of doubt.
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A
male
reader, FrequentFlyer  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Honestly, I would say it really isn't anything to be worried about. I say "my girls" and "my ladies" to my friends that are females all the time. They know I don't actually mean they are mine and such, it's just a figure of speech. If anything, it shows that he is comfortable to be around you and talk to you how he would as a friend. I reckon this is a good thing not so much something to be worried about :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Whoa Whoa pump the brakes.. i understand that you have been badly influenced by your past but you can NOT let your past determine your future...U and this guy have been out 10 times i dont think he meant it in a possesive way i think he might it in a sweet way.... and probably didnt know that what he said is affecting you this much... if your past is buggin you this bad most can do is talk to him and let him know.. than to let a good thing go to waste because of past insecurities and miss out on a chance of happiness....
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